emmie

joined 2 years ago
[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

We love substances, if there is one thing I love as chem tech its substances

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Well yeah I think it is more properly attributed to that. But that also doesn’t change my point too much. If someone was pulling life together by anxiety, such sudden change is bound to be chaotic. I have plenty of security to insulate against this chaos at least

I just didn’t expect I would lose drive that made me grip the first career that was considered trendy that someone mentioned somewhere and I chosen because I had to choose something and maybe prove something

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Maybe I will but my country has substandard adhd treatment with 2 meds available but I guess one can try that and see for myself if this is desirable change or something only made to fit into contemporary society workforce

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (3 children)

Maybe, I am a bit energetic and overthinking as always but I don’t know if I would call it anxiety. At least it is different than it was. It was more like a paralysing fear that made me shake and I thought I am dying every second day.

If this overthinking is anxiety indeed then I think I kinda like it. But then I couldn’t know, I never had it differently.

I also fkd this post up a little by saying CBD but it likely was also HRT estrogen, probably mainly. I am not super good at formulating good posts

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Well I was born fortunate and so my success didn’t come and yet I can enjoy such things. I think we all want to accomplish something in life ultimately, small or big it’s all very personal. My history is so complicated because I am also on HRT right now and I have gender related goals that take a big part of the whole picture. Maybe I underestimate how big. And yet some of these goals will never materialise and I will have to come to terms with some of it.

As much as I would want to look like some girl from instagram. I don’t think this is possible or is even productive to think too much about

 

I was always very anxious person and this anxiety really helped me to motivate myself to do anything. I would procrastinate, wait for anxiety to kick in and panicking do the thing in 1/10 of time. However after this cbd thing the anxiety no longer kicks in lmao. It is gone for real, I can’t even evoke it if I wanted. And so my career/education took a huge hit.

At first I thought this effect was because of slight amounts of THC “making me lazy”. I imagined that I got a bit addicted to it over the year of everyday full spectrum cbd usage and I got stereotypical “bum” mentality from “weed” 😅

My next step as soon as I noticed that I no longer have drive and motivation and ambition? was to just come clean off it and I did it single day, was a bit irritable and angry for a week but generally not a big deal.

So now I am months after that and I realize that there is more to this. That this anxiety that cbd killed was actually part of my coping with adhd. I mean how else explain that months after quitting I still haven’t regained my “motivation” to finish something before deadline? The anxiety just doesn’t kick in, it is gone.

Idk honestly I must find some other way because I am almost 30 and that also is some sort of deadline hopefully the anxiety kicks at birthday.

I don’t know honestly if I should celebrate my calmness and relaxation or should I curse myself for losing the coping method. I need to find another.. somehow.

I guess I don’t miss panic attacks but it is hard to balance it all. Some anxiety is kind of a force that for me was propelling me forward. Now I just want to relax and chill all the timee. Sit there on the patio comfortably with beverage and just take the nature in. That doesn’t work good for me in the long run I feel.

[–] [email protected] -1 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

Marxism is critically flawed about surplus value and definitions of egalitarianism unfortunately so while it all sounds nice on paper it never worked in practice

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Op probably thinks socialism == Scandinavian welfare states. Most online USA midwits don’t know the difference

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

80/20

I live by this rule, it made me gain so much credibility and money from people who don’t know any better. 80/20 <3

20 percent of work nets you 80 percent of result (except no one knows what I did isn’t 100 percent) bam 4/5 of time saved. Everyone is happy and if something doesn’t work we can just blame it on client

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (2 children)

Yeah well good luck with adhd at: work hard, show on time, remember that you have any work at all

First month is always all cool and nice thanks to inhumane amount of energy but then it catches up with you and you plunge hard

The more monotonous and routine something is the worse it gets. Same tram every day at same hour? Two weeks max before inevitable disappearance to never appear again.

It’s like walls are closing on you and anxiety attacks start and you have to run and regain your strength to try anew somewhere else.

Once it got so bad I almost got paranoidal psychosis because I just felt so bad so to preserve my mental health I had to disappear and barricade for half a year to recoup.

It’s no fun standing in public and feeling like you are about to die, freaking out about it, freaking out about freaking out about it and that you are crazy, running like mad from the place that gave you this suffocating feeling

-18
submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
 

It is annoying semi annoying maybe but like I use it to do black market things, anarchy stuff, getting medicine where gov provides shit. It is such a crutch

But you dare to mention it on mainstream media and you will get lynched or banned for whatever reason nowadays.

Kinda irks me because it helps with my disability so much to get stuff I need, medicine. I couldn't function without it

Just ranting I guess, I do too much of rants admittedly

Edit: So I see all the scams created bias about this tech which is unfortunate. But looking aside this tech is pretty rad though maybe too much resource intensive depending on implementation

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