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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/frikfraknjesus on 2024-01-22 20:30:52+00:00.
My best friend Sam(28F) invited me (27F) to her upcoming birthday weekend getaway at an Airbnb. In our group chat with two other girl friends, she said she is planning the same birthday from last year, which comprised of her, her husband, Kate, Kate’s boyfriend William, Jenny, and myself. When I asked her who all is coming, she said “everyone from last year.”
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend, Jason, for 8 months and I wanted to clarify with Sam (via private text) if Jason was invited as I wanted to make sure there was no confusion. Her reply follows:
“I planned this trip specifically for our friend group, and I was hoping to keep it that way. I really want to try my best to replicate last year's trip because it was so amazing. It's nothing personal, I just really want to spend this time with my close friends and I don’t really know him. I hope you understand!”
Sam has been in the same friend group hangouts with Jason 3 times now, and yet she still said that about him to justify why he wasn’t invited. Personally, I’m not as offended as I am sad because it would make me feel incomplete and not right if Jason wasn’t there…yet Sam’s husband and Kate’s boyfriend will be there. For reference, those two men met and became friends from work. But I feel wrong to not have Jason there regardless. I can understand if I had just started dating him a month or two in and he wasn’t invited…but we are serious and been in a relationship for 8 months and going.
So I made up an excuse telling Sam that I would not be able to come because I have to watch my mom’s large dog in addition to my own dog since she’ll be out of the country the same weekend Sam’s birthday getaway will be.
Update: The excuse I made ended up being real, as I checked my calendar and my mom’s international trip actually prevents me from going on the birthday trip anyway.
Another thought to consider—during the times Sam and Jason have been in the same hangout, Jason makes an effort to get to know Sam and asks her questions and does the same with others as well. Sam doesn’t feel like she knows Jason, but she also hasn’t made any effort to get to know him the way Jason has.