AskAGoth

When did you know you could look your mom in the eye and tell her it isn’t a phase?

Hi! I want to do an Elvira Photoshoot at a cemetery, what’s the most respectful way to go about it?

I’m already aware of not stepping/sitting on graves, not going on top of tombstones, not using them as props, etc. is there anything else I should note or any advice?

TYIA!

So I’ve been looking around online, and I keep seeing this weird obsession with goth girls. Like, I came across a comment where a guy was straight up calling a goth girl a "goth dom mommy" That just sounds so off. I’m not even goth myself, but it genuinely made me uncomfortable. Why do some guys have this thing where they turn goth girls into some weird fantasy?

And it's always the same when they post pics of their so-called 'goth dream girl' it's js a random e-girl with black hair, heavy makeup, and red lipstick. Like, are they even into the culture, or do they just like a spooky aesthetic?

Recently, I saw a video on ig reels where a so called "goth" girl was doing something like spitting into someone’s mouth and saying something I can’t even recall. The comments were even worse. People actually liked that and were saying things like, "I’d gladly follow whatever she says" or "Mommy please peg me" and "My mouth is open. Feed me" It just felt weird. Is this really what people think goth is?

Here’s the thing goth girls are just people with their own interests, and they're not all the same. They’re not some character template.

I’m not gonna pretend I’m perfect either. There was a point where I kinda had a weird fantasy thing about goth girls too, but I realized how corny that was. Like, they’re just people. Honestly, that’s why I started actually getting into the culture the music, the art, the books. I love dark, twisted stories, I write sometimes, I love horror, and I’m into rock(Fall Out Boy, Skillet ,Pierce the veil and PVRIS don't know if that's considered goth) That’s what made me realize it’s not just an aesthetic.

I don’t know, I just wish more people would actually respect them instead of trying to turn them into some edgy dream girl. If you actually like them, treat them like people. Start a real conversation. Talk about their interests instead of just trying to act like they’re your fantasy

I’m still new to being goth it’s been a few weeks and I’ve learned a lot. I like the music, I’ve participated in the fashion and makeup too. My only issue now is that I don’t have any goth friends minus one online friend who’s across the country.

I have a semi-local place that has a goth night once a month, next month it’s May 13th.

I’ve never been to a club and they allow people under 21, and I’m 20 so I’m not allowed to drink nor do I really want to drink.

I figure it’s a lot of just dancing and listening to the music, but I have a hard time seeing myself being very allocated to the idea of dancing near strangers. I know that other people probably don’t care, but I’d be more embarrassed internally rather than externally because I don’t know anything about the types of dancing that would happen.

Is there things I should be prepare myself for for going to a club.

I want to make friends or at least one friend

I’m sorta awkward. My awkwardness is randomly generated. Sometimes I’m like a normal guy and other times I’m very off to the side and more self isolating. I’m always afraid of saying the wrong thing because sometimes I just talk and keep talking which makes certain people uncomfortable.

And for clarification. I do want to go to this club and I want to participate in the music events that they have that are for goth people, even tho I’m awkward about the clubbing space. I think it’d be fun with friends but alas the lack of friends makes it difficult.

I don't know how to start this, I just think it's an important subject.

It seems to me that being "goth" has become so mainstream, the word has become overused due to a lot of people seeking sexual attention by dressing as "goth".

Now, there's multiple issues here. First of all, the subculture is supposed to reject societal expectations, and the subculture becoming mainstream contradicts the point of it in the first place.

There is a ton of people who dress in black, have huge eyeliners and are all black and white, identify as goth because they listen to certain music, yet have no idea what the subculture is about in the first place.

Another thing that contradicts the point is literal hypermonetization of the "style". When it comes to hypersexualization - it's just everywhere, and not necessarily in this community only, but in this community it's the most.

Seems like the second someone wears black, they are being sexualized and objectified, often going in the extremes.

It's basically like "omg you wear fishnets goth mommy" like what?

Anyone can wear fishnets, it has nothing to do with being goth or not.

Furthermore, overpathologization is an even bigger issue.

I have seen lots of videos and met lots of people who for some reason think goth=BPD.

Even people who try to identify as goth seem to just be like omg I have bpd I'm goth does anyone want a goth mommy like STOP.

It's not what it is about. First of all it's labeling peoole without knowing them, and often labeling yourself too.

Second of all, being goth has nothing to do with having a pathology, not a mental one, nor a physical one.

Third of all - if you for some reason absolutely NEED to label everything as a pathology, at least be accurate, though labeling a whole subculture is stupid. But if you have to, you should be able to realize that the goth subculture is essentially way closer to being antisocial than to anything else.

It also seems that making the goth subculture popular, got followed by making BDSM popular, and now linking being goth to having kinks or fetishes, which, although often is the case, doesn't have to be.

The BDSM and the goth community do share a lot of similarities, but meeting someone who wears fishnets and a corset and immediately thinking they like sexual whatever is weird.

Actually, thinking about someone's sexual preferences based on the way they dress in general is weird, and you would have to have some issues.

Another thing I'd like to touch on is that there's a lot of young girls, women, whatever, who are hypersexualizing themselves and dressing goth, trying to find a way to fit in.

Which again, just like all the other things I said, contradicts the idea of the community. It makes me mad, even though I personally don't identify as part of the goth community.

It's not the only community that has this problem, but it's the most popular one now.

Also, men who are like "I want a big tiddie goth mommy", just... No words.

Miserable.

i keep seeing videos on tiktok talking about how you need to agree with the "goth political values" to be a goth, but no one ever actually says what they are.

goth is obviously counter culture so i'm assuming that that is an element but other than that all i can think of is DIY and buying from charity shops and that. i know that goth is an off shoot of punk, but goth music really isn't all that political, at least definitely not to the extent that punk music is. some songs might have a political message but that is the same with all music.

ive never seen anyone, other than random comments, mention these elusive goth political values and i'd really like to know specifically what they are beyond being vaguely leftist.

Growing up outside the goth community, I always thought that "goth" was more about a personal attitude/outlook and an associated fashion movement, and only later discovered it was actually a music genre (thought the same thing about Emo and Punk culture).

You guys seem like a rather inclusive bunch 😁 so idk if you have any hard lines in the sand about who is or isn't "goth" as long as they like the music and aren't assholes. But are there any terms or subcultures for people that like the associated aesthetics but not necessarily the music?

I think my first was Mona the Vampire.

I completely forgot this show existed, until I overheard it in convo by pure fluke, literally just walking past someone (which is crazy since I dont even live in the west).

Pretty much always been into gothic and witchy shit.

Anyway, im curious about other people's now.

I just don't know what is called, and whenever I look it up, it's a Halloween costume.

I know this kinda sounds like a weird question, but why is it a stereotype that goths like vampires?

Personally, I’ve never liked vampires that much. I grew up as the twilight books were released, so I always had this schema instilled in my head that vampires were kind of a “lame girly thing” (Ik that sounds so rude, I don’t judge now).

But they still don’t really interest me that much, I don’t really think I would like the South Park goths as people if I ever met them (they’re hilarious don’t get me wrong, but they are also really rude), but I relate to their general distaste for “vamps”.

I did try seeing what the big deal was a few years ago by watching the lost boys and I read in an analysis that vampires represent “the other” and outcast kids are drawn to that, but I thought that sounded kind of silly and cheesy.

Is there any truth in this fascination though? If so why do you like vampires? What started it for you? And do you view it as going hand in hand with your gothic identity?

Any goths (or even punks) who are willing to explain to me the politics embeded to these mouvements?

I have a vague idea of what it is but sadly its really blurry, and I cant seem to find much on the internet.

I want to become a goth, but I wanna make sure that I align with the ideology.

I'm a babybat and I want to start dressing goth (trad goth) but my family is strict.

hii! I'm a babybat of 2 years and I absoloutely love goth music and literature and I'm currently educating myself on the political side of the goth subculture too.

I've always adored the fashion too but my parents are quite strict about my apperance and say negative things about it whenever I try to express myself in the way that makes me happy, which is dressing alternative.

I'm trying to build my closet currently but I'm afraid of wearing some of the outfits and doing the makeup looks i want to do because I know how my parents will react.

I also remember my grandma saying to me that if I ever get piercings, tattoos or dye my hair she's going to cut off all ties with me and that she wouldn't want to have anything to do with me. I don't see her much though since she lives in another country.

Did/does anyone else have a similar experience?

Some tips on how to subtly change things in my apperance would be appreciated.

I'm 14 and I'm not allowed to dye my hair or get piercings btw.

Thank youu!!!!

EDIT: I added that my grandma lives in another country and changed parents into family in the beginning of the post.

EDIT 2: deleted some unnecessary parts to shorten the post lol.

I have been hearing abt this, I tried finding what that is, but I dont understand the explanation of it.

Is it ok if someone explain it?

Hey, I've always been into alternative subcultures, yet this year I decided to be more into the goth subculture.

I would like some advices as bands to get to know besides The Cure, Bauhaus and Siouxsie and the Banshees.

Also, what would be some essential clothes in a goth closet?

Basically the title lol

Sometimes I find myself in alt Spaces, taking in all the cool people around me, and I just feel like such an outsider.

Like Im somehow intruding in their space, and must stick out quite harshly.

Then I catch a glimpse of myself in a reflection and remember the overalt dramatic dark makeup I have on, matched with my clothes, piercings, and I fit right in.

But when I turn away the feeling of not belonging comes right back.

I dont get it.

I know aesthetics is only a small part of it, but I feel like Im somehow lying to everyone there?

I know Im not, I love the music, litterature, beliefs, etc, but still.

How do I overcome this?

I never really dressed gothic or alternative but it’s always interested me.

I would really love to seeing as I’ve always loved the gothic/alternative style but I feel like I wouldn’t be taken seriously.

(Especially as a male, 17 if that matters).

For example, anytime I see any political post with someone sharing their opinion who dresses more alternative the comments or replies immediately begin jabbing at the persons looks as a way to belittle their beliefs.

I’ve always been very opinionated and very open and outspoken on my opinions, and the last thing I want it to not be taken seriously over the way I dress.

I am in search of a matte lipstick (not liquid) and preferably under $20. I have also used the UD and MAC varieties in the past.

Any suggestions? A cleaner brand (ie. without petrochemicals like paraffin) would be ideal. I’ve been eyeing the e.l.f. All Night O Face Satin Lipstick which isn’t technically matte, but it’s rated well.

Appreciate the help and thank you in advance!

Hello everyone, so I consider myself Goth.

I love the Goth style, music, literature, art, decor, etc.

But I sometimes feel uncomfortable calling myself goth because I don’t dress like a Stereotypical Goth, and I don’t want to disrespect those who do.

I have a lot of questions as I recently became more interested in the goth subculture. I wanted some answers from goths so I can get a better idea of if I fit it or not 🙏

To start I recently turned 16 and I have loved all different subcultures and stuff since I was 10 but I never really engaged with them out of fear of being judged. I understand that being judged is inevitable, but I my parents weren’t supportive so I was scared. Anyway at 14 I subtly started trying to evolve my style. I just now started doing eyeliner and my lips. I also struggle to buy things because I rely on my parents since I do not have a job due to my mental health and the fact I’m in college and stressed lmao. That’s unrelated I guess I just wanted to give background info if just in case it helps 😓 Also I apologize if this is a lot to read.

Clothing- From what I’ve heard, clothing is mostly diy and thrift. I try to diy clothes that I have like cutting up tights and turning them into tops, cutting up shirts, and bleaching shirts. But right now I am unable to sew anything because I do not own any materials. (I did ask for a sewing machine for Christmas though!) I wanted to know if there are any brands that are okay to buy from.

Accessories- I know that accessories can make an outfit look better. I own a cheap corset and a belt. I like to make things such as jewelry so all of my earrings, waistchains, necklaces, and bracelets I’ve made myself. Are there any other accessories or things I could buy or make for my outfits?

Music- I’ve been trying to find more goth music to listen to but I don’t know what classifies as goth. I love The Cure, London After Midnight and She Wants Revenge and I’ve been told that they’re goth. So I guess I’m asking what classifies as goth music and other band recs based of the ones that I like. <3

Media- I don’t know much goth media so I’d like some recommendations. I reallly like Elvira and I also enjoy Edgar Allen Poe’s stories. I don’t know if that counts or anything so please let me know!

Politics- I don’t know all of the politics of being goth but I’ve been told a crucial part of being goth is the politics but they never share what exactly those politics are. I am part of the LGBTQ+ community. I’m against all homophobia, transphobia, racism, anything along those lines. I hate hateful people. I’m against places like shein and temu for their child labor. I’m pro-choice. I’m also against ai because of the affects on our environment.

History- I try to learn about the history of the gothic subculture because that’s important. I’ve saved tons of things I’ve seen on TikTok about the history and I read through them. I don’t trust TikTok fully though and I’d like some other people to share what they know as well.

Local- I know people say to get involved with your local scenes or whatever but I don’t know how. I have social anxiety which I guess isn’t an excuse but I feel the need to include it lol. I live in a town that’s full of racists with big egos unfortunately. There are no sidewalks in my city and I don’t have a drivers license yet sadly so I have no idea how I’d get involved.

If you actually read all of that, thanks! Obviously I’m not expecting essays as answers, I’d just like a couple tips and recommendations please and thank you!

Out of curiosity, does anyone have an all time favorite band that isn’t goth/metal/industrial?

I was curious to see if there were other people like me.

haha

Off the top of my head of what ungoth things about me is that I don't wear too much makeup, partially because I'm scared to use eyeshadow or be extra with eyeliner.

I have these boots (the ones that go up to your shins) in my closet that has not seen the light of day since I've first tried them because I was too lazy to practice walking in them.

I hate pink, but I love pink food, it's the most visually appealing and usually tastes the best.

I like warmer seasons over cold, I just don't want to move anywhere if I'm cold end stay in my bed forever.