Transfem
A community for transfeminine people and experiences.
This is a supportive community for all transfeminine or questioning people. Anyone is welcome to participate in this community but disrupting the safety of this space for trans feminine people is unacceptable and will result in moderator action.
Debate surrounding transgender rights or acceptance will result in an immediate ban.
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This community is supportive of DIY HRT. Unsolicited medical advice or caution being given to people on DIY will result in moderator action.
Posters may express that they are looking for responses and support from groups with certain experiences (eg. trans people, trans people with supportive parents, trans parents.). Please respect those requests and be mindful that your experience may differ from others here.
Some helpful links:
- The Gender Dysphoria Bible // In depth explanation of the different types of gender dysphoria.
- Trans Voice Help // A community here on blahaj.zone for voice training.
- LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory // A directory of LGBTQ+ accepting Healthcare providers.
- Trans Resistance Network // A US-based mutual aid organization to help trans people facing state violence and legal discrimination.
- TLDEF's Trans Health Project // Advice about insurance claims for gender affirming healthcare and procedures.
- TransLifeLine's ID change Library // A comprehensive guide to changing your name on any US legal document.
Support Hotlines:
- The Trevor Project // Web chat, phone call, and text message LGBTQ+ support hotline.
- TransLifeLine // A US/Canada LGBTQ+ phone support hotline service. The US line has Spanish support.
- LGBT Youthline.ca // A Canadian LGBT hotline support service with phone call and web chat support. (4pm - 9:30pm EST)
- 988lifeline // A US only Crisis hotline with phone call, text and web chat support. Dedicated staff for LGBTQIA+ youth 24/7 on phone service, 3pm to 2am EST for text and web chat.
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I interacted with women at those ages, and made friends - but I was in a neighborhood where a group of boys had made friends with me, and my mom encouraged the relationships so much that they often would host sleepovers and center everything around her house, so I was sorta stuck in a hyper-masculine environment during middle school. So while I preferred my female friends at school, it was an age where boys and girls didn't hang out much together, and when my time and space at home was dominated by boys by default.
Moving away and then going to high school, the kids were more mature and platonic relationships between boys and girls became more common.
It was a confusing time, looking back I think some of my infatuation with some of the girls might have been more about wanting to be really good friends and feeling an affinity for them, and confusing that for romantic desires (looking back there wasn't an erotic drive as much as what I would now characterize as strong affinity and a desire for close friendship that wasn't possible without dating).
So I was lucky to not technically be stuck in a male-only environment, but it felt enough like that to me - and I was miserable despite not understanding why - I came up with rationalizations about how the boys are just really violent, I never felt safe around them, and how inconsiderate they were - boys always left a mess whenever they would visit, and they never asked if they should help clean-up, etc. I felt used all the time, and like I was doing a lot of emotional and physical labor for them without much reciprocity.
Girls on the other hand were really considerate, they shared in emotional labor (listening and asking about you as well as bitching about their own stuff), they never engaged in random acts of violence and I felt safer around them, and so on.
All that said, I'm surprised you think your egg would have cracked sooner if not for the male environment, I wonder what you attribute to that?
Simply because I needed to meet some women for my perception to switch from "unfathomable sex objects" to "people I like to be around". Which it did, very quickly, and even if I didn't know why it was immediately clear to me that I liked, even preferred, hanging out with women as friends. One of the first times I was able to express, even jokingly, a desire to be more feminine was to a group of girlfriends. My egg exploded soon after.
It's possible social pressures would have kept boys and girls apart like you describe, but otoh I've always been a bit of a deliberate outcast, and I'd probably have quite enjoyed defying those expectations.
ahh, interesting. My world was dominated by women from the time I was born, I often thought that was why I wanted to be a woman (and a reason I used to discount the possibility I was trans, it's just "normal" to feel that pressure as the only boy, etc.).
My denial survived
Looking back, I don't see how it wasn't obvious, but even now I have imposter syndrome and endless doubting.
I feel you. Had the exact same thing. I first thought I was gay, but I never really liked the appearance of men. This was quite confusing.
to be fair, taking estrogen made my attraction to men much stronger, where before I never saw a man IRL and felt sexual desire, now there are times where I do (and strongly so, the way I might feel attraction to a woman). I think part of what was going on was that being attracted to a man as a man made no sense to me, but being attracted to a man as a woman does make sense - but more than that I think it's just hormones, the estrogen flipped a switch and balanced out my bisexuality from incidental to moderate.
Oh, dear--the closet wasn't even glass! I do get the "almost like I'm gay, but for women" thing, though.
Funny thing about imposter syndrome: I can reflect on past signs all day long and still feel it, but thinking about the joy I get from presenting femme or the effects of HRT puts it to bed. Or rather, I don't care if I'm faking it if I get to feel this good. Euphoria is the way to go!