this post was submitted on 13 Aug 2023
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chapotraphouse

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submitted 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
 

Any feedback would be great. I'm just getting started as a conservative comedian.

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[–] [email protected] 44 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Here's some (CW)

"All women of every race can be beautiful,"

"And I know some of you are sitting there now going, 'Oh OP, yeah, but I've never seen a beautiful Aborigine'.

"Yeah, but you know what you say? You say 'yet'. That's what you say; 'yet'. Because you haven't seen all of them, right?

"Plus it's not always about looks. Maybe Aborigine women do special things? Maybe they'll just like, jump on top of you?"

You then go on to mimic the sound of a didgeridoo while miming oral sex.

Or

gay people wouldn't mind 30-year prison sentences because gay sex.

How about

Everyone knows what should have been done people on the radio, people on the news- 'You know these bloody police. These bloody police have gotten out of hand they're busy shooting people. why didn't they use rubber bullets why didnt they use rubber bullets and tear gas?'

Cause those things don't work anymore. They used it the whole week and they couldn't control people so they had to come with ammunition because those guys had weapons.

Plus tear gas is a waste of time. Which strike has ever ended because of tear gas

Oh sorry, those are just Trevor Noah's jokes

[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Good lord. Are they old stuff he's apologized for?

[–] [email protected] 27 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 years ago

-_-

Ah, the old "out of context / different context" excuse. And that context is never explained, either.

I'm gen-x. I grew up in a "different context" in the UK and cringe when I think of some of the stuff I said as a kid/teen. I've grown the fuck up though, and taken responsibility for being a better person than I once was. Part of that is apologizing to groups I once repeated slurs about. I don't understand why someone wouldn't apologize.

"Oh, crap, yeah I understand how that is offensive now. I am sorry and I will do better in future." <-- how difficult is that?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

You then go on to mimic the sound of a didgeridoo while miming oral sex.

data-laughing

[–] [email protected] 33 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I identify as an attack helicopter. Immediately drafted. Crash over open ocean during joint Aus/USA Exercise Talisman Sabre operations

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 years ago

Not sure if conservative joke or greentext but idc shrug-outta-hecks

[–] [email protected] 29 points 2 years ago (3 children)

Roaming gangs of women should be allowed to step on men (physically) and berate them at the same time in the name of equality and smashing patriarchy

Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesfyesyesyrsyesyesyesyesyesyesyeseyedyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyedyedyrsyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes

But also they should step on other women too like me 🥺

[–] [email protected] 26 points 2 years ago

checks username

volcel-kamala

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)
[–] [email protected] 27 points 2 years ago (1 children)

All jokes aside, I can't imagine a task more joyless and soul crushing than trying to make a conservative laugh.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 years ago (1 children)

All you have to say is “I identify as an attack helicopter” and “you can’t say anything these days” and they shower you with money, what’s not to like? /s

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 years ago

"No one wants to work anymore "

[–] [email protected] 26 points 2 years ago

Do you know the one about the attack helicopter? Funniest shit I've ever heard.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 2 years ago

Fuck you this made me laugh

[–] [email protected] 23 points 2 years ago (2 children)

First one is your opener for sure, then you can segway into some family court jokes.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

What's the difference between taxes and child support?

With taxes the government fucks you, but with child support you f-hey I thought this was an audience of libertarians??

Three hour sermon on the age of consent

[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 years ago (1 children)

What's the deal with child support?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 years ago

Why they call it “child support” when the checks all end up in my ex-wife’s bank account, am I right, fellas?!

[–] [email protected] 23 points 2 years ago

The LGBTSA is a winning idea from a security AND morale perspective.

Who knows better where you can cram contraband, and it will be nice to see someone enjoy the patdown for once.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 years ago

The homophobic Muslim bit should end with the two of them making out

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 years ago

Roaming gangs of women should be allowed to step on men physically

spray-bottle

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

"No fault divorce is the worst thing ever. Fellas, when you marry your woman, she is yours. It's like the day you bring home a new rescue dog - you picked them, now they're yours. They don't just get to leave, m I rite guys?"

That hurt to type im sorry

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago

Father introduces different son and daughter each year at Christmas party (the kid changes gender and age annually)

Honestly we love to see it, genderfluid pog