this post was submitted on 21 Jun 2023
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So, hear me out.

I'm a 47 year old guy and I'm not ashamed to say that I enjoy video games. I always have, from playing Head over Heels on a Speccy +2 to ESO and Valorant on my self built PC.

Due to various life circumstances, I'm also on the dating scene and to most women I meet, around my age, video games are anathema. When I say that I like them it's usually meet with an "oh dear" or a "my son would probably love to talk to you about them, I find them really boring"

I have two boys, both teenagers, both play all the time and sometimes we all play together (although they are better as they have more time to apply to games). Their friends are amazed that I will talk about games with them, that I know someone about games and that I play games. None of their parents want to talk with them about what is effectively their main hobby that they do all the time (big sad).

So the question, there must be some sort of cut off age at which video games are no longer an acceptable pastime. Is it absolute age based (nothing after 35) or is it something to do with the progression of games into popular culture and people born after, say, 1986 will not see it as unacceptable?

I don't have an answer, I just think it's an interesting question. Thanks for reading, let me know what you think!

Edit to add: I'm not planning on stopping through peer pressure, just wondering about the phenomenon!

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago

I am almost 40 also, and game alot. One thing to remember that our generation is the first to actually game their whole life, nes etc made gaming popular.

Older generations haven't had mainstream gaming, so it is wierd to think people born in 50-60 to game, because games didn't exist when they were young. We on the other hand have grown with the games.

So I think from ten year on, it will be normal to have LAN parties in your elderly home.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago

I don't think there is a cutoff.

My 80yo grandfather still pulls out the gamecube to play Mario Kart (and for a long time noone else could beat him). My grandmother before she passed was not really big on video games but would play one specific level of crash bandicoot over and over again.

My 45~yo mother streams minecraft in her free time and is even looking to start up a YouTube channel with more content. Some of her viewers are close to her age and when she was playing more Counter Strike than Minecraft the server she played on had adults of all ages on it.

I'm getting closer to 30 every year and I can't see myself ever quitting games. If/when I marry I imagine playing games will just be part of family bonding. I may get worse as I age like my grandfather but I doubt I'll ever stop.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago

Hmm I don't think there is a cutoff necessarily but it doesn't surprise me many people currently in their late 40s wouldn't be much into them. I'm a 37/F myself and most of my friends play video games, but then again I'm part of a crowd of childless nerdy types. I guess it all just depends on the type of person you're hanging out with and what their lifestyle is all about. Women who play video games and are currently in their late 40s probably live a more alternative lifestyle in general.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

Stealing my old comment from the place that shall not be named in response to a similar question asked there by someone in a comparable situation to share here due to relevancy - A person had replied to the OP question declaring that "women didn't respect men's hobbies" so I said :


Perhaps there is a more useful way to frame things…

How about instead :

“It’s somewhat common for people with some level of disfunction within their intimate relationships to be okay living their entire lives with a partner essentially dictating what is ‘acceptable’ in their lives together in such a way that is uncompromising for said other partner - who then feels like they are not deserving of the things that make them happy. This is unhealthy as it builds resentment and encourages dishonesty and ‘going around’ set boundaries only really agreed upon by one party.”

The takeaway should not be : “Women have no respect for men’s hobbies.”

There are plenty of women who love games, and plenty of men who don’t.

The takeaway should be : “Partners in an intimate relationship should have enough love and respect for one another that they can truly find middle ground with issues they disagree on - while at the same time trying to better empathize, communicate, and enrich each others’ lives. If you and your partner disagree on where gaming should be as an aspect of your personal hobbies and interests, a reasonable compromise should be discussed.”

I am a guy at the same age. My spouse doesn’t really game much… but we have our video games in the living room, as that allows me to enjoy our home theater setup for single player type and online multiplayer gaming between my fellow parent gamers and myself, while also allowing us as a family to play certain games like Mario Kart and Castle Crashers together across seating that is comfortable and roomy.

My partner loves me and wants me to be happy. And I want them to be happy. If you aren’t happy with the arrangement currently set… talk about it. If they can’t meet you in the middle… then decide if it’s worth it to continue discussing it or not and go forward.

Really that’s a foundational aspect of healthy relationships… communication, respect, and a hope that you help make the other happy and feel supported.

A relationship without that foundation will likely eventually fail.

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago (4 children)

Posts like this remind me of the Twilight Zone episode Time Enough At Last, in which a man who loves to read gets knocked out and wakes up after the world has been devastated by hydrogen bombs. The entire episode leading up to this had most of the characters chastising the protagonist for being a "reader," who spends all of his time reading "doggerel" such as, wait for it, David Copperfield. Perhaps this was a genuine attitude held, if perhaps not as extremely, by people in the early or middle parts of the 20th century before television was truly ubiquitous, who looked at reading as frivolous or immature entertainment. But my point is that you're facing a cultural attitude that will probably shift more and more in favor of inclusiveness as time goes on. Almost all women in their 30s that I know either play video games themselves or just uncritically accept that other people play video games for fun. I can see why women in their 40s might be less amenable to it. I don't have anything to add other than that you're both ahead of the curve and a victim of the times.

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

I'm a 47 year old guy and I'm not ashamed to say that I enjoy video games. I always have, from playing Head over Heels on a Speccy +2 to ESO and Valorant on my self built PC.

I'm 51. I have house, wife, two kids and I run my own company. I could never, ever think about stop gaming. I've been doing this since the 80s. It's my hobby and my way to socialize and wind-down. It is my go-to when I need to get my mind off things. I'd be a literal wreck without it. I'm not ashamed of it and I will talk about it with anyone curious. Just like they might talk about sailing boats or golf trips. No difference.

Due to various life circumstances, I'm also on the dating scene and to most women I meet, around my age, video games are anathema. When I say that I like them it's usually meet with an "oh dear" or a "my son would probably love to talk to you about them, I find them really boring"

That is a really shitty and demeaning way to speak to someone. What the actual fuck? Very rude.
Have you ever tried to tell them that insulting someones hobbies isn't the best way to go about meeting people?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago (3 children)

No cutoff. I'm also in my 40s. When we get put in the retirement homes, we're going to have huge LAN parties again.

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago (1 children)

37 year old gamer here, time to start dating 20-somethings 😉

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Just be open about how much you enjoy games. You wouldnt want to get into a relationship with someone who dislikes your interests anyway, right? Think of it as a way to filter out people who arent compatible.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago

My dad told me repeatedly while I was growing up that I would "outgrow" video games. There were several times where I thought that this had come to pass. But time and time again I have found myself going back to video games. I'm now turning 29 and I still love playing video games.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago

I can totally see why back then, 40 years ago, they felt like it was discriminatory. It's like adding the word "Chinese" or "Russian" Infront of a product. Seeing that country name infront of product might reduce the amount of people that purchase the item. The initial feeling of discrimination can last for years, even if the word and the world outlook has moved on. It's not so easy to tell someone to forget it especially if you need to make money off of it for your livelihood. Of course some of those games are famous now a days, but if you had a rough start in your 20-30, you'll remember it for a long time.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago

I feel like the socially acceptable cutoff is around your first corporate job where I live. After that people will say you are a geek

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago

I am a paramedic and used to do some part-time work in nursing homes. In other words: I see a lot of old folks.

There is no age cut-off and anyone telling you there is one is simply gatekeeping/steering up drama.

I have seen an old WW2 fighter pilot who had a kick ass Sim Suite with multiple screen,etc. in his room (was in the early 2000 so still old heavy screens). Every evening an aide rolled him "in" his setup with his wheelchair and he "flew" for hours, either MSFS or various fighter games. (I feel really sorry for him that he died before the wave of really good milsim games came out).

I saw countless people with NES, SNES, PS1,PS2 etc.- just because their body was failing them their mind wasn't. While motor control is an issue we nowadays have much better alternatives for these cases.

And we have overwhelming scientific evidence that gaming does keep your finemotric up to date and decreases some challenges of aging. And online gaming has been proven to reduce loneliness in older people - which is a problem especially older men face.

I know,you are not nearly that old as the people in my examples. But they played since the 80ies.

So why shouldn't you?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago

My wife and I met 8 years ago playing Dota 2. Now our friend group is all late 20s early 30s, and we mostly play pve games like Darktide a couple times a week, but when we can we also meet up for tabletops. We will definitely continue playing games since we enjoy them. My in-laws just retired and they have gotten really into pokemon go. My mom never really 'got' any game but now she's really into Lego and jigsaw puzzles. One of my friend's parents are also really into tabletops and will sometimes join us. It's super cool that you and your kids have a hobby that you share and bond over, and I hope to have that with my own child someday!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago

I think the older someone is the cooler they seem to me if I find out they game. It's why I like watching https://www.youtube.com/@Food4Dogs because its lot more interesting to get insight about gaming from people who are so much more knowledgeable and were around to actually experience lot of the progress and changes of technology over the years. And being open to new hobbies despite what their age group might say is something I respect.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago

The discussions about gaming (you're too old / it's for kids etc.) really shit me. If you want to talk about volume of screentime, that's perfectly reasonable. But if I chose to game instead of watch a movie / sports game / be on my phone, then that's my choice.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago

Don't know what to say that hasn't already been covered in five pages of comments, but don't date people who denigrate your hobbies. There's no "age cutoff" for enjoying the things you enjoy. You don't just stop enjoying things after a certain arbitrary age threshold.

The old view of adulthood as being a time of constant misery, struggle, and hardship, in which every moment of enjoyment you manage to claw from it is a moment stolen from the future, which will be replaced by further misery, is fucking stupid. Do what makes you happy, and ditch the Karens.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago

Def no acceptable age as in videogames are great for any age.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago

So our discord regularly has friends and family in the age range from 17-59 currently who all game and socialise together. I don't think there is a limit.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago

I'm early gen Z and will continue gaming when I get older definitely. It's just a generational thing I think,

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago

There is zero age cutoff. Absolutely none.

I think what you are experiencing is a generational cut off, from people born before certain time where video games hasn't permeated into pop culture long enough.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago

It's becoming more accepted. I have a few friends in their 40s who are the biggest gamers I know. You may be on the edge of what might be seen as an "acceptable " age, but it is very common for adults. I can see how dating might bring out the judgement in some people, but you shouldn't have to repress that part of yourself, especially since you do it with your kids. As it becomes more and more common many people won't stop doing something they loved doing their whole lives.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago

I feel like several things are intersecting here:

  1. PC gaming took off in the 90s. I'm not clear on the history of consoles but I'm wondering if they became widespread in the 80s? Having these devices at home probably created a larger generation of gamers.

  2. Gaming was "for boys" until very recently, and tbh the inclusion of women as the default audience for games is still a work in progress. Game protagonists are usually male, romance options usually assume the player is a straight man, even the quests and the way NPCs are written are colored by these assumptions.

  3. Video games have gotten so much more complex in a very short amount of time. The storylines are richer, the writing and visual effects have gotten signifixlcantly better. Someone who has only experienced early arcade games or clicker mobile games wouldn't see gaming in general as a worthy hobby for adults.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago

Do what you want. I'll play until I'm dead.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago
[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Close to 40 here and game is life.

If I meet someone new and they don't game I'm like "oh." and ask them politely, yet firmly to leave.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago

Harsh but fair

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Who’s making the micro-transaction gig profitable? 9 year olds? I’m willing to bet Epic games has netted about 1k from me since it’s initial release. I figure if I go out with friends I’m dropping 100.00 easily. If I stay in one night and spend 60.00 on vbucks I’m still saving 40 and I’m certainly not less entertained.

I’m 53, I’ll be playing games until the arthritis is too bad or I go blind.

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[–] dmickey 3 points 2 years ago

I'm mid thirties myself and games are what I grew up with and it's how I like to enjoy my storytelling. I think it's entirely lost on some people how different games are as a media. My SO and I have had chats about it and she understands that it's a whole different experience than a movie or tv and appreciates my enthusiasm for truly great games.

I can totally understand that some people just don't jive with games but I'm so grateful my SO tolerates my gaming even though she doesn't partake much herself.

I feel no pressure to stop so I don't see myself stopping gaming anytime soon. You just need to find the right one, they don't even need to like games, they just need to like you as a person.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago

Honestly I feel like anyone who doesn't play video games in 2023 is out of touch but that might just be my internet native speaking

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

IMO, physical ability to do so should be the only cutoff. No one should have to stop doing something they love just because society deems them too old.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago (2 children)

I'm over 40 and still game with my husband and kids. It's a normal part of our lives, and it's fairly limited when our kids (all 10 and under) are awake.

However, I have seen many, many posts over the years in various mom spaces about husbands and fathers putting gaming before their families. Coming home from work and going straight to the console 5 days a week. Using their paid time off to no life AAA releases while their wives had to use theirs on sick kids. Spending "his" money upgrading the gaming rig while putting the stay at home spouse or lower earner on a such a strict budget she couldn't afford clothes or haircuts. Exploding at their kids for being interrupted during online game sessions in the middle of the afternoon. These are extreme examples, but I've seen them all more than once. If that's the lived experience of the women you are meeting, I can see why you'd get an unenthusiastic response to the hobby.

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago

No age cut-off in my book. Play what you want at whatever age you want.

I will personally play video games until I am at an age where I am physically unable.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago

I am a 55 year old gamer, and I'll probably be gaming until I die. It's entirely up to you.

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