memes

That's exactly it. I miss the beautiful lie that never truly existed.

I lamented my big ex for a years who left me for someone with money. Oddly it was a Wes Anderson film, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, that broke my fever.

He had a submarine on his ship that was once called Jacqueline but the name was crossed out. At some point his new found son asked who Jacqueline was, and Steve says the damndest thing:

"She didn't really love me"

That was the important bit missing in my heart. There wasn't something that had been truly lost, it was never there to begin with. The person I thought I loved was a mirage and a facade. I'm sure for some that would make it worse, but it helped me greatly.

It makes me sad that we won't get another season of him.

I miss the good times. I don't miss the incredible jealousy, having to slowly shed all my female friends. I don't miss arguments because some girl heart reacted my fb post. I don't miss the gaslighting. I don't miss just having to give her her way because she would never compromise, or see something from someone else's perspective.

I miss the year where I thought she was honest about being over her jealousy issues, when she wanted to be Poly. Where I could at least have healthy friendships again, while still being with her. Where I thought maybe I could fix things, turn our relationship around. But all of that was a mirage. She didn't stop being jealous because she had changed. She stopped being jealous because she was done, and just leaving me slowly, and wanted to date another guy so she'd have another relationship to catch her when she left.

7 years down the fucking shitter and she only left after she finished destroying my life. I wish things didn't end the way they did because my memories of her are all tainted with the knowledge that she was never who I thought she was.

I miss her tits

RIP Mr Stevenson

There's a lot of truth to this. I miss the idea of being coupled, but I don't miss the petty stressors.