this post was submitted on 14 Feb 2025
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You uh...ok? It does not sound fun to have your birthday be your death day :(.
Life is both pointless AND miserable and it would be fine if it were just one or the other but I'm just so fucking tired of putting effort into a life that I hate living
Please don't hurt yourself. You are worthy of love.
Worthy? I can accept that. The problem is my presence in someone's life would only make theirs worse. Well it would be a problem if I were capable of seeking out a relationship which I'm not. Not even comfortable with hookups anymore. Accepted that love, affection, and intimacy just aren't for me.
Relationships aren't for everyone, and that's fine if its your choice and you are actually happy with it. Regardless, life is worth living. It may not seem like it now (I've been there) but I assure you there is a reason you're here. Keep your head up.
If I start hoping, it's just gonna make everything hurt more
No need to hope. Just keep going. I know how it feels and I know I would have said the same in your position but all I can say is keep going. I'm rooting for you. If there is something I can do that will help, let me know.
I admit I'm curious about what you said but not engaging is probably the right call
Honestly as an old person who struggles with ADHD I was trying to tell you it can get better... ignore the voice in your head telling you, "you can't/suck/failure" it won't help and it only drags you into a pit of self loathing reaffirmed by that goddamn voice.
You need to accept you work differently and focus on how to use that instead of trying to conform.
Make your life about a purpose and start working on a system that you can excel.
Nowhere near it, but haven't started looking for a place to get a helium or nitrogen tank yet so I call it a win. Tbh I should hurry up so I have more money left to leave to friends and family but I just haven't been able to get around to it.
Your friends would almost certainly rather have you than any money you would give them.
I mean, sure, but I see them irl maybe once a year, and it's easy to forget people exist (or existed) when you only interact with them online. I'm always the one reaching out and trying to do things and god knows I've let enough friendships vanish by getting sick of it and stopping initiating things and watching them never notice.
I don't think it's as easy as you think. It sure isn't for me. There are a lot of friends I have lost touch with over the years that I think of often. And hope are still around.
At this point it's just more of a question of when, not if
🤷♀️
If I had lost touch with a friend and then suddenly I got some money they willed to me after they killed themselves, I would be pretty sad about it. Even if I had forgotten about them until I got the money. I'd also feel very guilty that we lost touch because I would think maybe I could have done something.
Yeah and for now the crushing guilt is keeping me pinned down. At some point, things will get bad enough that I no longer care who I hurt and I'll do it anyways and I'm such a piece of shit for it. Ah well, add it to the pile of reasons