this post was submitted on 09 May 2025
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I just lost a family member (not a close one, but I did love him). Not sure yet when the funeral will be, but I'll need to plan ahead, and I'm not sure where to start. When my boyfriend died (8 years ago) we made copies of his favorite tshirt and wore those. I'm guessing this will be a slightly dresser function.

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I'm really sorry that you've lost them, you weren't close but the love was there. It's always hard losing someone, it's so final and it brings up lots in your head. How are you doing?

For funerals I always ask the family and loved ones. Every family wants different things, some want relaxed and informal, some want elegant, some absolutely don't want black.

If there's no dress code I personally go for semi formal plain black. So black trousers, plain black top, black boots, bag and then a black blazer or cardigan. I keep jewellery minimal and silver.

I pack in my bag my usual things plus water, several packs tissues, protein bar, mints, clothing delinter and sewing kit. I don't want anyone having any additional stress if a button comes off or anything!

Do the family get on or could there be tension?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Thank you. I'm just crying lightly here and there, which is healthy. We were friends when I was a teen, but I haven't seen him for several years now, and I wish I'd been able to. I don't expect any tension.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Yes that sounds really healthy, and good there'll be no tension. Lean on us if you need anything ❤️

[–] [email protected] 2 points 20 hours ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 19 hours ago

And I you mate ❤️

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (2 children)

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Typical attire is dark clothes, little to no patterned fabric, suit or jacket if you have one, dress, slacks, dress shirt, cardigan if you need extra layers. Navy blue, charcoal grey, brown, black, colors like that. Nothing "loud". Subdued jewelry. You're not there to draw attention to yourself. You're there to comfort the grieving, process your own grief, and remember good things about the departed.

That said, I have been to some funerals where the only clothes some ppl had were jeans and a shirt. Their demeanor was appropriate and respectful, and no one judged them.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago

Thank you. I'm not sure yet which kind of service it will be. I hope it's the latter because my entire wardrobe is built on patterns and loudness.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago

If it's to be a celebration of life not in a church or funeral home, somber dress is less of a norm. I wore my mom's favorite color (purple).