Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ChelseaCheesy on 2024-01-21 16:37:10+00:00.

I post my food pics from when I go out to eat on Instagram. It's just for fun, I spend like 30 minutes a week on it, tops. My boyfriend is a very sweet guy in many ways, but one thing that I'm not so much a fan of is that he often hops on the bandwagon of hating on innocent things. Not just not liking something, but making sure everyone knows he doesn't like it even if nobody asked. I can't help but notice a theme: Pumpkin spice lattes, pouty selfies, Taylor Swift, etc. As you can guess, he is not a fan of of the food pics and thinks it's very annoying and cringe. He doesn't even follow my insta even though he has an account :(

Even though I don't have very many followers, I have started getting occasional offers and invitations from restaurants in my city to try their food for free in exchange for a review. Nothing crazy—no steak dinners so far—but I've gotten a few sandwiches and several baked goods.

Well, I just hit the big leagues and got invited to a new restaurant opening that includes a free appetizer and entree for me and one guest. I immediately invited one of my Instagram friends who I have gone out to eat with on several occasions and who also enjoys taking food photos. I told my boyfriend and he's pissed that I'm not taking him and says I'm doing it out of spite—I really think I'm not? If the restaurant is giving me free food in exchange for a post, I'm gonna put more effort into the post and spend a few extra minutes making sure that I actually get very good shots, and I'd rather do it with someone who isn't going to sigh and roll their eyes through the whole thing. Also, I think it's pretty audacious of him to be actively unsupportive of an activity that hurts no one, but then also expects to benefit when it's actually successful.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Throwaway-26435654 on 2024-01-21 16:28:14+00:00.

Throwaway account. My partner’s sibling is engaged and they have decided to do a destination wedding in the fiancé’s home country.

This is because the fiancés family is larger, and solely resides in their home country and cannot travel to our home country. The engaged couple intend to marry in the fiancés home country and then return to our home country.

This will require myself, my partner and my partner’s parents to fly in order to attend.

The issue that has arisen is they have proposed a wedding date in the immediate future that significantly conflicts with our respective lives. To explain:

Both my partner and I have jobs that wouldn’t allow us to book time off specifically around the date they’ve proposed. We would need to catch red-eye flights and arrive on the day of with little to no sleep involved. This is a non-negotiable conflict, neither of us can take a few days off beforehand given our professions.

My partner’s parents have a pre-existing scheduling conflict that would allow them to attend. However, they would essentially arrive a few days before, attend, and then leave.

The engaged couple do have an urgency to their wedding and I can understand that. However, I do not understand why they cannot get court room married and then plan a destination ceremony allowing everyone to attend comfortably without the stress. To me, given the urgency, these events can be separate and do not have to be done simultaneously.

I feel like we are being forced into a rock and a hard place - we want to attend, but will not be able to present our best selves. My partner is willing to endure because it’s their sibling, but, I am of the opinion we will likely be so stressed out and burnt out that we will fight and not have a good time whatsoever.

Naturally I do not have any info from my partner’s fiancés side on why they’ve chosen the proposed date. So perhaps there is a more significant driving force on their end.

So WITBA if I put my foot down and say “I’m sorry, but your proposed wedding date does not work with my schedule”.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/DiscussionOutside302 on 2024-01-21 16:15:07+00:00.

The title is as bad as I feel I know but I think I really messed up. I'm a 31 yr old female and my friend A is 33 we have known each other for 23yrs and I love her very much. But I would say we have drifted apart and now she only messages me when she wants something. The last year has been really hard on me. My grandfather died of cancer, my best friend of twenty years ended our friendship abruptly and I have had multiple seizures sometimes back to back to back. Earlier this year her dogs [multiple] died suddenly and when it happened in August I was there for her.

I sent her a sympathy card, stayed up late with her on skype just listening to her vent and even got her an ornament of her dogs to give her some comfort. I did this several times and even would randomly call her just to remind her that I love her and that I am here for her. I listened every time she recited the horrible story of how her dogs died; no matter how upset it made me. I now know where she was, when and how it happened and could easily recite it by heart. I understand she was traumatized which is why I feel awful.

But here's the thing, A has never been the best pet owner, she never fixes her pets or takes them to the vet but has money for things like plushies and comic books, and her dog had been sick for months. I begged her to take the dog to the vet but she sighted she can't afford it. And then back in November around thanksgiving I got a skype call from my grandfather. He was 90 years old and dying of cancer and although I only got 10 yrs with him [he lived in a third-world country] I was so close to him. I had the worst thanksgiving ever and when he said goodbye he even asked me to tell him it was ok to go.

Last week, A called me and wished me a happy new year; she was late but whatever. She asked me how I was and I told her that I will be ok but it's my first year without him in the last decade. She asked me if I was okay and I said "not really," and that I am struggling. Here's where I might be the asshole, she said, "Yeah I know how you feel my dog left a hole too." and proceeded to recount the way her dogs died *yet again.*

I told her, "Yes I know but can we not talk about this again? I really need to vent and it's not the same as losing a pet." I know she misses them but I am grieving and really just needed someone to listen to me; I know she isn't my therapist but come on.

And she told me that the pain of losing my grandfather was *equal* to the pain of losing my grandfather because she was just as traumatized as I am. I lost it, I just lost it. I snapped at her, "I don't CARE that your dog's died! I get it! THEY DIED! Can we focus on me for Once?! My grandfather is dead!" and I broke down crying while she called me an asshole and hung up leading to a barrage of texts calling me a heartless asshole. Was I though? I feel really bad and need a second opinion.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Cautious-Hat-9697 on 2024-01-21 15:53:49+00:00.

Didn’t think I’d need to come back here so soon 🥲

So I (22F) received a visit from my mom for New Year’s. She came with one of my cousins and we hung out for a couple days and it was a great. The only time things were bad was when she asked if I could loan her about $500 and she promised to CashApp me the money back when she got paid next time. I told her no. She tried to argue with me, but I shut her down, and she let it go.

A week later I noticed my credit card was missing. I don’t use it very often, usually just for a couple automatic bills. I had logged onto my account online to pay my balance since my check came through that morning, and I saw that my balance was much higher than I had expected. There were three charges I expected, my electric bill and my phone bill and some gas, and then several charges that I knew weren’t from me. They were for fast food, clothing places, etc. I thought it might be a glitch, so I called my CC company and checked my wallet for my card. I realized it was missing, and a nice customer service rep helped me with that whole process, but then I started walking through everyone my wallet had been around and every place it had been left since my last physical use of it.

I ended up texting my mom because it was stressing me out and I felt like I needed to talk to one of my parents, but dad and I aren’t on great terms. When I told mom what happened, she told me not to worry and that it wasn’t stolen, she had just borrowed it. To be honest, I did lose my cool once I realized she wasn’t joking. She insisted she’d cashapp me the money when she gets paid the next day, and that she thought she’d be able to handle it before I even noticed. I told her that’s not acceptable and to cut up my card (I deactivated it anyway). She got upset and told me to stop throwing a fit and that she can’t believe I’m being “such a brat” about helping her. Things escalated from there, and I did call her some names before telling her to not contact/come around me and hanging up. After that, I called the police both in my area and in her’s to see which precinct I needed to file charges with.

My mom has blown up my phone so much since this that I’ve had to block her, and she is posting all over Facebook about how I’m getting her thrown back in jail just for borrowing some money, and how she can’t understand how she raised such a stingy child. AITA? Or losing my mind? I don’t think I did anything wrong here.

Edit: Good GOD I didn’t expect that much feedback. I posted this before I went into work and I’ve been working through a serious customer rush since. I don’t have much of my break left so I can’t reply to many comments until later.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Dat1payne on 2024-01-21 15:15:56+00:00.

AITA for being upset my husband always assumes I hurt my baby?

I was washing my 21 month old's hands. I sent her down to go play and she immediately tripped and fell. My husband heard her fall jumps up and angrily yells at me "did you drop her Dude?!?". I tell him of course not and to shut the fuck up because every time she is clumsy he assumes I did something to hurt her. Which to me is ridiculous. I pick up my toddler and we go into the bedroom to play. He follows me into the bedroom and starts telling me about why it was a reasonable assumption and how it is my fault if she trips when I'm watching her. I tell him that is unreasonable, she is a toddler and they are not coordinated yet, I can't control her every move. He asks why I'm mad and I start explaining that a reasonable response to her falling would be "is she okay" not assuming your wife did something to hurt your toddler. He cuts me off mid sentence and says "please stop talking to me" which makes me more mad. I gather her and my stuff and we leave to the living room. He asks why I am leaving the room and I told him why would I want to be in a room with a man who asked me to not talk. He says "I didn't say for you to not talk, I asked you to stop talking to me. It's different." At this point I'm fuming. My husband assumes the worst about me every time and is saying it's my fault my toddler occasionally trips on herself. And then acts like I'm unreasonable for being mad and when I try to express that anger by explaining why that is unreasonable, he acts like he is some calm guy and asks me to stop talking to him. The rest of the night he acts like nothing happened and said I am an AH for not wanting to cuddle and hang out with him. AMITA for getting mad and telling him to shut the fuck up or is he the AH for asking me if I dropped her and then not letting me explain why I was mad?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/PlatinumBicycle on 2024-01-21 13:09:09+00:00.

Not in the US

My (21f) parents had me when they were in college. After a year my mom left us. Her name remained on my birth certificate but my dad had all the rights to me. My dad and his older sister raised me until my aunt married when I was 9 and then it was just me and my dad.

A few months ago I was contacted by my mom. She was sick and dying and wanted to see me. I was kinda curious for my other family and went to meet her. My mom married and had another daughter Mindy (17) and a son (13). Her two siblings were also there when I visited her. I want to say it was an emotional reunion but I seriously don’t know this woman and she was pale and weak on her bed so other than some sympathy and pity I didn’t feel much for her.

Everyone else left except her nurse. We talked and updated each other about our lives. She did fine for herself and I’m in a good school so nothing much to worry about. Before I left, she gave me a gold and diamond bracelet saying it was my grandmother’s and made her nurse act as a witness. I took it. Her nurse then said she needed to rest and I left her side. I didn’t really talk much with mom’s new family or my aunt and uncle because they didn’t seem to want to talk to me. So I kinda nodded at them and left.

My mom passed a month ago. I attended the funeral along with my dad. I wore the bracelet and at least a few family members saw it. My mom’s sister contacted me a week ago, saying the bracelet should be Mindy’s as it was supposed to pass from oldest daughter to oldest daughter in our family. She said I have not been part of the family until like a month ago and I didn’t deserve the bracelet.

I told her that my mom gave it to me with the nurse as a witness and the bracelet is mine. I said if they want it so bad I am willing to sell it to them. She called me a selfish AH and said the bracelet carries a lot of sentimental value for the family and I only saw money. She also said my mom was sick and incapable of making any logical decisions and I took advantage of her unwell state when I just accepted the bracelet. She said I was robbing Mindy of a chance to carry on the tradition and that she loves the bracelet and I just stole it from her.

Again, I said they could buy it from me at a reasonable price. I think I offered a perfectly reasonable solution. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Overall_Sherbert_355 on 2024-01-21 12:59:33+00:00.

I (17M) am the oldest kid in my family. My parents have two bio kids; me and my 12 year old sister and they adopted my 4 other siblings. I had dozens of foster siblings over the years as well. My parents have struggled to make time and have the money for all of us. It has meant a lot of sacrificing and mostly on my part. My parents were able to make sure all my younger siblings had at least one activity outside of school to do but they never did that for me. I was forced to play football when I was 5 but by the time I was 7 my parents had started fostering and I was no longer doing that. My siblings all get to do something they like. Cora does dance for example. Some of my other siblings are in music classes.

The younger kids were also prioritized with school field trips. So they always got to go while I haven't since I was 6. The last time I asked was when I was about 9 and my parents told me to work for the money to pay. My grandparents found out what they said and gave me the money and my parents took it off me to use for the household. My grandparents were so mad at them for that.

They delayed my tonsil surgery by 2 years because they prioritized 2 foster kids and two of my siblings surgeries over mine.

My grandparents saw how much I was getting the short end of everything with my parents and they set up a college fund for me. It's a lot of money and really caught me off guard. My parents know about it but cannot access it. They only know because of a fight with my grandparents over the lack of saving for my future when they have saved something for my siblings. My parents said the money my grandparents saved should be divided equally because $350,000 is a lot to save for one grandchild when you have multiple.

That money is still there and I have plans for it. But my youngest sister is 5 and she needs a pretty major stomach surgery. She's had a lot of health troubles since her birth and my parents have paid a lot of money on her medical expenses. They were told this surgery could turn her life around and give her a chance at living with less pain and stomach complications. It could give her a more normal childhood because she can't do a lot. They don't have the money for the surgery and they want me to give them the money to pay for it and for the expenses afterward. They said they need $270,000 for the whole thing and maybe they can give some of it back but they might need even more if stuff gets more complicated. I told them they can't have that money and they lost it and told me I was being selfish and I argued back that they take from me all the time. I asked why they didn't take the money they saved for all my siblings and use that, why does it have to be mine. They said I am putting college before my sister's future and accused me of being unwilling because she's my sister through adoption and not my bio sister.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/PuzzleheadedGold6079 on 2024-01-21 11:36:52+00:00.

I 29f own my own home, I was given my deposit in the form of inheritance from my late grandmother 3 years ago. I’m incredibly lucky and greatful for this and I don’t hide that’s how I was able to buy.

My bf 27m of 8 months, just bought his first home, I’m very happy for him. However he likes to tell people he did it without any help and saved up all by himself. This it’s technically true, he did save the money by himself, but he also got help in that his parents let him live at home rent free and food free for years so he could save. He was able to save £30k in 2 years because of this!

He was having some friends round (not a housewarming) and bragging about how he saved up all by himself and ‘didn’t just get a handout like some people’ whilst also looking at me. I was really shocked by this as, due to the housing market right now, everyone I know has had some help from family in order to buy homes, even those in couples.

I basically said back what I said in the title and pointed out he lived at home rent free for years, so he did get help from his parents. One of his friends agreed with me, my bf got angry and the night ended shortly after. Once everyone left he told me I was an asshole and embarrassed him infront of his friends.

So am I TA for this?

Edit to address things that keep coming up: Yes he was deliberately looking at me when he made the comment, everyone could tell.

He paid for nothing whilst living at home, no rent, no contribution to gas and electric, no council tax, he did not pay for food. He bought himself a newer car because he didn’t like the family one he was able to use.

He bought at the end of November, housewarming was in December. This was not the first time he had made comments like that but the first time he had intentionally looked at me whilst making them.

Edit: Spelling

After university I house shared and rented for 5 years, I saved some money but nowhere near enough to buy because of the cost of renting. I said in comments and will say again I wouldn’t have my home if not for my grandma because of the housing situation in the UK right now.

And to the person who said I let my grandmother die so I could have her money. Fuck you!

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/IntelligentSoup7857 on 2024-01-21 10:27:26+00:00.

I 24f have a close friend Sara 25f who is dating Ted. We were best friends with Sara since high school and we’ve always been there for each other. I have met Ted briefly once as him and Sara have been together for a month.

Recently we have been distant, as Sara has blown off our plans or cancelled them last minute, for me to see on social media that she went to do something with Ted instead. This upset me, as I moved further away for my husband’s job, so us meeting up isn’t a last minute plan, and made weeks beforehand as I’m far but also pregnant so I have to find pub lic transport as my husband takes the car to work.

After Sara flaked a second time to hang out with Ted, I told her how I felt about her blowing me off and Sara apologised and offered to help plan my baby shower to make up for it. Sara is an events planner and took care of everything. I organised catering for lunch, and sent Sara to all-girl guest list to let her know how many heads she’s have to account for. My sister helped, and I made it clear to both of them to add on the invites no partners, except one of my friend Amy’s invite as she is gay and I wanted her girlfriend to come.

Yesterday was my baby shower, and Sara brought Ted. I assumed he was dropping her off, but he took his coat off with Sara and I pulled Sara aside to say politely we don’t have enough food for Ted, and she insisted they could share off the same plate.

I got upset and then my sister asked Sara if she could ask Ted to leave, but Sara said if Ted left she would too so I kicked them both out. My baby shower after was ok then, but I missed Sara for most of it.

I checked my phone today to find Sara upset that I kicked her out and embarrassed her in front of all our friends and a text from Ted saying he got my number from Sara and as he heard Amy’s partner was coming he thought he could come too.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/sisom0698 on 2024-01-22 04:29:31+00:00.

So my husband and I play video games. Everyone knows that most multiplayer online games have trolls. Well that happened this morning, I was playing with a teammate that was trolling me. I don’t generally get upset about these types of things, but this morning I did. He, however, gets majorly upset for these types of things. After the game was over he told me “stop acting like a baby, it’s just a game.” I told him to stfu. This turned into me getting called a “bitch, whore, cunt”. He thinks that he was wronged in some sort of way. Did me telling him to stfu really warrant all of that?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/FunError1216 on 2024-01-22 04:08:22+00:00.

I (22f) have had pretty bad periods since I was like 14. Normally I just find a comfy position on the floor and lie there, because often I can find a more odd position then my bed and I can roll a little. I am used to the high levels of pain by now and don't want to be bothered, I just want to lie there and be left alone.

My bf was staying the weekend at my place and I got my period so I was lying on the ground. My bf sees this and asks whats wrong. I told him that it was js cramps and I was fine. He walks over to me and kneels down asks if I need help getting back on to the bed. I said no. He asked if I wanted water or food or anything. I said no just leave me alone. I said it in a stern tone so he would know to leave me alone. He said you sure, do you want me to heat up your heating pad or? I cut him off and yelled. "Omg js shut up and leave me the fuck alone".

He said ok and actually left my apartment. He texted me later that he wanted to give me some space so he left for a bit, and around night time he says he was hurt by what I said and that he was going back to his place. I told him to quit being a bitch, and told him that if he grew up with sisters he'd understand that if a woman tells you to leave her alone he should just do it. He told me that the fact I was doubling down on it implied it wasn't my pain or hormones and that he was really upset. I told him to stop being so annoying about it and he hasn't responded.

I think that he was just trying to be polite and I may have crossed a line

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/thepersonwhospeaks on 2024-01-22 03:53:36+00:00.

Hey everyone, I (28M) recently found myself grappling with a situation that's left me questioning if I'm the asshole for not inviting my friend (27F) to a significant milestone celebration. We've been close friends for several years, and she's been a part of many important moments in my life.

The milestone I celebrated was a major personal achievement, and I wanted to mark the occasion with a small, intimate gathering. I carefully curated the guest list, inviting only a select few close friends and family members who had been particularly supportive and involved in this specific journey with me. The decision was not a reflection of my overall friendship with others but rather a choice based on the context of this celebration.

However, when my friend discovered the event through social media, she reached out, expressing her disappointment and confusion about not being invited. In our conversation, I explained that the limited guest list was due to the intimate nature of the celebration and the desire to share it with those who had played a direct role or provided exceptional support during this specific phase of my life.

Despite my explanation, my friend took offense and argued that our long-standing friendship should have automatically secured her an invitation. She expressed feeling hurt and left out, emphasizing the importance of our history together.

While I certainly value our friendship and the memories we've created, I also believe that the nature of this celebration warranted a more focused and close-knit gathering. I considered the specific individuals who have been instrumental in this journey and wanted to acknowledge their contributions in a more personal setting.

Now, I'm caught in a dilemma between feeling justified in my decision to keep the celebration small and wondering if I've unintentionally jeopardized the closeness of our friendship. I'm left wondering if I should have made different choices to avoid hurting her feelings.

Reflecting on the situation, I'm unsure if I handled it appropriately or if I should have considered the potential impact on our friendship more carefully. AITA for not inviting her to my milestone celebration, and is our friendship at risk due to this decision?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/simro342 on 2024-01-22 01:58:35+00:00.

My friend claims she has a condition called POTS and is quote "essentially allergic to gravity". She says her heart stopped on a tilt table test and she ended up passing out. I looked it up and it says it's a condition affecting the heart and autonomic nervous system and I told her that gravity is a force not an allergen so she cannot have any kind of allergy or intolerance to it. She got upset with me saying that her cardiologist told her that her body fails to compensate for gravity whenever she's upright. I told her that if she couldn't tolerate gravity she'd have a lot more problems than cardiovascular ones. Aita?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/throwaway3792938000 on 2024-01-22 01:50:17+00:00.

I’m posting this because I really was to see his point of view but I’m having trouble doing so.

My boyfriend brought up earlier that one time when we were laying in bed together, I asked him to get me a glass of water from downstairs. He said he didn’t like that because it was showing my ego. From his perspective, we were both comfortable and warm in bed and I could’ve gotten up to get it myself. Why should he get up and do it when I’m perfectly capable of it? He also said I was being lazy.

I explained that yes, I was comfortable in bed and that is probably why I asked him to grab me some water in that moment. But I asked because it was something I would appreciate from him, and it would make me happy. Why wouldn’t he want to do that simple gesture? I’m having trouble wrapping my head around his resistance for doing nice things for me.

I told him if he asked me to do the same of course I would because I want to make him happy and I know it’s something he’d appreciate. He said he would never ask me to do that though, because he’s perfectly capable of doing it himself.

Am I letting my ego show? Please help, I don’t want to be an asshole :(

Edit: My own curiosity has gotten the best of me. Those who are commenting, I would love to know if you are currently in relationship. I wonder if this has any baring over one’s opinion? I’ve been getting very mixed responses and am genuinely curious.

Edit 2: Someone said I should add this comment I made to give more context since here it is!

“Not trying to defend myself (well, I guess by definition I am haha) but when I think about it I do feel I do things for my boyfriend to try and show I care. I’ll clean his apartment when he’s at work, make the bed for him even though it’s not something he does for himself, etc. I think this might be why I didn’t think it was the biggest deal to ask him to do a favor for me.”

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/_ILoveUSHistory on 2024-01-22 01:35:29+00:00.

16F he’s 17M. We’ve been together for about 3 years now.

I’ve met his friends and he met mine, but due to economic/ social differences I would say it’s pretty awkward for us all to be around each other.

I come from a single income family (dads disabled) and I’m black. Whereas him and his friends come from a pretty nice middle class family (both parents work) and he’s white.

I don’t care about the race at all, although it does make it a little awkward for us all to be around each other. I’m the only POC In their group and girl, so it’s pretty awkward.

I wanted to give some background information on why it’s awkward. And why I don’t usually hang out with them.

Anyway, my boyfriends on the wrestling team. We recently had a game and he won. Which I knew he was gonna do (lol) so I bought him some candies a Dicks gift card. He was happy and I was asking him if he wanted to come over and possibly spend the night.

He told me he, to sum it up, was going to spend some time with his friends and play some games with them. I’m not going to lie I did get upset and my face did change because of that. I guess he took my facial change as a joke, gave me kisses and was making fun of me for being “jealous”.

I didn’t want to be a bad gf or seem clingy so I just laughed along with him. He did ask me if I wanted to come but I told him I didn’t want to make it awkward or make it weird since it was rlly like a friends night.

He asked me again and I said yeah. He dropped me off and I saw by watching his story he had fun, later on we did talk and I jokingly said he was always choosing his friends over me.

Which he kinda does, He never really asks me to hangout I’m usually asking him, 75% of the time he says he has plans with “his boys”. But it was still a joke.

It did make him upset and we did get into a light argument. I was telling him how it was a joke and he kept saying well it wasn’t funny. I did apologize and he came over and cuddled with me.

I really just want a honest opinion on if I was TA. I don’t want to seem like I’m taking him away from his friends but sometimes I really just want to hold my boyfriend lol.

AITAH? Sorry this is long.

TLDR: Boyfriend won a wrestling match, I wanted him to come over but he already made plans with his friends. I got upset because he usually makes plans with his friends but never really with me. He got upset and I feel bad.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/wyndqueen on 2024-01-21 22:41:10+00:00.

There isn't a date set for it, she was thinking of doing it 3 years from now, which is fine but I feel like it's too early to be asking anyone if that's the case. Plans change and later she could just kick me out entirely.

I personally just don't want to do it because there's a lot of responsibility. I also don't think I'd be a good bridesmaid or MOH, so I don't want to ruin it for her. We aren't that close and I feel like she has some friends she could ask instead of me. Idk if she asked in obligation because I'm her sister, but it wouldn't have hurt my feelings if she didn't ask me.

My husband and I have also been talking about possibly moving out of state and we aren't sure when it will happen. I know I could still be in it if we did move but that'd be more stress.

ETA- Sister and mom are both upset over this.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/InnerAd1183 on 2024-01-21 22:37:59+00:00.

Throwaway account and all names are changed.

Hi everyone. I'm in a bit of a situation and was hoping for some advice. I (30F) recently got married to my wonderful husband Larry (33M), and our wedding went perfectly except for one thing. Larry has two older siblings: Candace (38F) and Orlando (40M), and he's very close to them. He also has several cousins, most of whom he likes. He has a cousin, Susan (38F), who's married to Gabriel (39M). Larry thinks that Susan has undiagnosed autism due to her difficulties in social situations and inability to maintain eye contact. Candace and Orlando agree with this assessment. Apparently she was never diagnosed because her younger brother Brad, 35M, had high-maintenance ADHD that required a lot of their parents' attention when they were younger, so Susan didn't get as much attention. I'd met Susan once at a large family function before our wedding and she was very nice, but I didn't get a chance to know her better because there were so many people. Brad is super nice as well, and I've gotten to know him better because he and his wife live closer to us. Brad also thinks that Susan might have autism.

Anyway, when Larry and I were doing seat arrangements for our wedding, we ended up with several tables that only had two spots available, so we had to split up larger parties. We put Brad and his wife at a table with other cousins their age, as Larry thought Brad would get along with everyone better. We put Susan and Gabriel at a table with older relatives, as Larry thought Susan would be more comfortable there.

Throughout the reception, Brad and his wife had a great time socializing, whereas Susan didn't. Every time she'd try to go socialize with them, the other cousins would be polite but would talk around her about things that didn't include her, so she felt left out. Susan and Gabriel eventually just left the reception halfway through the evening, but no one noticed her absence for several hours. It wasn't until we were doing final photos at the end of the evening that someone thought to look for Susan, couldn't find her, and then texted her to ask her where she'd gone. She simply said that she and Gabriel had left earlier. Everyone got upset that she didn't tell anyone she'd left, and Larry was mad that she ruined our final photos by disappearing.

Here's where I might be TA: I texted Susan that it was no wonder everyone thought she had autism when she acted like this. She responded by blocking everyone's phone numbers and has been off the grid since then. Now Brad is saying that I'm TA for 'outing' our opinions of her when we could've just kept it quiet, but I was upset that Susan had caused such a fuss at my wedding. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Ok_Spray_890 on 2024-01-21 22:19:15+00:00.

So i’m auditioning for Serena Katz from the musical Fame tomorrow afternoon. I got a message last night from another girl who is auditioning for a different role. She asks if I know the lines and song for the audition. I say that I don’t even though I do. See, she was asking for her friend who didn’t receive the audition paper. I don’t want her to know the audition by tomorrow because this company goes by favouritism not talent. Not to toot my own horn but I’m going up against very untalented people here and I didn’t have any competition until this girl (i’ll call her jenny) decides that she wants the same roll. Jenny has been a lead role before and wasn’t all that good. I’ve gone for leads before and been told I didn’t ‘look right’ I know I’m not the best looking girl in the world but it’s a bit harsh. Anyway this role is perfect for me and I can play her. Anyway, Jenny messaged me about 5 minutes ago asking for help. I’ve ignored the messages… should I reply and be a good person or should I not and do something for myself for once (I’m a people pleaser so this is hard). I really need help because I want this role but also feel like I’m being an asshole. UPDATE: I’m going to message her the lines that she needs. I don’t believe that I’m necessarily better than others I’m only going of what’s been said my people close to me. It’s only fair that she gets a chance and I know the process is rigged and I just need to give it all I have and hope for the best. UPDATE: I told her, we all good

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/lolllz196 on 2024-01-21 22:58:07+00:00.

My(13f) first memories are my parents arguing because my mom drinks too much and my dad has a short temper. My mom(35f)when she went out the evenings always came back hours later from the time she originally said and reeked of alcohol, couldn't speak normally or walk straight. My dad usually leaves for a while when this happens and I only see him on the weekends. A few months ago it happened again but we came close to having a funeral for my mom and a jail sentence for my dad. He left and I saw him only during the weekends. He came back and my mom claims she's going to therapy but it's all bullshit since there are always bottles of beer hidden everywhere. Today (Sunday) we went to my grandma (dad's side) for lunch and when we came back home my mom went out for chores and was supposed to be back home for 7:15pm. She came back at 8:40. The texts I sent her weren't delivering and the calls brought me to voicemail. I panicked the whole time fearing what could've happened. She came back, reeked of alcohol but at least could talk and walk normally. I then started arguing with her, telling her I was ashamed of her, I hated her and she makes me worry like crazy and things like that. I told her that I'd leave with dad and I ignored her, rolling my eyes and scooting away when she approces me(everytime she's drunk she either yells at me or searches for me like a lost puppy). I really can't deal with her anymore, the empty promises and all. So, Aita?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/LividPen8067 on 2024-01-21 22:32:44+00:00.

Ok so we were having a family gathering today and eventually everybody just started talking about the fun things they have done like concerts or camping or just fun events and I’ve never got to anything like that my parents never gave me the chance I’m almost 18 and I don’t have 1 good memory from my childhood like that and they were sitting there just talking about it and idk I felt mad that was the most pissed I’ve been in a long time and I ended up kind of ruining everyone’s day because I was a dick after they got done yapping but yea am I the asshole for this?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Throwaway62804419 on 2024-01-21 21:35:00+00:00.

I (28M) spent last night at the apartment of my girlfriend of three months (24F); we usually hang out in my place but this weekend her roommates were out of town and she had the place all to herself.

This morning she treated me to breakfast, which was a nice gesture, but that included sunny side eggs with runny yolk, and I always had a thing with runny yolks. I told her that, and she looked upset. She said I could have told her while she was making the eggs. I said I was sorry, I forgot. She was acting like I was just being a picky eater and not appreciative of her gesture.

Honestly her reaction freaked me out a bit because it seemed so over the top. But I’m still feeling bad about it and wondering if AITA here for refusing it.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Firm-Guitar6116 on 2024-01-21 20:39:59+00:00.

Howdy, fellow Redditors! I've (F32) got a daycare tale that's got me mulling over whether I might be in the wrong here. I'm a momma to a precious 16-month-old, and he's got some adorable mixed-race features. My husband is from an Asian country, and our little baby has a beautiful slightly tanned skin and amazing Asian features with some really big eyes. Now, few days ago, I found myself in a bit of a situation with an old gamma of another kid – let's call her Granny Gossip (GG) – and I need your opinions on this one.

GG has made a few comments before about how "exotic" and "beautiful" my baby is. I don’t mind those comments because he is really cute, and by now, I’m used to hearing those. I often just agree and move on with whatever I’m doing. But lately, she is starting to feel a bit much.

The issue started last week. I'm picking up my little one when GG strikes up a friendly chat… fine so far. The teacher comes and puts my son on the floor so he can walk towards me. Suddenly, GG gets in front of me and makes signals for my baby to go to her. I was shocked at first, but I gently pushed her a bit aside and picked up my kid. She appeared to be annoyed, but I shut down any attempts of complaint by cordially, but firmly, stating that I was the mother and she has no business doing what she just did.

Fast forward to this week, and guess what? GG is at it again, making comments about my baby's looks, but after last week’s incident, I didn’t entertain her at all. When my kid comes, anyone would have thought that she got the message, but it seems like she missed the memo. This time, I wasn't as polite – I walked right up to her, and I admit that I said some choice words, along with a clear message that my son has nothing to do with her. She's not the mother nor the grandma, and she has absolutely no business trying to attract the attention of my kid like that, even more in front of me.

Some might say I'm being oversensitive, but I reckon it's my right as a momma to set some boundaries. My husband is with me, but he thinks that I could have handled things better. Also, I have seen other parents giving me a judgmental look. So, AITA for telling GG to back off and let my baby arc himself towards his momma, not towards her?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Vivid-Arachnid2370 on 2024-01-21 20:06:06+00:00.

I WFH and my spouse stays home as well to take care of our 3 kids (2 toddlers and 1 infant). Every day when I come downstairs from work the house is a mess. Toys are scattered everywhere downstairs (living room, kitchen, entryway), food is caked onto the kitchen floor and the high chair from the infant, and dishes are left out with food hardening on them.

In addition, things just start to pile up around the house over time from never being put away. Clothes are tossed on or at the base of the stairs until they are a huge pile, things that have been taken out are just left on the tables or countertops until those are piled up as well. Some of this stuff is kid items but some are also my spouse's items that are used and never put away. Our bedroom has food and trash everywhere and every night our bed has crumbs all over because our kids wake up (8-9 AM) and my spouse sends them downstairs to get food to eat in bed with them so my spouse can sleep more.

Every few months we have people over for some reason or another and there is always a fight leading up to it because of the mess. It takes us multiple days of cleaning for hours a day to get the house in a state where we can have guests over. I get extremely frustrated because the bulk of our cleaning comes from cleaning up the accrued daily mess that happens while I am working. We clean up for multiple days to have people over and within a week the house is back to where it looks like we never cleaned at all.

I understand that being a stay at home spouse and caring for kids is a job in it's own right but I feel like part of that includes picking up after the kids so we aren't left with this giant mess constantly. If things were picked up throughout the day then we wouldn't have such a large list of things to do once the kids are in bed. I also feel that if you take something out to use, you put it away when you are done instead of leaving it on the counter.

I'm not expecting my spouse to do things like clean the bathrooms or do all the dishes daily, just pick up after themselves and the kids during the day as they go. Am I the asshole for expecting this out of my spouse?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Mountain-Advice6118 on 2024-01-21 20:02:18+00:00.

I (45F) have a daughter (17F) who just went on a first date with a boy at her school, let's call him Sam. I'm concerned about the validity of this relationship because high school relationships rarely last. They are practice for the future. I wanted to properly set expectations so she's not disappointed when he inevitably breaks up with her for someone better, prettier, older, etc. Unlike my son, who is 15, my daughter doesn't put much effort into her appearance, she doesn't care about makeup and clothes and wants to wear the same rags to school every day. After her date she came home overly excited and all she could talk about was Sam. I told her that quite frankly I'm surprised this he wanted to go out with her and I question his motives. She asked me why I would say that and I was honest with her, most boys at her age are immature and aren't really looking for anything long term, they just want to take advantage or are going through a phase or are answering a "dare" from a friend to date the nerd, etc.

She blew up at me after that and accused me of calling her a nerd and saying that I think she's ugly and not worthy of a boyfriend. I told her that's nonsense, that's not what I meant. I said I'm just trying to set expectations, not to expect much at her age, I don't want her to be disappointed and come crying to me about how this boy broke up with her. And then I told her I don't think she is ugly but she could put some more effort into her appearance if she wants to keep boys in general, this will help her in her life beyond high school. I said look at her brother, he keeps up with trends, grooms himself well, and I think he's well on the road to success. She can't get by with just wearing sweatshirts and jackets all the time with that one pair of torn-up jeans. She accused me of trying to control her and I said I was only looking after her and trying to set her up for success. I said there will always be girls who are prettier, more attractive, and eventually younger, and boys and men have their pick. if she wants to be considered, she has to put in the work. Otherwise get left behind. That is what happened to me, my ex left me when my kids were too young to remember.

She said he was happy on the date and seemed like he really liked her. I said that's how it always is now but eventually he's going to get tired of her. I've seen the girls at their school when I pick my kids up every day and my daughter has a lot of work to make herself more presentable. I then said if I were a boy, I would not pick her based on the way she was dressed unless I was dared to do so.

She accused me of trying to ruin her life, ruin her happiness, etc. I said that's not true I'm trying to prevent what happened to me from happening to her, but she wouldn't listen and now she's not talking to me. I wish my mother would have told me this. It's tough love. AITA? Was I too harsh? Her brother thinks so and so does my friend but I want more opinions.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/throwawayyy193736 on 2024-01-21 19:59:05+00:00.

So I am not from the US, so if the grammar is incorrect, I am sorry. Also I have no idea how the system regarding preschool works in the US, so sorry if it is hard to understand.

I gave birth to my son this August. In my country you get about 1,5 years worth of days you can take out to be on parental leave, most people save some of these days so they can stay home occasionally with their child as they get older. I am planning on taking all of these days and stay home until my son is at least 4. Of course a lot of planning has gone into this, I know we can’t eat the most extravagant food, buy the newest clothes or take expensive trips. But to me, staying home and taking care of my son is worth it. Even though I am planning on having him home for this long, I know how important it is for a child’s development to be around other kids and people in general. So every Saturday I take him to an open preschool, don’t know if it exists in the US but basically, everyone is welcome there with their child for a few hours, they play, we eat and do stuff together. There is a mother there who had her daughter last April. She expressed to me and some other parents how sad and upset she was about having to go back to work so soon and that she was stressed about leaving her daughter at preschool. She said that she wishes that she could be able to stay home as long as I planned, I said that it was possible. She told me that for them it wasn’t. I called bullshit on that, she obviously gets her hair colored, has makeup, trendy clothes and stuff like that. I told her that if she just budgeted and not spend that much on herself, of course she could stay home. She once again said that even if she did, they could not afford to stay home any longer. I know she has a husband, so it has nothing to do with that. I scoffed and said that “life is what you makes it out to be”. She seemed extremely upset over this. Later one of the people who organizes this asked to talk to me, she explained that they value kindness and respect here, and that if I continue to make this a hostile place then I would get another warning before being banned.

Was I really an ass for just telling her the truth even though it may have been a little hard? I feel like it was kind off childish of her to run off and tell on me.