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How can I assure myself that I can find a partner despite being chronically ill and disabled? (lemmy.world)

submitted 23 hours ago* (last edited 23 hours ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Every time I encounter another problem with my body that a healthy person wouldn't have, I'm always tempted to think to myself that nobody would want a partner like me because they could just pick someone healthier and more capable. I'm in my early 20s and my health is already getting a little worse each year without any real way to stop it.

I could tell myself that my unique story is compelling, and that enduring all of this hardship has cultivated a more powerful mindset than mainstream materialism and hyperindividualism, and that anyone who shares my values would appreciate me for who I am, even if it means potentially foregoing wealth and luxury. But I just wish I had something more to go off of, something a little more than just blind hope.

I know that lacking confidence and having an external locus of control aren't helping at all, but I find that I can only feel confidence and control if I have a solid, well-reasoned belief that I can succeed and my actions are meaningful.

So, I'd really appreciate any success stories, those who found love despite having challenging medical issues, or any good arguments you might have. I don't think there will be any one thing that does it for me; every little bit will help. Thank you.

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[–] [email protected] 36 points 23 hours ago (1 children)

I'm too far removed from my 20s be able to comment on your immediate future, but I can offer you hope for the slightly farther future.

As we get older, with regard to our mental and physical health, we're all broken in some way. Some of use are like you with conditions that have been with them from childhood. Others pick up their brokenness from daring behavior in their 20s. By your 30s your warranty has expired and when things break, they never fully heal. By your 40s most of us are already dealing with at least one chronic health condition, many of them life shortening/threatening. In your 50s you have a growing list of peers that you knew growing up that have already died.

Human aging is brutal. It eventually takes your mobility, dietary choices, mental capacity, and your pain free life. You may have an advanced start on some of your peers in your early 20s, but they will join you soon. You are not now, nor will you every be alone. Everyone grows more like you every day of their lives. There aren't fewer candidates for partners for you, there is an ever increasing number of them every single day.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 22 hours ago

This is an insightful and hopefully helpful take. Depressing AF for its truth though.