Confessions

114 readers

1 users here now

You must confess!

This community is subject to the rules defined for this instance of Lemmy, which you can check out here.

founded 2 years ago

Why are desires so hard? (lemmy.world)

submitted 1 week ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

NSFW 5 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Hey I know this might not be the right place but I'm banned on Reddit for no reason and just need to vent. if you can give me your thoughts and opinions as I could really use some outside words from people who don't know me.

I (20m) want to lose my V-card. I want to know what 'coitus' feels like but I'm too scared to because of how important the first time is. my friends are all in relationships or are out playing the fields doing what I wish I could while I'm stuck using my hand in my room. I'm fantasizing about killing the people I consider friends just to stop seeing their amazing dates and just to stop having plans canceled to deal with their partners. Yet at the same time there's part of me that's too logical. that part of me always reminds me about the arguments that they go through over dumbest things, the times they were scared they might've made a baby or caught an STD. it reminds me that a partner will just distract me and that studies will set me up for a future where I could do anything including having a partner. also rushing towards romantic relationship wont help me, it'll just being doing something that will fall flat instead of what I want, and what for? for the approval of others who already keep me at a distance? for my family who don't give a shit and love me all the same?

I don't know what to do or how to feel. I cant argue with the negative parts of what sex entails but the jealousy is ruining my relationship with my siblings and friends since I'm pulling away and they are noticing.

Thank you for any thoughts and opinions you all leave or just for reading my little vent of emotionss

top 5 comments

sorted by: hot top controversial new old

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago

I used to be you. I used to feel that way.

If it helps, I lost my “v-card” at 34.

I’m now happily married with 4 kids. Sex isn’t the be all and end all dude.

Try to make some friends of the opposite sex. Don’t even try to make a move, friends is what you want.

That will naturally lead to meeting more people and things will happen naturally.

All the best.

[–] phanto 2 points 1 week ago

I was 22. It was awful. I felt like I 'should', didn't feel right about the girl or the time... I was 33 when the right one came along. Happily married now, really enjoy sex, wish I had waited.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Dude, I feel you, being young and randy can be a curse! I too was always paranoid about STDs or 'slipping one last the goalie'. I would suggest changing your focus:

Forget about the (casual) sex, focus on your studies which appear to be very important to you but when you're not studying, focus on getting out and having fun. Social groups, activities, sports or whatever floats your boat. Build friendships with guys and gals with no expectation. Take your friends (guys, gals, both) out for coffee or small activities - not as dates but just to do something or connect with them.

Over time, you may meet their friends or friends of friends - introducing you to more people and eventually you will find someone you connect with and want to take things further. When you do get serious with that person, bring up your (valid) concerns about STDs and pregnancy - chances are, they are worried about it on some level too and work out together how you'll tackle each one.

When you stop looking, it has a way of finding you.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 days ago (1 children)

how do I do that? its not the first time I've been told to forget about casual sex, or sex in general, but when I try the thoughts just pop out more. "Huh (insert female classmate) looks really nice in those shorts" or randomly I'll be pulled into a fantasy about me boning a female classmate who I don't even know the name of while studying for a quiz. it just happens with no reason. How do you do it?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 days ago

Yeah, that's the magic trick, it's not easy at all! One thing I did was instead of thinking "she's cute" or "she looks nice in those shorts", I replaced it with simply "let's have fun". I would basically try to drown out those thoughts with what I wanted to do. It didn't always work but it helped - it may or may not work for you or it could help to create your own statement to use that means something to you.