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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/aatkbd_GAD on 2024-01-22 14:52:41+00:00.
I got mixed messages leading up to and taking the flight to attend my grandfather's funeral. Now I'm getting regular phone calls containing guilt trips and venting.
My wife and I have have 3 sons under the age of 3. My grandfather passed away and the funeral is in a different state. We are not in a situation were I can take the whole family. I didn't think I could go in the beginning. The stress of one person taking care of three young kids plus the financial burden of traveling seemed too much. When I mentioned I wasn't going, she insisted I do. I tried to express why, but was interrupted and encouraged to go. She said the cost was equivalent to a trip to bulk food store and she would rally the troops to get the help needed. I talked to my in-laws about this and they also encouraged me to go. They said they will help as much as they could while I was away.
After two days of debating, I bought the cheapest flight I could find. It was for 4 nights. My wife was standing next to me and review the itinerary before I purchased the tickets. A few hours later, my wife started to stress out about what it means to watch three kids without my help. The next day she has an emotional break down. Ask me how I could be going for 4 nights. Why couldn't I spend three time as much to go for just 2 nights. She told me I was not thinking about her and the kids when I purchased the tickets. I said I understood and i can and im willing to cancel the flights. She insisted I still go. I was unable to consider the rescheduling the flights. I couldn't justify the cost. We could not take on more debt. I talked to my in-laws and asked them whether I should go or cancel my flights. They acknowledged the burden but encouraged me to go. They said they would help my wife as much as they could. 48 hours before my flight I asked my wife, are you sure I should go. She insisted I go but also said I was still not thinking about her.
At one point I considered it a no win situation and went on the flight. Now that I'm here, i receive multiple phone calls a day with my wife which entails her venting about how hard it is and asking why I had to be gone for 4 nights. She is questioning our marriage and asking whether I still love her. AITA?