Sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite. And if they do? Bite them back!
I hear this! Mine now tries to snuggle up by shoving his butt toward my face, and draping his tail across my mouth.
I've read about a variation of this and do it faithfully! Except you have to be driving under an overpass with train tracks, and there has to be a (preferably moving) train on the tracks above you. The idea is that when you press your hand to the car's ceiling, you get to send a wish to hitch a ride on the train going by above you. The moving train takes your wish along with it, giving it quicker travels, more exposure to the world, and thus more opportunities to be fulfilled.
I read your post a couple of hours ago, and thought about it--and I'm so glad you've been able to make some moves toward resolution.
One thing I keep thinking about, which you may not have had a chance to address: what is so troubling about the application?
Does it lead you to activities you don't want to perform? That is, if your application is accepted, and you complete the tasks that you've applied for, will you be happy, satisfied, fulfilled during and after those activities? Perhaps you have some deep sense that you don't want to go where this application takes you. Or perhaps your stumbling block is fear of failing at the tasks once you are admitted. Perhaps even your subconscious resistance is symbolic--it's a next step in growing up, moving on to the next phase of your life, and that brings all sorts of uncertainties, worries, opportunities to experience problems.
In any event, I think you've found one key to getting through the mental block: you broke the cycle by doing something (anything!) that breaks the pattern--getting out for a walk and a tram ride. Hooray!
Another key, I think, is that you mention missing doses of medication. Psych meds can do strange things to the mind, and sometimes (as you point out) the body/mind needs to adjust and ride out the change. Skipping doses can make you "think things you're not really thinking"--can shift brain chemistry in ways that make you believe the mental states are arising internally, when in fact they are chemically induced. Skipping doses can play havoc with your mental state. If the meds aren't working, or seem to be creating more problems than they solve, by all means ask your psych for a change--but it's not helpful to change the schedule of dosing just because you feel (or don't feel) like doing so.
From my (unwritten, mostly mental) gratitude journal:
My partner has Alzheimer's, and is in a nursing home. Can't walk, feed herself, needs more care than I can personally supply or round up for home-care.
But: I am grateful she still recognizes me, knows that I love her dearly, and can carry on a basic, simple conversation. I am grateful her nursing home's union negotiated a new contract with pay- and staffing-level increases. I am grateful that her wing has a new unit manager who seems more able to do the hard work of keeping the cats (aides & patients both) herded. I am grateful I have the ability to visit daily. I am grateful for those who support me IRL and online.
Paying someone a simple, spur of the moment compliment, when they seem pretty happy already—and then realizing from the expression on the recipient's face that it really meant a whole lot more to them than you thought it would.
And to hear those children laughing, and a bunch of other stuff to cheer you up: https://www.peptoc.net/hotline. (Free "warm line" with pre-recorded messages—from kids!)
First—wow. You’re living an incredibly full life. You’re meeting the situation you’re in by working two jobs; looking toward the future with the university degree. You have an admirably balanced portfolio of purposeful avocational activities to meet spiritual, physical and social needs. You’ve thought out and researched how mind and body work.
But I find myself wondering: “But when do you dream?” I’m not referring to sleep-dreaming. Rather, I’m thinking of something more like meditation—where the mind is either not engaged in purposeful activitiy, or is engaged in activity that is so rote, so engrained as automatic, that the subconscious is free to make its own associations that (for lack of a better descriptor) allow it to connect the dots from what seem to be disparate experiences.
I’m a (retired) academic. You mention you’re progressing further in university studies. You don’t describe it as onerous in terms of literal time commitments: absorbing material, completing tasks that assess subject mastery.
My experience has been that intensive intellectual processing seems to drain some sort of subconscious reservoir, which then demands to be replenished. If I do not give this process its due, eventually I become a gibbering idiot; for lack of a better term, I think of it as “brain-lock.” If I try to push through, I make stupid mistakes. Like the day I woke up, cleaned my contact lenses like I had done for some 20 years, and tried to pop them in my eyes using the soap solution instead of the wetting solution. I burned my eyes so badly I had to take the day off. (No long-term harm—just serious ouch.)
Another consideration: You don’t say how old you are; some details you mention suggest you’re beyond early 20s. Specifics aren’t particularly important. I’m old enough to be retired. So here’s the point: as we age, the balance of body-mind-spirit components we need will change. I find that I need more “free-range” mental/emotional time to recover from stressful situations. Perhaps that is also so for you.
I don’t know what components you may want or need to shift in your schedule. But since you’ve asked what’s going on, I’ve offered my best guess on what you might need to assemble your own answer.
Yes. This is the basic driving style on the Katy. No rules, no lanes. Just wide open spaces, bumper to bumper at a minimum of 75 mph. On a good day.
Walk? In Houston? Nope.
Woo-hoo! And just to note, you've gotta click the three-bars (hamburger) menu doo-hickey, bottom left corner, either mobile or desktop, to get to the resources. Resources open in a navigation menu on the left. (The phrase "Trans-Resources.Info" appears to be a link, but just takes you back to the home page. Had me puzzled at first. Weird web design, great resources.)
Yes; Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has much in common with mindfulness meditation. My partner was in a CBT program a few years ago, and a number of the "take home and read for homework" handouts were from Buddhist sources.
For those who don't find instructions on meditation very helpful, perhaps a CBT workbook might offer the same strategies, phrased in different ways.
Sorry, absolutely no clue—like at least 30-40 years ago.