(Washington D.C.) As cabinet and staff positions are filled in the new administration, emphasis is being taken to highlight how representative of America this cabinet is. But less emphasis has been given of late: the White House has been facing recent allegations that - while the major advisors do represent the diversity of America - the cabinet and staff might represent the wrong parts of America, and this realization is slowly settling on the largely, some would say mostly, white straight male truck owning voters that make up the core of the president’s support.
“Did I hear one of them is gay,” asked Leo Sturbgetter, a cow de-tangler in rural Oklahoma. “I’m pretty sure someone said one of them was gay. I already got a lot of guys I know talking about how trump said they was gay, and buying up Bud Light like it was on sale, so I don’t like hearin’ about that gay guy.”
Sturbgetter refers to Richard Grinell, the experienced former acting director of the Department of National Intelligence and its newly appointed, homosexual Director. His concern was evident when the Director’s sexual preference was confirmed.
“It ain’t right,” he murmured. “It ain’t right.”
Leo’s concern has the attention of the White House, which has found its ability to laud the white male members limited. Republicans in the senate, asking not to be named, agree. “Rubio isn’t white… Noem, Stefanik and Gabbard are women… sure you can count Gaetz twice if you count his user name on Seeking.com, but that’s a lot of diversity right next to the president.”
Republicans, many convinced that diversity has damaged American’s reputation as a melting pot, call on the president to take charge and begin replacing cabinet members with people that look like them. “I know he can do better than Robert Kennedy,” said one trump voter. “First of all, Kennedy. The moon landing was fake. Second, he is trying to look red in all his photos, which is mocking the president’s orange. ROY G BIV… get back down the rainbow and choose a color that goes after our commander and chief.”
“Rainbow,” he muttered. “Man, it goes all the way to the top.”
But disjointed though the disturbed ranting of these voters may be, they still represent a strong part of the president’s base. Calls for increased representation are being heard, and beginning to be addressed. A special commission is being called by Senator Lindsey Graham of South Carolina, to evaluate every straight white male in government, as potential candidates for filling any openings that become available.
Requests for comment on the excess diversity in the White House were not returned by Communications Director Cheung.