this post was submitted on 28 Feb 2025
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[–] [email protected] 134 points 19 hours ago* (last edited 19 hours ago) (2 children)

Wanted you to fight for her affection. Time to separate and run away

This will NOT be the last test their partner does. Relationship tests are toxic.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 7 hours ago

Either that, or she thought she wanted out, only to realize when it was done that she no longer felt like she had somebody to depend upon. The feeling of safety is what keeps a lot of people in relationships they might not feel love in anymore. When you make someone your world for years, it's gonna impact you when that goes away, even if it was your choice.

[–] [email protected] 85 points 17 hours ago (4 children)

Relationship tests are toxic.

Hah. The woman I was briefly married to really wanted me to be jealous, but I didn't realize that at the time. I was just happy for her whenever she told be about her great friends who happened to be men.

This culminated when she told me it wasn't fair that I had had other sexual partners in my life but she had not. I replied that if she was asking me for an open relationship and it was really important to her, then it would be something we could discuss. That was not what she wanted to hear.

She was not a nice person (to put it mildly) so I don't regret being so clueless.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

Based responses from you tbh. Relationships work best when you try to solve problems rather than ramp up emotions constantly

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 hours ago

I can't officially diagnose her with BPD but ramping up emotions constantly was her thing.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 hours ago* (last edited 5 hours ago)

I've found some people who act jealous and want you to be jealous are that way because they're cheaters. They may not be cheating now but they know they would given the right opportunity and they assume you're like them. So they worry about you cheating and they get upset when you don't worry about them cheating because they assume that means you don't care. It's a messed up and miserable way of thinking, and if you're not the cheating or jealous type but naive to their thinking, together you'll have a lot of conflict and confusion.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 11 hours ago* (last edited 11 hours ago) (1 children)

My current SO is similar. They asked if I'd be okay with them watching a movie with a friend of my gender online. I said, "sure, go for it" offhandedly. They were flabbergasted and said they expected me to be jealous. They then asked how I'd feel if it was in person instead, and I said, "I'd want to meet them first because I don't trust them, but I do trust you." Again, flabbergasted.

My SO is a nice person though, just a little protective. We're happily married and we make sure to inform eachother about anything the other may be uncomfortable with. We just differ in what we're comfortable with, and I think that's fine.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

That sounds like they might have an insecure attachment style.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 34 minutes ago

Yeah, perhaps. But it's not too hard to work around, and the benefits of the relationship far outweigh any inconvenience. If I wanted to hang out with a friend of my SO's gender, I would either bring my SO along or at least have them get to know each other first.

[–] [email protected] 33 points 17 hours ago (2 children)

Wow, thats intense, I hope your in a better situation now!

[–] [email protected] 17 points 10 hours ago

I divorced her after six months of marriage a long time ago. I'm embarrassed by that, but my mistake was in marrying her, not in ending the marriage so quickly. I'm proud that I had the courage to leave.

I do wonder if there was anything I should have done differently which would have made the marriage work, but I'm more confident about my decision to leave after a more recent ex of hers found me so that he could tell me that she was a "horrible psychopath" who ruined his life. Apparently he knew my name because she told him how bad I had been to her, and after their breakup he suspected that she had been lying.

As for right now: I'm single but it's 100% true that being single is better than being in a bad relationship.