MeatPilot

Your skinwalker?

This is the level of punishment it feels like is being applied. Not enough.

Oh it's not easy, I keep stopping and forcing myself to restart. But it's been invaluable, because when I look back I realized how shitty my memory is. Half of the things I put in there I wouldn't remember if I didn't write them down.

I've been using an app called eMoods if it helps.

Thanks it helps.

I feel like this the blind leading the blind. But I settled on trying to push for a psych evaluation instead of jumping into sessions. I've also been journaling my mental state and sleep daily, so I can be prepared this time. Roughest thing I did was physically writing out my past trauma/history, but figured I'd have that on hand too so I had a checklist of things I can remember to talk about. Maybe disconnect it when I talk about it.

Figure with all that at least I can get a baseline opinion out of it and if I don't like the person this time I have some actionable items I can plug in for people that specialize in what might crop up.

My issues though are not clear so I'm just struggling to find the right path. I hope you keep at it, just as much as I do.

All I can think is... You're already 90% nude, so why bother with shoes on a beach? 🤔

Thanks, I have gone there and it was helpful.

I made the mistake the first time by just taking my family doctor's opinion because I'm newer to the area and have no idea where to start. He sent me to the group who had asshole #1 and I found out afterwards that guy had a lot negative reviews for the same issues I had. The group was ok, but he was the worst and I got placed with him because everyone else was full. I was ignorant and was just desperate to get "somewhere". Boy was that a mistake.

Bigger problem I'm finding is there is a very small list for my area. Once I popped in the filter for non-secular it gets barren. I live in a very religious area, I'm not anti-religion. But I am an atheist that doesn't want to go to someone who tells me to confide in God to heal myself. Been to one of those before, just doesn't work.

Essentially I have narrowed it down to two.

Had a similar issue I had to help my folks with. Turns out their was a whole mandarin orange peel jammed inside the pipe. Not sure how it shimmied past the filter, but was one hell of an extraction I never want to do again.

Thanks, this really fucked with me when I tried to scroll past.

Like when you are backing up your car and the car next to you starts going forward.

Just young spice enthusiasts.

He killed Bowser and rest of the koopas are taking revenge.

Completely vulnerable moment

As a person long overdue to get some mental help. I've been really motivated to get myself better since early last year. Had some events happen where I was like, yeah I need to handle my shit.

I'll say the process so far is my biggest hurdle. Took ages to get a referral, once I got the referral took ages to get seen. When I finally was seen it was the wrong fit. Now I'm waiting until next week to start again and push for different referrals, all so my insurance covers some of it (maybe).

Meanwhile I'm doing the best I can, but certainly think about just throwing in the towel and drowning myself in drugs again. Which worked a long time until it really really didn't work. But the thought of finally getting my foot in the door to spend months and thousands trying to even find a root cause just feels utterly pointless. Also now raw dogging life without anything to dull it but some doctor prescribed sleeping pills is challenging to say the least.

Still the worst part is explaining the laundry list of my past trauma to strangers just to get them up to speed. Hopefully to help pinpoint where I need to focus my efforts on getting better. Last fellow just had to say "well you made it this far and seem to be doing better than most of my patients". Essentially call me back when you have a full blown meltdown, because I only deal with extremes. That shit was deflating, sorry for being proactive and trying to get help before I get committed somewhere?

I've spent a really long time keeping my issues in check, I've become very good at what to say or not say that is bouncing around my skull. Now that I can't do it anymore it seems to throw a lot of people for a loop.

Anyhow feels like some sort of shitty race to see if my mind breaks first or I get help before that happens. Than when I do get to the right step 1 there will be this slow trial and error I need to go through. Which I completely understand is necessary, but it's not giving me much hope.

That person on fire is probably like that because the healthcare system just kept dosing it with gasoline before they stepped foot in the office.