Am I the Asshole?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Hot-Original-5661 on 2024-01-23 23:57:15+00:00.

So, to preface her and I were good friends or so I thought.

One evening my bf (now husband) and I went over to his brothers and his wife’s house for dinner. She (his brothers wife) asked us if we had picked a date for our wedding so we told her the day and that we had just gotten a venue. Instead of being excited she says that she has her own stuff going on that weekend (her college graduation MIGHT be that day) We weren’t engaged yet so why did we get a venue.

Edit: we ordered a ring we just didn’t have it yet so we weren’t technically engaged

The venue was cheap and popular so we wanted to get it.

It was an extra $500 to change it to the next day so I sent a text saying they can go right ahead and pay the extra if it’s going to be such a big deal.

I didn’t hear anything back and it caused a little bit of contention in his family because it was change the day or his brother wouldn’t be our wedding. We tried reaching out to them to come up with ideas to make it work and they ignored us. So, we just decided to change it to a few weeks later.

Backstory: we are going on a family trip where parents are paying and sharing a suite with his brother and his wife. I said we wanted the master room. She told me it was funny I thought I could get it.

I had my bf call his brother and say that we’ll change the day if we can get the master room on the trip. She then proceeded to say “she’s being so bitchy. I want everyone in the family to know how much of a bitch she is.”

We then ended up deciding to just “elope” so it didn’t matter when the big wedding would be. Our immediate family was invited but I said I didn’t want her to come because of what she had said about me while trying to change our wedding day for her.

Edit: I sent her an apology for things that I said and hurt feelings and said that she could be at the wedding if she wanted.

So, AITA?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/gh05t_ur1n3 on 2024-01-23 23:27:05+00:00.

This is an older story my sister just brought up with me and made me out to "Still be an asshole about it" so I wanted to make this post because I was curious what other people think.

it was shortly after Christmas, my grandmother got everyone stockings full of giftcards and clothes etc, grandma gifts you know? so I got a Mcdonalds gift cards, and one day I was really hungry so I ordered some, my sister lives with me, she has 2 kids, a 12 year old who is in my moms care who comes and visits and a 9 year old who lives with me.

when my mcdonads arrived my sister was so mad at me, complaining that I didn't get any for my nephews or her and that they didn't get Mcdonalds gift cards so it wasn't fair to them and I could have waited until school and got it at school or at my moms house.

so am I the asshole for getting Mcdonalds?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ThrowRA_lwsister on 2024-01-23 23:12:31+00:00.

I am in a relationship with my boyfriend whose former life partner (wife) died few years ago. Recently he introduced me to his family, including the late wife’s family.

Her sister seemed very hostile to me. To some extent I empathised with her grief, but she did not seem interested in talking to me and seemed very stiff.

My boyfriend and I were having a dinner party and everyone was there, including the sister. We were talking about our meet cute and some silly yet sweet experiences we have shared as a couple.

I went to the kitchen to get some water when I saw her come in. She told me that no matter what, I would never be able to replace her sister. I told her I don’t intend to, I have my own place in his life and I don’t feel threatened by her sister’s memory at all. She is a part of his life story and an important one at that. I hope as a future life partner I am able to be his rock.

I do not know what happened but she got very upset. She told me that the only reason I am his girlfriend is because his real love died. I took offence to this statement and felt that she was trying to “put me in my place”

I told her that although I understood she was still grieving, what she said was very disrespectful and in poor taste. I told her that I find it extremely surprising she thinks that’s an acceptable thing to say to someone who’s dating a widowed person. I corrected her that two people do not get together because an ex partner dumped them or passed on, but because they truly love each other and feel that connection.

My boyfriend didn’t suddenly have the hots for me specifically because she died. He grieved himself, put himself back together, decided he wanted a life partner and sought me out.

And we, certainly are dating for the right reasons, not because we are seeking only companionship.

After that she started sobbing uncontrollably and I felt bad. I was simply trying to put boundaries by asserting my value, I didn’t want to hurt her

AITA?

ETA: Some of you rightly pointed out about therapy. I am actually over 50, and have been a therapist for over 20 years now. I actually think I have an annoying habit of “analysing” people the moment I sense they are feeling off and I naturally know how to articulate my feelings.

Thanks for being kind to me. Yea, I corrected husband to boyfriend because we’ve been together for quite some time now and since we are a tad old people assume we are married haha

ETA 2: No idea why someone would send me reddit care resources.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Exotic-Risk6095 on 2024-01-23 22:45:18+00:00.

My daughter, Alice, has two children, one is with her current partner, Liam. He has three children from a previous relationship.

To celebrate my youngest child’s 21st birthday, I was planning a surprise holiday for us all to Disneyland. I found a great flight deal and was keen to get it booked. Prior to booking the holiday I spoke to Liam on the phone I told him my plan and asked him about his three children from the previous relationship coming. It was decided he’d speak to their mother, who is a very difficult character, to ask her permission. I booked the flight deal for 5, resigned to the fact that the flight cost would increase for the remaining 4 flights.

The flights are over the Easter holiday, and Liams Ex has said the children cannot come. She wants to do an egg hunt with them. Liam wants to move the holiday to suit his ex. The dates suit my daughter whose 21st Birthday we are celebrating, and of course the cheap flight deal is a factor also.

This has all backfired onto me because Liam is disappointed they can’t go, he says the other two shouldn’t go. He claims I am not treating the family the same, and has completely overlooked the conversation I had with him before booking, and the subsequent messages I have sent regarding an update on the booking.

What should have been a lovely surprise for everyone has been ruined by Liams fury at his ex partner.

So am I the asshole for booking the deal flights for my children and grandchildren and not waiting for response from his ex about their three children?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Wizgod007 on 2024-01-23 20:25:48+00:00.

I (54M) and my wife (44F) have a 4 bedroom home - 3 on the second floor and one in the basement. On the second floor our 9 year old sleeps in the master bedroom with us in her own twin bed. My wife's parents are in one bedroom while my 19 year old is in the other room.

My 9 year old has been telling us that she want's her own room for some time now but upgrading to a new house with more bedrooms is not an option with the finances and current house price and housing prices in general.

The bedroom in the basement is my home office (I'm an applications developer) which also has access to the boiler/furnace room. The furnace room contains all network hardware as well as 3 servers. The space in the room is completely taken up by 2 additional servers, 2 development machines and 8 monitors, filing cabinets, and accessories (printer, etc.). The basement is the only area that is wired in the house with CAT6 network cable. This information is just to show that I cannot move the office anywhere else in the house.

My wife just told me that we will give the master bedroom to my 9 year old and that we would go sleep in the basement since we only need it to sleep - most likely on a mattress on the floor. The king bed in the master bedroom has a mattress specifically for my back issues so sleeping in the basement will require me to get another mattress. I told her that wasn't an option and that a 9 year old shouldn't have a master bedroom all to herself.

The basement contains two other larger areas that are used for the pool room/collectibles and a theatre room. The pool room is small - not even big enough to shoot from the sides (have to use the short TroubleShooter cue) and the theatre room is rectangular but not very wide. If I were to create a hallway from the stairs to the office to try to turn either into another bedroom, there wouldn't be enough useable space to be used as a bedroom.

I can't move the in-laws into their own place not just because of finances but culturally it's not an option.

Anyways, I told my wife no way that was going to happen and she told me I was being stubborn.

I look forward to suggestions for solutions but AITA?

Edit: I should note that we know the daughter needs her privacy and being in the same room is not the best and we have been trying to come up with solutions. One of the problems for making a room in the basement is that she is afraid of being alone downstairs and is not willing to do so.

Edit 2: The issue is not that I am not willing to give up the pool/theatre rooms for my daughter, I am, and I have suggested it to my wife. The problem there is neither wants to move downstairs.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/burner-2833 on 2024-01-23 20:11:31+00:00.

My dad’s coworker was over because my dad was getting him some work papers for him or whatever. Whilst my dad was looking for the papers his coworker was flirting with me (18F) even though he’s like really old. I was mainly just ignoring him and telling him that i’m literally not interested but he just didn’t stop.

I got pissed off when he asked me for my number and I told him that I’m not interested and i’m never going to be interested because he’s literally old and I asked him if it even worked because why would I have sex with a guy when he probably can’t even get it up?

He got really annoyed and stormed out and called me a bitch. My dad said I should’ve just politely declined and that I was too harsh on him because he’s like recently divorced. But I don’t know he embarrassed himself already by thinking he had a chance with me I just like put him in his place. I don’t get why my dad is defending him so much

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Financial-Swan-2722 on 2024-01-23 19:31:30+00:00.

I have three kids my oldest is 15 and it is about him. Originally I have given all of my kids an allowance for how old they are. For examples my 7 year old gets 7 dollars a week. Right now my oldest gets 15 dollars a week to use for whatever. I still pay for necessities but I will not be buying a new video game if it’s not their birthday or a holiday. Overall it’s been good.

My eldest is going to turn 16 in the summer. Today I informed him that he will be able to get a job soon and when he turns 16 I will be stopping his allowance.

This resulted in a huge argument and he thinks I am a huge jerk but my argument is that he can work and will make more money working once a day then the allowance.

Edit: I’m not in the USA, so the USA economy doenst apply. My area has a ton of jobs for kids, the school he goes at offers jobs

Him getting a job won’t be difficult.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/neighbormomadvice on 2024-01-23 19:04:12+00:00.

My across the street neighbor, Danielle, has 4 kids, 2 boys (12 and 10) and 2 girls (3 and 7). Their dad pops in and out of their lives, he shows up for a few months to a year then leaves for a year or two.

Danielle’s kids are cute and well behaved but she doesn’t take care of her own kids. Our other neighbors, Barbara and John (mid-late 70’s) watch the kids so much that the kids think they’re their grandparents.

I had a son a few months ago and Danielle has been offering unsolicited parenting advice since before he was born. I’ve tried telling her I don’t need any help and she said something about all new moms needing some help even if we don’t realize it. I finally told her I don’t need any advice from someone that doesn’t parent her own kids and if I need advice I’ll go to the neighbors since they seem to have the kids most of the time anyways. Now she’s got my mom (I live with her) and the neighbors saying I was rude, I don’t understand her situation, and she was just trying to help.

Am I the asshole for telling her I don’t need parenting advice from someone that doesn’t parent her own kids?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/TAwayGreyhound on 2024-01-23 19:02:39+00:00.

I know the title sounds goofy, and you may think I am the bad guy here. But I (24F) had a 6 month old male Greyhound pup that I named Goose. I had always wanted a greyhound and was excited. I was planning on visiting another state with a few girlfriends of mine, for only a week. I needed someone to watch Goose.

My sister May (32F) offered to watch him and I told her I would send her emergency money for Goose. For food, toys and whatever needs he need. She agreed and my niece (7F) loves Goose. So I though everything was great. I went on my travel with my girlfriends and it was lovely and great but on the last day May called to say that Goose ran off and she can’t find him. I was very devastated when I heard that. So I came home from my travel a bit more early to see if I can find Goose. But I couldn’t, I asked May how he got out.

She told me she just let him out, so he can stretch his legs. After 20 minutes she went to go get him. To see he wasn’t in her backyard. She panicked and that’s when she called me. For a while I was just depressed. All my friends try to cheer me up. It helped a little while but my best friend Cora found on Facebook, a picture of a small family with my dog Goose. It was one of my nieces friends. So I hurried on and contacted them, to tell them that was my missing dog Goose. If I can have him back.

They said no and that May said I didn’t want him. I begged and said he is under my name and chipped and I never said I didn’t want him. It was all false, I was at another state for vacation. May was suppose to watch him. Not give him away. I told them I would pay them however much just so I can have him back.

They just blocked me. I went over to May and when she opened the door. I freaked out at her demanding her to tell me why she gave away Goose. She said that wasn’t true, that he ran off. I told her to cut the crap and tell me truth after I showed her the pictures and messages. She told me she needed the money for my niece. That the money they needed was more important than a dumb dog. So I barged into her house and took her dog Dazey.

She yelled at me that I can’t take Dazey. I told her that since she gave my pup away, I can take hers. Since my mental health is more important than a dumb dog. I said she better get Goose back or I will take legal actions. I left with Dazey and now sitting at home wondering if AITA?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Hour-Temporary-2406 on 2024-01-23 18:04:23+00:00.

This involves me, my friends “Aya” and “Zach.” We are all early 30s and have been friends since high school.

Aya was born in China. She was abandoned as a baby and nearly died in an orphanage before being adopted and raised by an American family. Aya considers herself American and is firm that due to her traumatic experience with China, she has no desire to “be Chinese” or explore the language and culture.

Zach is also Chinese and the son of wealthy business owners. He is very proud of his culture.

Background: A few years ago at dinner, Zach took Aya’s fork and knife and told her she needed to eat with chopsticks. I immediately stopped him and made him give her silverware back, wondering wtf that was about.

Later, Aya told me Zach had decided she needed to be “more Chinese” and was pressuring her to engage with Chinese language/culture. Zach apologized, Aya let it go.

Current situation: Aya asked me and Zach to help plan her wedding. Zach suggested Aya wear a qipao, have red as a wedding color, no white dress, serve Chinese food, etc.

I pulled Zach aside and told him Aya has been very clear she does not want a Chinese wedding, stop forcing it. Please just follow what Aya wants. Chinese culture is lovely, but this is not the time or place.

Aya was grateful and thanked me for reining Zach in, because she was having a hard time confronting him. Bridal party and most friends agreed.

However, Zach and some others are upset, saying Zach has the right to express his culture and make suggestions, Zach feels lonely and there are not a lot of other Chinese people around, Aya IS Chinese so not a big deal.

Now, I’m not anti-Chinese. Zach and I actually met in Chinese class and enjoy doing Chinese cultural things together. I am from a different culture myself. I know it’s hard. When Zach marries, I will support him having a Chinese wedding.

But Aya has trauma around her Chinese roots and considers herself American. She DOES NOT WANT Chinese traditions. I support Aya in having an American wedding.

I refused to apologize, and Zach is more upset. I understand Zach loves his culture but I don’t think he has the right to push it at Aya’s wedding. AITA?

EDIT: Sorry folks, I think I was unclear about it. Aya and Zach are not getting married to each other. Aya is marrying an American and Zach and I are just helping to plan the wedding.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/AffectionateBake4034 on 2024-01-23 17:46:42+00:00.

To preface: Me (31F) and my husband (33M) had our daughter Mary (16F) at a very young age. She was an accident and it was very hard at first, but we managed to raise a wonderful young lady.

In middle school, Mary had a best friend Dan (16M). They were really close and since we’re neighbors, we encouraged them to hang out together.

However as they started high school, Dan started running with the wrong crowd. He befriended a kid who would sneak out, drink, engage in destructive activities. Together they started bullying Mary. Since then I have some sort of a slow beef with Dan’s mom (44F). We are on speaking terms, but things are somewhat rough between us. I personally consider her parenting style a little too lax, she thinks I'm being too strict.

It escalated when this kid pissed in Mary’s car’s gas tank. To say I was fuming was an understatement. I turned into a full-blown momzilla. I was ready to sue his whole family, luckily it didn’t happen since his mom was cooperative and compensated for the damage. I also told Dan’s mom that her kid’s friend destroyed my daughter’s property. No reaction.

Obviously, things escalated further. Dan and his friend committed a felony. To be honest, it was expected of his friend, but the fact that Dan was an accomplice shocked me deeply. He’s a gentle and kind guy and it was horrible that he fell under bad influence. Dan’s mom was shocked as well, but to be honest it was something that she could expect after finding out that her kid got under bad influence, doing nothing about it, buying him substances so he could share with his friends. We live in CO btw, but still weed isn't something I'd introduce my child to.

That was what I openly told her after she complained about “how come my precious baby commit a felony” and “how did you manage to make Mary avoid the sketchy stuff”. I told her that if she was slightly stricter with her parenting, she’d avoid Dan having legal troubles now. She told me that I’m being hypocritical since I did quite an amount of stupid stuff in my youth too. I did, and I’m not proud of it. But I’ve never touched substances and I’ve never committed a felony. I took the responsibility and accepted the consequences and managed to raise a decent human being who won’t repeat my mistakes.

I’m an insightful person and I’ve been thinking now whether it was worth it to drag the conflict for all this time and escalating it into an open confrontation.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Beneficial-Survey804 on 2024-01-23 16:31:54+00:00.

I do digital portraits, mostly as a hobby, but I have gotten a few commissions here and there. A while ago, my boyfriend and I were hanging out with mutual friends and my boyfriend suggested in front of everyone that I do a portrait as a gift for someone's upcoming birthday. While it was a little annoying to be volunteered by him, I did think it was a good gift idea and went ahead and did it. The next time a birthday in the group came up, my bf made the same suggestion and as a result "the birthday portrait" has kind of become my thing. My boyfriend will get something small as his gift since he views the portrait as being "from us."

The part where I may be the asshole here is that I haven't told him explicitly to stop volunteering me for these portraits. It is my fault for going along with the birthday gift thing for our friends without saying anything, but I kind of assumed that he would at least keep these requests within the realm of common sense.

Well...his college buddy is getting married, and my boyfriend told him that I would make him a portrait of him and his bride as a wedding gift. I have never even met this person! To make matters worse, he apparently made this promise weeks ago but only told me about it today, and the wedding is this Saturday. I finally lost it at him and told him that I'm not his personal portrait sweatshop, and that he only does this because he's a cheapskate and it gets him out of spending any money on a gift, even though it costs me a lot of time.

He argued back that a bespoke portrait is so much better than just buying something off the resume, that it's a generous thing for me to do, it helps build my portfolio, and that I don't get very many paid commissions anyway. For the record—I don't get many paid commissions because I don't charge peanuts for them. I have a full time job, so I price according to what would be worth giving up the amount of free time that it takes me.

He told me that I put him in a really difficult position, that he hyped up the portrait, and they were both really looking forward to it. He said please just do this one and I won't ask again. I said no, I don't even know these people, this is so not my problem.

He looked up a couple of portrait artists online, but none of them were willing to do the piece on the short turnaround he needed + at the quality he wanted + at the price he was willing to pay. He even tried using an AI image generator—which was a complete slap in the face to me as an artist—but all of the outputs were very obviously AI. He's begging me to please just do this one and he will make it up to me on my birthday, but (especially after he apparently thought my work was so worthless that it could be effortlessly reproduced by a machine), I'm just really not in the mood.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Nervous-Finish-7464 on 2024-01-23 15:22:52+00:00.

My two girls do not get along, it has to deal with some jealously issues my oldest daughter has towards her younger sister. This has been a issue since they have been in the same middle school. My oldest is in 8th grade and my youngest is in 6th grade.

The issue started when my youngest started doing better in school. She would come home with straight As. My oldest is good academically also but she is usually a B student and getting an A is a big deal for her. That came to a head when my oldest started telling the youngest she didn’t deserve her grade. We put her in counseling after that.

Overall the relationship has not been getting better. The main issue at the moment is my oldest calling her sister shallow for the things she likes and keeps commenting she is popular mean girl ( we looked into this, she hasn’t done anything wrong)

My youngest birthday is coming up and she want to do to the indoor water park with a few of her friends. We do parties for both girls so this was fine. She asked if she could have this without her sister since her attitude would ruin her day.

I talked it over with my spouse and we agreed that I would go and watch the kids and he would stay home with the oldest.

Everyone is happy but my oldest, she thinks we are major jerks for not allowing her to go even after we explained why multiple time.

Edit: bolded a sentence

If you have a question probably already answer in one of my comments

Another edit: if I have already answered a question in my comments and it’s asked again I’m not being polite in my response

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/yayydunno on 2024-01-23 14:44:38+00:00.

I (F 36) have been dating my boyfriend (40) for about a year and a half. A few months ago my mother asked me on a phone call if “we were serious” and planning to get engaged. I responded yes as this is something he and I have discussed and both want. She immediately responded, “that’s great!” Followed with “don’t expect your father and I to pay for anything for the wedding!” Bc she said “we’re too old.” (This will be important later). This was completely unprompted as I had never asked. To this I responded that he and I don’t really want a wedding and we’re not sure what we’ll do after engagement and when it comes time to plan. Her response was that “I better not elope again” and “she expects” “a nice wedding of some kind regardless of the size.” For context: I eloped with my first husband and she was embarrassed and devastated (her words). We ended the phone call by me saying she can’t have expectations if she’s not willing to contribute and that I wasn’t even engaged yet and we’ll talk about it later. My boyfriend and I don’t make a ton of money and probably cannot afford even a small ceremony and wedding dinner for even ten people if we’re being honest. We’re fine. But we don’t have $4K laying around and let’s be honest even with a tiny wedding you’re looking at that amount. Anyways, fast forward a few months and my TWIN (so same age) brother gets engaged. We’re all very excited for him. Last night my mother and I were discussing his plans (as I was trying to get the scoop and my brothers kinda tight lipped about things). She lets it slip on our phone call that they’re planning a large wedding and my parents are footing half the bill, splitting it with the brides parents. I reminded her of our conversation and she immediately called me a jealous brat and ended the phone call. Am I the asshole for being upset?

For clarity: my issue is that she’s (my mother) is insisting on a nice wedding of some kind. Insisting with no financial backing. The salt in the wound was to find out she’s paying for half my brothers and won’t admit this is not about “age” as she’d previously said with no explanation just further demands that if I do get married there will be a wedding paid out of my pocket

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Pinch_Of_Ginger on 2024-01-23 14:34:51+00:00.

I (29f) have been growing my hair out since before the pandemic and managed to grow it out to halfway down my butt. I've never dyed my hair and I rarely style or blow-dry it so it's very healthy. My natural color is a very uncommon red, I've been told my whole life that it's almost impossible to recreate. It's not an uncommon thing for people to tell me they want my hair.

2 weeks ago I finally decided I wanted to cut it short and donate it to Angel Hair For Kids, a company that makes wigs for children fighting cancer and other illnesses. I told my dad I was doing this and when I was doing it and he thought it was a great idea. I ended up cutting off 16 inches and have honestly never felt more like myself with my new haircut. I feel like I finally recognize myself again and for the first time in years feel good about myself.

Cut to that same night. I had sent my dad a picture of my chopped off hair at the salon followed by the haircut pics. About an hour later I received a text from my stepmother (71f) who we'll call Jane. She asked if I would consider giving her the hair so she could have it sent out to make a wig for herself.

Jane and I have had a very rocky relationship in the past. For 2 years in high school I didn't speak to her or my dad because of an issue that she had caused and never apologized for. We've since moved on and have a better relationship now. She has dealt with major health issues as long as I've known her and within the past 2 years has lost nearly all of her hair. She recently bought 2-3 wigs that look amazing on her. Every time we discussed the wigs she would joke that I should give her my hair since I had so much of it. Well it turns out that I misunderstood and she wasn't actually joking.

When Jane asked me for my hair I had already sent it away for donation, which I told her. She didn't say anything about it after that, just asked me for more picture of my haircut which I sent. In all honesty the idea of giving her my hair feels quite weird to me. I imagine showing up to Christmas to see her wearing my hair and it brings up weird emotions about my previous relationship with her when I was younger and she was more controlling.

When I saw my dad the following Monday he almost immediately brought up the fact that I had "donated it elsewhere" instead of giving it to Jane. I asked if she was upset about it and my dad told me that she was, and that he was also disappointed that I didn't think of her first. It's caused some tension between us and has made me uncomfortable, but it's also really put a damper on the whole experience of doing something good and finally feeling good about myself. I feel like I've done something wrong and selfish now.

TLDR; I donated my hair to a children's cancer foundation instead of giving it to my stepmother who is dealing with hair loss and now she and my dad are disappointed in me.

AITA here?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Every_Classroom_446 on 2024-01-23 14:18:26+00:00.

I have an allergy to peanuts, when I was a lot younger my parents basically put me through exposure training to help it. It sucked a lot but now my reaction to my allergy is extremely mild now. I basically will get a rash around my lips and that is it. So now it isn’t a big deal if I accidentally eat something and the chances of me having a major reaction are so low that it might as well be when pigs fly.

We have a new friend to our friend group I’ll call her Laura. I told her I can not have peanuts and she told me about the time she saw an allergic reaction and how terrifying it was. I thought that was the end of it, but every single time I have been out with Laura she has brought up my allergy. Telling me if I am sure I can eat that. Vetoing places to eat since they serve peanuts. I have talked to her before, it has caused tension in the group and me explaining over and over again that my reaction is very mild and I can eat places just fine.

Ever single time she acts like she knows my allergy better and that if I keep eating it on accident it will get worse. I’ve explained a million times that isn’t always the case and I literally did the opposite in peanut exposures. Nothing has gotten through to her. Everyone’s allergies are different.

I was hanging out with the group and we wanted burgers and suggested 5 guys. The store has peanuts in it. Laura blew up telling my other firmed they are horrible for trying to get me to have an allergic reaction.

I had enough and told her to stop micromanaging my allergy, that she needs to stop pushing her trauma on me. That I am going to 5 guys and the group left without her.

Some on my friends thing she is crazy while others think I am being an asshole because she seems to care about me

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/mysterious_flea on 2024-01-23 12:38:38+00:00.

My (20m) girlfriend (19f) have hit an obstacle regarding 2 upcoming events next week Wednesday. On Wednesday I have a concert which I bought tickets for during December last year, around then i also told my girlfriend that I would be attending this event and that I am very excited for it. However, a week ago, we were at an event and my gf saw a reminder of my phone for the upcoming concert and she said that she had a performance showcase coming up (she does the performing arts) and turns out that it is taking place on the exact same Wednesday night next week. i was made aware of the showcase in question at the beginning of this year, however the specific date was never really mentioned until the notif. my concert goes from 8pm-12am and her showcase has 2 events with the times ranging from 8-9pm and 9-10pm

i asked yesterday what was going on next wednesday for clarification. she asked if i would be able to ditch my concert to attend her showcase which i outright refused since i thought it was unfair for me to flake on an event which i had booked prior to finding out about her showcase. then she asked if i would be able to at least come late to the concert to attend the 8-9pm event so i can at least see her performing on stage, which i refused. she got upset about it and compared it to an infant child in school performing and being sad because they can't see their parents in the crowd and how i was the mean parent not being there for their child. at the event im going to partake in recreational drugs which is preventing me from driving; IF i had my car it would be alot easier to drive to the venue after her showcase which wouldve made it viable

now she is claiming that i am ditching her to do drugs and that if i really supported her i would at least try to compromise by coming to this concert a few hours later. to be clear; i understand just how important performing arts is to my girlfriend and i am extremely supportive of all of her endeavours and love her very dearly HOWEVER I have been looking forward to this concert for a very long time and transportation arrangements have already been made; everything would be knocked out of wack and i would be very stressed attempting to get to the venue in time. so now i feel like im at an ultimatum; choose my gf or this concert

my girlfriend is extremely upset and i feel terrible because i wont be able to support her on her big night. she insists that this is a once-in-a-lifetime experience and that my concert would always be available next year and the year after that etc. i think that we are both at fault for communication issues; i should've asked for the date of her showcase much earlier and she should've told me much earlier to keep the day free

i feel terrible for not being able to support my girlfriend on her special day but at the same time its not my fault that she made me aware of this showcase until recently

AITA for not compromising my concert plans to attend my girlfriend's showcase?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ThrowRAcringe123 on 2024-01-23 22:01:17+00:00.

My sister knows her husband has a crush on me, it's been going on for years, and I went no contact for a few years in the past, partly due to this. She's aware he's obsessed with me and is fine with it.

I'm cordial with him and keep him at arm's length.

A couple of months ago I shared with family I'll be divorcing my husband. He started giving me and my kids gifts and vacation plans valued in thousands of dollars, that my sister is aware and approved. A couple of months later, he sent me private texts, expressing his love to me.

I asked him to stop texting me and stick to the family chat for communication.

Will I be the asshole if I showed my sister the texts?

She's happy in her marriage and he's a good husband to her (as far as I know). I'm worried that since she already knows everything and is deciding to rug sweep it all, the texts will only cause drama, and create a rift between us.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/HauntingProgress8589 on 2024-01-23 21:58:56+00:00.

Can't cross post so I'll just paste sth I posted at the roomie group. Disclaimer: 1) I'm not an insane radical man-hater. 2) English is not my native language. 3) The legal service is free provided by my college.

Me and my friend (22/21f) are college students living off campus and being financially supported by our parents. We had a roommate (30+f) for the past 5-6 months. We had a 3 bed 2 bath apartment, and the utilities are charged per unit (meaning for the three of us together) to one account. Basically it works like this: I own the utility account and the company charges my card every month, and I personally divide the bills with the two other roommates after receiving the bill.

Now the 30f roommate moved out around Christmas without paying me the December bills AND still owes about 1/5 of her November portions. She and us had quarrels about utility usage all the time and acted as if the two of us were bullying her just because we knew each other before.

During the time being roommates we tried to be as nice as possible to her, letting her husband stay here overnight for TWICE even I hated the fact of a man appearing in my residence (I honestly had a slight breakdown when I was triggered by his first unnotified appearance), I saved a piece of my birthday cake for her, we put her dishes together with ours into the dishwasher using OUR detergent, etc. What she did as a grown-up working adult almost 10 yrs older than us was giving us hard times on the room temperature (she literally "turned us in" to the leasing office, causing the office to send us harsh emails about the A/C temperature in our apartment??), and kept talking about her plans on savings and limited budget when we ask her to get a hotel room with her husband or pay the utility on time.

I sent her messages about the December bills at the beginning of this month but she just plays dead. I can't imagine people would stall on $70 electricity bills after living half a year in a $1200/m apartment.

$70 is not huge but it's also not small for me, and I feel worse because it's my parents' money. It has been haunting me for a while. I texted her several times without getting any replies, and I don't really want to confront her over the phone cuz English is my second language and you just think slower when you're fighting someone not using your mother tongue. I am thinking about going to student legal service and asking one of the lawyers to call her for me. WIBTA if I do so?

And FYI only because I was attacked on the "triggered breakdown" in my last post: 1) By "breakdown" I meant asking "Is he gonna spend the night here", closing my doors quietly after they leave, and having a silent panic attack in my room. 2) We discussed the house rules with her when she moved in, and she agreed to not have male guests without prior notice, and no sleepovers. For both times her husband came, she didn't even bother to let us know. We just came home from school and found a random guy in our kitchen.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/not_j17 on 2024-01-23 21:53:25+00:00.

TL;DR: I spread part of my grandpas ashes at my family’s plot after his wife cremated him behind our family’s back.

I (f19) grew up very close to my grandfather. his daughter, my mom, raised me and my siblings as a single mother and Grandpa was a big help throughout my childhood. Him and our family have always decided that he would be buried in our family plot (where my late grandmother and great grandparents are).

After my grandmother passed away, Grandpa remarried to “Doris”. Doris is nice and all but she hadn’t made much of an effort to connect with my side of the family. She’s made some slightly insensitive comments about my late grandmother at family gatherings. I’ve always blamed it on her being a little tipsy or something. Other than that she’s pleasant, and always welcome to family gatherings and holidays.

My grandfather died in the hospital after a 4 day coma and my family was devastated. Doris was bedside for his last days and handled most of the paperwork. However, she decided to have him cremated without consulting my mother or anyone from our side of the family. In fact, she lied about having Grandpa cremated, and compromised with my mom to have him buried in a local cemetery so she could be close to him.

We only found out that he hadn’t been buried when Doris showed up to our home WITH HIS ASHES in a grey urn. She said it was a last minute decision and that she couldn’t imagine a life without him and now he can stay in the house etc. etc…

While she and my mom were arguing and calling family members, i took a portion of his ashes, drove to our cemetery and spread them at our family plot. I didn’t think anyone would notice but i guess i hadn’t closed the urn properly and i confessed to what i did when Doris confronted me. I told her it was a “last minute decision”. She’s furious and insists that she’s never speaking to our family again. No one else in the family knows and I don’t think Dorris is going to reach out to them, and my Mom is glad that at least some of him is in our state but wishes I could’ve done that with her permission/knowledge. I definitely could’ve handled that better but AITA?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/mazzyyyyystar on 2024-01-23 21:49:38+00:00.

I've (F17) met my biological parents not too long ago, Dawn (F33) and Lennon (M34). It was insane how quickly I felt like I slotted right between them, and how much they dote on me. They've shown me the sort of care and affection I had been lacking with my adoptive parents.

My adoptive parents, June (F59) and Steven (M60) weren't too happy about the situation, when I asked about my bio-parents before, or asked them to help me look for them, they've always just said that it's for the best to just let it be.

I don't have too much of a good relationship with June and Steven, they were always a bit conservative with rules and they were distant to a point. It always felt weird to call them 'mum' and 'dad' but I did do it.

Lennon and Dawn both work creative jobs, Dawn's an art teacher and Lennon's an art illustrator which I thought was cool and led me to spend more time with them, as I did GCSE art and they helped me with that. I've even started spending nights over at their house, which I absolutely love, the decor of the place, and the fact that it's a cottage with chickens in the back. As well as going on days out with them, to get piercings or to museums or anything that seems remotely interesting. It's really brought me closer to them and it led to me seeing them as Mum and Dad, and calling them that.

I slipped up at dinner with my adoptive parents the other day though, and whilst talking about what we did on Saturday and I referred to Dawn and Lennon as mum and dad. It's really upset my adoptive parents, they said that they were the ones that had raised me for the last 17 years and not them. They said that Lennon and Dawn having me was irresponsible back then and that it was a good thing they were mature enough to choose adoption, but shouldn't be trying to force their way back in now.

I told them that I'm grateful for them raising me, but Dawn and Lennon are also my parents, just because they weren't ready doesn't diminish any connection we have right now.

I have been feeling bad about it recently though, as it has upset June.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/LegitimateMenu843 on 2024-01-23 21:47:29+00:00.

I (28F) work in an office setting. We recently had a new group of hires including one boy, Jeff (M25). Jeff and I went to the same college. While in college Jeff cheated on a friend of mine Sara (F28). Sara was absolutely devastated by this and it took her a long while to recover. Since then I’ve obviously had a huge grudge towards Jeff and cheaters in general.

So 6 months ago when Jeff started at the company I decided I’d avoid him at all costs. Well, he ended up being placed on a team that works alongside mine. We attend several meetings together and I communicate with his team often. I always see him being friendly and happy with people on his team as well as mine, which obviously rubs me the wrong way. He caused my friend so much pain and now I have to watch him smile and laugh!

Someone eventually asked why I always ignore/refuse to talk to Jeff, and I explained the story and laid out what he did to Sara. This coworker was taken aback and astounded and the information spread through the office quickly. Within a couple weeks a lot of people stopped talking to Jeff or hanging out with him, even if they didn’t stop working with him or cut him out completely like I did.

He definitely noticed and now he doesn’t seem as jovial or happy at work, but everything still gets done so there’s no real harm except to his ego. His boss talked to my boss, who talked to me and asked if I had been spreading rumors about Jeff. I explained what happened and my boss said she understood my feelings but that I was negatively impacting the workspace and after a back and forth I was asked to work from home for the next few weeks. Jeff however was not punished and did not receive any consequences.

I was outraged by this and was talking about it to my friend who told me that Jeff was a dick but I was also kind of a c*nt for what I did and that I should have just let it go. I can’t agree with her. So I’ll ask: AITA?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/FitImpress6726 on 2024-01-23 21:35:18+00:00.

Me (34) My wife Kay (32) met my sister Sarah (25) and her new boyfriend (we have never met him before) for an early dinner. Afterward, my wife and I went to listen to live music at a nightclub.

My wife wore a leather miniskirt, tee, jacket, and solid tights and boots to the restaurant. It’s winter so the tights had those fuzzy lining underneath. So leggings.

My sister doesn’t talk much during dinner but texts me afterwards about my wife dressing like wh.re when meeting her new man. A crazy rant that I blocked her and enjoyed my night.

The argument continued with my mom because my sister called her about my wife’s skirt. If you need a reminder of our ages please see the above paragraph. I laughed at my mom and my mom said it was “kinda disrespectful” of my wife to wear a mini skirt and she could see where my sister was upset.

My mom told me next time I should just tell my wife to wear pants or something around my sister. I told my mom I’m 100% not telling a 30+ old woman how to dress and my sister needs to stop thinking she can make crazy demands of people.

My mom accused my wife of seeking attention and I said what about my sister calling you to tattle on people. My mom called me an asshole for not seeing my sister's point of view on this. I also have not unblocked my sister from my phone and my mom insists that I should in case of an emergency. I said I would unblock her when she acts like an adult. Now my mom and sister aren’t speaking to me over the mini skirt that I didn't even wear.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/PANdemonium_person on 2024-01-23 21:34:58+00:00.

I (18F) and my roommate (18F) share a triple dorm room (the third roommate dropped out before we moved in) It’s not a big room, but we aren’t cramped either. We both have our own areas in the room and sleep in separate beds.

Recently my roommate has been bringing their boyfriend (18-ish M) in our room. Not for anything dirty (from what I’ve seen) but he’s been sleeping in our room for over a week now. I know he has his own room because it is right across the hall from us. I’m not entirely sure of what to do because every time I try to bring something up she says “Oh, it’s not like we’re doing anything dirty.”. She once even brought him over when she and I both had 8AM tests the next day.

I feel bad for being uncomfortable, her boyfriend seems like a nice person, but now I can’t get changed in the morning because he’s always there. They have done nothing malicious but I still feel annoyed every time he comes over.

My roommate seems to notice my discomfort because she bought me yarn twice already (I’m a big fan of crochet). On one hand, I feel like it’s a bribe and on the other I feel like I’m taking advantage of her.

Today I had to meet someone in the morning and almost didn’t make it because the shower I usually changed in was occupied.

I feel like a total bitch because, again, they’re nice people. My friends tell me to talk to her about it but I’m wondering if I should just suck it up and deal with it.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/sublimethirteen on 2024-01-23 21:33:56+00:00.

My grandmother has been recently diagnosed with cancer, and was in the hospital for about a week. She’s currently home on hospice. A few days ago my mom sent me an unprompted picture of my very sick grandmother in bed with no context, or anything. I was in the middle of grocery shopping when I received it and it really upset me & I instantly burst into tears in public. One, because it’s an upsetting picture to look at, she was very visibly not well & this has been a stressful time of (unfortunately) waiting for all of us. Two, I think it was super distasteful to take a photo of someone in that very vulnerable moment. I said nothing about my grandmother and responded to my mom “Sending this was inappropriate” to which she went on to talk about how upset she is, how I’m being insensitive as to how she feels, I’m an asshole, etc; I understand we’re both working through the feelings of grief, both of my mom’s parents passed about 15 & 20 years ago. So my step dad’s mom is all she has left (my grandfather passed in 2022). I have felt very torn feeling like I was mean to my mother and upset her when we’re all clearly going through the motions of preparing to lose my grandma. At the same time, that was really upsetting for me to see with no context especially in a public space.