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I feel defeated and hopeless (lemmy.blahaj.zone)

submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

13 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I know ive made post like this before, but I really do feel pretty defeated, I just dont look anything like my selfies to others, I look pretty awful to be honest, I weight 200 lbs and its been a struggle to loose weight, I know the solution is to see a dietation, and only stock my home with healthy foods and go to the gym maybe but the truth is I can't really afford that and I dont feel like I can really cook until I move since my mom is kinda defensive over the kitchen. Ive struggled with binge for a while and I just look at photos other people take me and want go vomit, I look so awful. I look like zero months hrt dispite a bit over two years of hrt. My selfies only look okay cause of angles. People have also tried to convince my male fat will redistribute but I know that isn't true and that it will stay until I get rid of it. Also I apologize for the grammer in this post, I'm writing this as I'm about to mentally explode.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I know the solution is to see a dietation, and only stock my home with healthy foods and go to the gym maybe but the truth is I can't really afford that

You don't need a dietician to do the second part and you don't need a gym membership to work out.

I was 210 pounds a few months ago. Now I'm 190 pounds. All I've changed is eating less fast food. If you're otherwise healthy it really is as simple as reducing calories.

If your mom is otherwise supportive, you should just tell her that you need to change your diet, both for your physical and mental health. If she doesn't respect that, you should, if it's safe, apply pressure.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I feel like its more of paranoia than anything, I'm 21 I can cook for myself just she kinda worries a ton about basic thing like fires lmao. To be fair another problem is I haven't exactly had many ideas for low calories meals. It might get better once I can drive myself to get things.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

This is basically where I'm at, like, Mom and I wanna change diets and its medically necessary for her and simply healthier for me, but I am given more of the work. Shopping at the store myself can be helpful, but she mostly buys what we need. We have like a dozen cookbooks about eating more greens and beans or "healthier". We have three slow-cookers. I know I could fill them up but she does most of the cooking... I'm just being asked to do so many things. I hate the gym, btw. I don't like walking at the park either but I've never had an issue. People who walk at a local park nowadays are friendly or at least kind.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I understand, I've been on a diet for five years doing lightweight gymnastics, but I still have fat hips and fat belly. Genetic heredity and excess skin, I can't do anything else but surgically spend huge sums of money. That's why the world is obsessed with the formula of "you have to accept who you are", because ultimately everyone knows they can't change.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You know that like none of the photos you see online are accurate right? Like they are all so filtered and edited you would never recognize the person irl.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

My selfies just look too good to be true cause they are and it hurts when I get reality checked by a photo a family member takes of me. It hurts me a ton.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

I think that family member took shitty angle phone camera photo of you, and it is unflattering yeah. Not even artistically good: bad composition, sharp contrast, no details. Its a bad photo.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I feel I can almost guarantee you look a lot better in everybody else's eyes than you feel yourself. My mtf girlfriend constantly thinks about herself the same way you do, yet I know for a fact that not a single person who's met her thinks she's anything but a gorgeous, pretty girl - regardless of whether they know she's trans. I know saying "don't be so hard on yourself, nobody else thinks of you like this" probably doesn't help because it usually doesn't for my partner, but it's still true.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

I look okay in selfies, but in photos other people take of me I look like a different person, example here

1st photo, a not perfect but generally okay selfie in my book

https://imgur.com/a/AJvseNr

2nd Photo, a photo taken by family, a photo I hate.

https://imgur.com/a/EioFHIN

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Aw, I think you are being too hard on yourself. The second photo is classic family photo layout (weird lighting, standing against a wall). But even in that one you have a cute face and really nice hair. You look like a perfectly nice person I would talk to at an event. :)

Losing weight is hard and takes time. And we all come in different sizes and shapes. I've been trying to focus on being healthy instead and reframe my mindset. Like, I'm going to take a walk or move every day because that is a really kind thing to do for my mental health and body versus I'm so fat and I need to suffer because I ate calories. Or, I'm going to learn some new recipes because I love my guts and want to give them nutrition. I don't know. It's not magic, but I think it's helping. Maybe worth a try.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Yeah your right it is hard. I guess I am always worried I am gonna miss out on progress.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

I hear you. I read atomic habits a few years ago (not a plug, but I think it's a good book), and the author talked about building new habits and getting 1% better at something. And if you aim for that every day, it will compound over time to something much bigger. Some days you can take on the world. Other times showing up and doing one thing toward your goal is enough. As long as you are putting in the effort, that slow progress still counts (even if it feels frustratingly slow).

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Yeah nah you look great in both photos! Everybody can look better from certain angles over others, but trust me as a random outside observer you look good in both photos :)