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I really struggle with that one. When you hate your own child, I think you're dealing with something more than just ignorance. I think you're dealing with parents who have a child and then wanted the child to be a certain way and are upset and disappointed and feel like their dreams have been stolen by the "choices" of their own child. It's a kind of narcissism, I'd guess?
I don't know but you're right that you can't just expose them any further to help them understand. They feel like their dreams or legacy or whatever has been attacked. My step-son's dad took several years to come around and accept that his only son is gay, but he did. But a close friend of mine lost many family members when she transitioned.
It's something more than just ignorance. I have my own ideas to explain it, but no thoughts on how to fix it. I suspect it's a lot of patriarchy—men who think they are entitled to control their wives and children to a large degree (and women who accept and embrace that). Probably a bit of religious identity where they've been told the entity that grants eternal life also forbids who their child is and they feel they must love their god more than their child.
No you're right that there are people whose sense of identity is tied to hatred and control of others. Even that I think is less stupidity and more an inability to detach the parts of their identity that hurt people around them that they should love.
Good call out, for sure.