this post was submitted on 03 Jul 2025
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ancient problems need ancient solutions... (feddit.org)
submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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[–] [email protected] 106 points 1 week ago (7 children)

Ancient solutions??? Shit! That would work TODAY!!!

If Kamala Harris had promised bigger penis's to all men if elected, she would be president right now.

Thats how I know all those pills and whatnot aren't worth trying. If ANYTHING worked, it would become a competition. And suddenly it wouldn't even be about if women liked it. Guys would be walking around with 60 inch dicks complaining they aren't big enough, because their neighbor is 90 inches soft.

And the human race would end, because no woman would be able to even take dicks anymore, so they'd just stop having sex.

And guys would STILL keep growing.

But none of that is real. So I know anything selling penis enlargement is a scam without needing to even try.

[–] [email protected] 46 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Twist: There is a reliable method, but it is being suppressed because penis insecurity drives so many behaviors that it is considered a load-bearing pillar of world economics. Penis equity would lead to global collapse.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 week ago (1 children)

It's being suppressed not by Big Penis, but by Small Penis.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago

Big small penis is behind this

[–] [email protected] 38 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (6 children)

Honest to god, 4-7 inches is indistinguishable. Everyone’s dick is fine. The vagina only has nerve endings down like 2-3”. It’s only really gay men who are size queens, because it’s different for anal. I’ve had good sex with guys with 3”, I’ve had terrible sex with guys with 8”. The size had zero to do with the quality of the sex, it was more about respect/kink/other shit.

Taking 9”+ hurts. Some people are masochists and like that, but istg dick complexes are ridiculous.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Man I hate it when I'm around someone with a istg dick complex.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 week ago (1 children)

“I swear to god” - for emphasis because it’s such an obnoxious thing.

If I could afford a phalloplasty, I’d go for 5” and be delighted with it.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Oooohhh. I thought you had somehow completely flubbed typing the word "big", or something like that.

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago

myers brigg dick energy

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Lol. Lol.

There is a huge difference between 4inches and 7inches.

Sex is satisfying with any dick size and no dicks. Sex is not about the dick.

The biggest dicks I've ever had, were huge porn dicks (10" and 11") and they didn't hurt at all. Ps I'm a sadist/Domme, not a masochist. Everyone has different sized vaginas, and perhaps mine expands really well, but I actually have borderline TOO MUCH tightness per my OBGYN and accomodated them easy. That's because big dicks aren't as hard as the smaller ones and are usually spongey and squishy which feels way different during sex than taking the hardness equivalent of a glass dildo at the same size.

My two favorite dicks (based on sexual physical sensation) were 4.5" and the 10" one named above. Smaller guy just stroked it perfectly and I came so fast with him, I think we just had very good compatibility in what positions felt nice and his dick was a perfect size to reach everything. The 10" guy was nice bc he was still able to stay hard (unlike 11" guy who needed a ring and still got soft, but his dick was also WAY bigger around, like soda can sized) and his dick had a perfect sponginess+width to it that my lips gripped, it was super super good.

Many women like cervical orgasms and full penetration, the vagina has nerves along the entire length.

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Something can be ancient and still valid today.

We're still using many Roman bridges.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

forms penis into Roman bridge

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago

Eh. Having a huge dick isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Big dicks tend not to get hard and flop around.

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[–] [email protected] 83 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I cast a spell to make them titties just bounce

I speak in a language only wizards can pronounce

Gimme my spells, gimme my book, gimme my cauldron and something to cook

I'm a crazy ass wizard, I ain't going to die, trust me on that, many have tried

[–] [email protected] 40 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Spell activates, but all men in a 10 km radius get instant double D cups.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

:3

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago

Yes, but the best we can do is the project catnip ears that are clipped, indicating you are spayed or neutered.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago

Chalice with that potion that sets in motion the erosion of reason for commotion like fire in a ball where you dance not slow but real low unlike damage 5d6 to the liver but got an organ grow lotion see so I'm good G.

[–] [email protected] 38 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Ok, I'm gonna need an Oglaf version of this.

[–] SapientLasagna 7 points 1 week ago

Best I can do is SMBC

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Why have I seen this joke 500 times in the last 2 weeks in meme format and in shorts format and multiple languages?

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 week ago (5 children)

we (men) are trying to get back in the coven's good graces so they can help us with the source of all human misery (dick too small)

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago

The source of all human misery? Oh man, as if I didn't feel the pressure enough already...

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 week ago (1 children)

The same people that looked for "witches" in search of remedies and formulas for things like erectile dysfunction, penis enlargement, love formulas, and all kinds of related stuff were often the same ones shouting "burn the witch" and wanting them dead. Never underestimate human hypocrisy.

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 week ago (2 children)

is this real?

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 week ago (2 children)

No, this is just fanta-sea 🎶

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Caught in a landslide 🎤🎶

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 week ago (2 children)

no escape from big wee-wee

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Easy cum, easy go

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Damn big wee-wee! They're putting Cum-trails in the sky! To turn everyone gay!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago

Cum-trails. Now that is an image straight from the 5g chip in my brain xD

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (4 children)

I tracked down the source to simplysilly but am unable to go further due to not having an instagram account.

So far doesn't seem AI. I certify it "likely real."

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Unless it's Ancient Greece! There, if you had a massive dong they'd call you a stupid barbarian.

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Women in tall hats used to brew beer - which makes your penis feel bigger - in a cauldron at markets, but then men wanted to brew beer so they drove the women out and the image became part of the iconography of witchcraft.

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago (4 children)

It would not be a solution in ancient Greece/Rome, where a small penis was part of the beauty standard.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago

If the people will not love her, they can fear her.

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago

I know this spell too ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

This was why they didn't burn witches in Africa. /joke

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Some tribes across Africa were known for hunting, killing, and eating women they deemed witches. I couldn't find a source, but I remember reading about it. I think the last recorded successful hunt occured in the 90's.

I did however find this a 2008 article written by the guardian, that talks about the sell and use of albinos in Tanzania. It has absolutely nothing to do with my original point, just thought it was interesting and very fucked up.

[–] vithigar 10 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

A friend of mine is albino and turned down a job offer in South Africa around that time. The thought of even being on the same continent with that going on made him profoundly uncomfortable.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago

Seems wise

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago

You appear to have missed the /joke tag.

Let me explain it to you, African males on average have the largest penis sizes compared to other ethnicities. The humour therein implies witchcraft could be responsible.

This is all clearly irreverent stupidity and need not have disclaimers because even if a person were stupid enough to believe that: it was properly tagged as a joke.

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