Greentext

Do people ask each other out or do they just hang out?

Well when men keep hearing “don’t approach us”, we shouldn’t be shocked when men don’t approach people.

18-25 in 2025 means 13-20 when COVID happened.

We're going to see the long term effects of people in that micro generation losing much of what the high school social scene represented, that low stakes junior league of forming new relationships, where meeting is easy, with lots of natural opportunities for free interaction, and making new connections is normal. Learning to flirt in that environment is a stepping stone towards being able to navigate the adult world, where people don't have your schedule planned out for you, and you won't naturally see the same people 100+ days out of the year, and have 50+ chances to shoot your shot when you're ready.

And yes, sure, the loss of third places and changing social dynamics and gender roles and the economy play a role, too, for pretty much everyone under 40. But it's worth pointing out that this specific age cohort has special challenges on top of the issues that everyone else is living, too.

People in this thread are fucking wild... In college, and before I met my wife, I'd just get fucking trashed at house parties and then try to hit on anything with a pulse. Now, I'm not some "lady's man," and I didn't pull them all, but it definitely worked well enough to get me laid when I wasn't dating someone.

Shocker - never maced or reported for sexual assault?

Honestly, I get it's a green text, but this is pretty easily explained. First off: dating is fucking expensive, and unfortunately standard gender roles means the dude foots the bill most of the time. Yes times are changing, but that's still pretty standard. Pair that with the fact that dudes usually have to make the first move (again, old gender standards) and the fact that social media adds another layer of risk of being ridiculed or making someone viral because they were 'crimge' or 'gave the girl the ick' and it's a pretty stacked deck. Hell, point one is such a strong weigh in that it's enough to explain all of it. People are more broke than ever, and if dating by default involves going out, well guess that date isn't going to happen.

It's a complicated issue with a lot of layers. Like a depressing onion.

Men were told to stop approaching women for any reason in any situation. So we did.

Dating apps and websites have overinflated women's egos and absolutely obliterated most mens egos. The average looking guy with a job and some normal hobbies is going to get very few matches where as most women get hundreds a day regardless of their level of employment or having hobbies. This leads to women believing they can find the millionaire bachelor if they just hold out for longer when in reality they are not the women that the millionaire bachelor is going to pick.

Most women still expect men to be chivalrous and pay on the first date, but they have no actual intention of pursuing a relationship with that guy. Unfortunately some women have learned they can get a free meal and entertainment for an evening at no cost if they just say yes to dates they have no interest in. Most guys have been burned by that as some point.

A lot of women are still playing games. Saying no because they want the man to "chase" them or "fight" for them. Most guys have stopped entertaining that behavior whatsoever but I still see so many women doing it. As men we can't tell if that's what you want or if you actually mean it when you say no so the majority of us will immediately stop pursuing you if you decline us. I'm 33 and women are STILL doing this. I thought it would taper off as I got farther from high school aged girls but from my experience it has not gone down in any significant way.

There are a million other reasons and nuanced details but I am tired of typing.

Myself and most men I know around my age who all did very well in the dating scene when we were younger have just completely given up on dating now. We have zero interest in putting in the time, energy and money into something that yeilds nothing in return these days.

Like most things I think this will reach a breaking point and things will shift but I'm not sure when that will be or what will push things over the edge.

I assume years of collectively crying about it online has made something as simple and natural like dating seem like this unachievable task.

Not sure if it’s just me, but I feel like young people are less capable than ever to socialise. I thought I was a social pariah, but I don’t have shit on some people out there.

So many comments echoing "women told us to stop approaching us, so we did!"

I mean no offense, truly, but you missed the point if that's the message you took. It wasn't "Do not, under any circumstances, speak to a woman" it was, "if you shoot your shot and she's not interested, move on and don't make it weird. If she is at work, be very careful as customer service does not equal flirting." Yes, there are some grey areas (not sure even the best gentleman could slide up to a woman alone in a parking lot and not freak her out), but some of you are kicking up the board without even moving a piece. Stop pushing the narrative that only attractive men can speak to women. Not only are you assuming you're not attractive by saying that (which cannot be good for your confidence) , you're reducing women's feelings and concerns as being blindly shallow and unwarranted.

The world is not full of only beautiful people, yet people still live and love. Not to dismiss the difficulties (as an uggo myself, I get it), but you can get out there, I know you can.

A lot of people in this thread are talking about how much women suck because of X, Y, Z. But like... have you tried not dating shitty women? Or at least not getting so hung up on a woman who treats you poorly? Yeah, it sucks to be treated badly, but consider that you just dodged a bullet. You don’t need women like that in your life. Find a woman you actually connect with, someone you share interests with, not just someone you want to sleep with.

Two hard truths a lot of single men need to reckon with:

1: Most people are kind of shitty, and therefore, most women are kind of shitty. I could go on about how consumer culture and social media encourage toxic traits, but the fact of the matter is you should focus on not being a shitty person yourself, and you shouldn’t settle for shitty people either.

2: With number one in mind, you need to broaden your horizons regarding what kind of woman you’re attracted to. Porn and social media have rotted our brains when it comes to attraction. Maybe I’m just pervy, but honestly, I can find something attractive in just about everyone. 90% of people are at least a 7/10 if they put in some effort, and a 7/10 who you truly vibe with is better than a 10/10 who treats you like shit. And trust me, when you form a true romantic connection with someone, they become even more attractive in your eyes.

There are good, beautiful women out there, I know because I’m marrying one. We met online, and she’s one of the kindest and smartest people I’ve ever met, and I find her more beautiful than anyone else in the world. And I’m a fat, impoverished, autist. If I can do it, so can you.

Every time I see an article like this I think who fucking cares? Like what's going on with men? Its a generational and cultural thing its not men's fault. Dating sucks, people get rejected in ultra harsh ways, sometimes being filmed and then posted on social media for trying to ask someone out. If I was in the age range to be dating I wouldn't bother.

I just got divorced at 30 after 7 years and I'm probably not going to get involved with a woman again. I'm not interested in having kids because the world is ending so it's essentially a no win situation unless someone can change my mind on this.

Had a crush on one of my friends for years and she wasn't interested even when I got divorced. Till I bought my house and now she wants in on my life.

I'm not saying all women are bad but I just don't see the risk being worth it. My ex wife ruined my life after many years of happiness.

There are a lot of positives being in a relationship but way more negatives. I'm just happier alone.

I usually get people asking for my number or socials when they're interested, asking out tends to happen over electronic communication after that.

My process is basically

1. Casual conversation- if you don't hit it off naturally here, let it go.
2. Reciprocal flirting
3. Exchange contact info
4. Develop friendship
5. Ask out directly
6. ???
7. Go back to 1

I also get told I'm very attractive in various verbage near daily so 🤷‍♀️

Idk, just be respectful and don't be pushy if they're trying to let you down (and pay attention for if they're trying to do it gently)

For any free time I manage to get, dating is so far down the list of what to spend it on. Time is a premium in my life. Couple that with my past experiences dating as well as terrible stories from coworkers/friends. It’s not how I want to spend my time anymore. That’s my short answer. The longer one is more depressing but there are reasons dating just isn’t a priority for me.

Third places