Cross-posted from "Dawwww" by @[email protected] in [email protected]
this post was submitted on 25 Apr 2025
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My husband is autistic. We used to have arguments about how he would offer solutions to my problem instead of listening and just being there for me. Then we realized he has autism and that’s literally the best way (in his view) to show emotional support. I learned to see it as a sign of love when he offers a solution, and he learned to sometimes just say “that sounds hard” and hug me. We don’t argue much anymore.
More couples in general need to learn some version of the question "Do you want to vent, or do you want my input?".
Agreed!
@ickplant @db0
I remember that decades ago this was considered a classic men vs. women thing, so I wonder why that is, what's going on there. Did "male culture" pick up this trait from their 1% minority somehow? Or is there something else to this? :blob_cat_thinking:
I remember an incident where my best friend's girlfriend got pissed off at him for doing this (in retrospect I believe he is classic ADHD), and kicked him out of his own room so she could talk to me alone because I was just listening to her. So, on the surface that's weird since I was the autistic one. OTOH, I've had plenty of people tall me what a great listener I am, when it's more do to with me being "quiet and shy" around people I'm not entirely comfortable with yet, and this too scared to offer solutions. So in that respect, yes, me doing so would be a sign of how comfortable I am with you.
That’s a good question. It could be because men are generally socialized to be more solution-oriented and women more relationship-oriented. Although I have to say, as a couples therapist, I see this tendency to offer a fix in all genders. My guess would be that it more depends on how one was raised rather than their gender, but I could be wrong.