this post was submitted on 31 Mar 2025
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The Onion

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[–] [email protected] 60 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

At press time, McConnell planned to expound on his malevolent personal endeavors in the forthcoming memoir, “Human Impediment: Tales of a Worthless Life, Soon Forgotten.”

Absolutely savage. Hopefully it's also topical

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 weeks ago

Sounds like what his epitaph should read, and have it used as a public urinal.

[–] ininewcrow 30 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

In 2045 at the age of 103, Mitch McConnell somehow returns

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 weeks ago

As president

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 weeks ago

He would. The old bastard.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

My friend, Hank Hill will be flipping out. He built a home for Niefko and Alla Lubecki, with a highly virile friend of his, Dale Dribble.

[–] ZeroCool 9 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

~~Dale Gribble~~

It’s very disrespectful to mention his real name on the internet… He’s Rusty Shackleford. I would expect someone with your username to avoid such a mistake!

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 weeks ago

Dunno. In this day and age, it's possible he's attracted to Dale Gribble.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago

Goddamn, that one got me.

Great work, @theonion.