I haven't been to Germany, but my family has a large portion of Pennsylvania German that haven't given up all the old ways of things. I've always felt rather similar to the feelings you describe.

From things I've come across, Germany in the 1800s and first half of the 1900s really focused on a conservative and staunchly obedient household structure. I mostly remember growing up being a matter of "do what I say and don't talk back" more than any concern for me as a child. My grandparents were very nice to me though.

I'm twice as old as you, but even so, that period of time isn't so long ago that it isn't still rippling down in its effects on people raised that way.

I don't think I've met many other families that have been as emotionally detached as mine, though I feel others' families always look happier than our own, because we know more things our own family are guilty of.

Being raised how I was has definitely had negative effects on me. I'm still largely insecure and have difficulties being proud of myself or my accomplishments. I don't trust my family the way I do my friends.

I don't feel it's any particular thing about the German people. I've met some very nice Germans online, and nobody should be lumped into a group anyway. After all, you are German, but you don't want to be the way you feel everyone else around you is. We all have the opportunity to break the chain of doing to others what has been done to us. Our elders may have been raised in a time of unfortunate child psychology we have yet to free ourselves of, but that doesn't make Germans any better or worse than Americans.