Balaquina

Seems like there's something in Uranus. A giant stick perhaps?

I can only speak for myself, but there is more to this than just fear of death. It is my eyes being forcibly opened to how evil and stupid so many people are. I've always known there was evil in the world, I've always known that from time to time evil comes into power and does an enormous amount of damage, but I never in a million years could have guessed how widespread and common evil really is. People I love, and who I thought loved me are showing their true colours, as are people I have known for decades. I can't help but look back on my life and think "Was all this fake? The good times, the memories, was it all just bullshit? Were you evil the whole fucking time??" If we were in Germany in the 40s, these are the people who would have sold me out to the Nazis.

Being born on this planet and living through a time like this is like being six years old and arriving at an amazing looking birthday party with balloons and cake and presents and pony rides, only to find out that the cake has been poisoned, the ponies are being beaten with a whip, and your best friend is trying to stab you to death with the cake knife because he wants your balloon. Being at a party with people like that kind of spoils the whole experience.

Being surrounded by evil and stupidity, being betrayed by the ones you love, it makes me feel like all the good times and memories are just an illusion and there is nothing for me here. No point to any of it. So my mental health suffers, just like OP's mental health suffers. I can't see a way out of this. What has been seen cannot be unseen. What has been realized cannot be unrealized. So, it isn't the fear of death that is getting to me. It's living in this fucking nightmare.

Interesting about the carbonation. I used to think I was addicted to the sugar in soft drinks. Turns out, nope, I'm addicted to the bubbles. I drink carbonated water like it's going out of style, and rarely drink the sugar drinks now.

God damn...

Oh God...

There's five of them???

You definitely don't need to feel alone, there are legions of us out there. Our experience is not uncommon. I'm sorry that you had to go through that. I hope you can find some peace, and that you can reconcile (if desired) with your parents. It took a long time, but I eventually did and things are a lot better now.

When it comes to financial stuff, probably a 7/10. I had piano lessons, riding lessons, summer camp, etc. I honestly have a lot of fond memories of all that stuff. When it comes to abuse, probably -7. Lots of physical violence, screaming and yelling, threats to kill my animals, threats to kill me, threats for them to kill themselves, constant criticism about literally everything, and having to walk on eggshells my entire childhood and living in a constant state of extreme stress because I never knew when things would blow up and I would get my ass kicked for something random like not setting the table correctly.

Holy shit, what in the ever loving fuck is wrong with people??

Let's be real, most of them didn't even start reading it.

Double negatives are hard. I love Graphene.