Fiivemacs

I've stopped caring. I need help. I'm going to go on a weird rant here, but it's how I talk when I'm super focused on something..like getting help. I'm going to try to cover as many faucets that I feel are broken as I can, so it's going to be long. I'm sorry.

I don't know when, but it's been a LONG time and it's affected my physically, mentally, emotionally. I know I have depression, I know I need to want to change. I know most of the psychiatrist things, well not true but I have a hard time siding with or following through with the..I don't know how to say it but like the feel good therapist talk? Follow this color wheel of emotion stuff kinda stuff..or write out your emotions in this diary.

I'm isolated, lonley, disconnected from everything, not eating, not drinking enough, vices are at an all time high, hygiene is non existent, house upkeep is basically non-existent, physical activity revolves around walking to the kitchen, basement/upstairs, to my office, and to bed where I spend more than 10+ hours laying there waiting for the day to be over so I can go to work as I enjoy it. I haven't seen my doctor in about 2 years or so and at that time I was prescribed some anti depression stuff, makes my heart explode. I need help. I don't know where to go, how to fix this or even see light on the other side.

I've made appointments with my doctor, but I always forget to go, or book the day off. Even with alarms and whatnot. I'm horrid with keeping scheduled things that aren't immediate. Doctor's visits are like 8 months+ before I get a date.

I've disconnected myself from everything. I try to communicate with my son, but he lives too far and I never seem him. I'm horrid at texting people in that if it's out of sight out of mind. I never just text and forget to text. If it's not constant communication, I forgot. If it's constant, I will be there and be a part. But once it gets quiet again, I ever check it. My mom, brothers, same thing. Friends, same thing. I don't buy/Subscribe/consume anything, literally nothing but food and stuff for my dog and cat. I'm like a hermit.

This part bugs me..I can go months without anyone so much as looking at me. It's like I don't exist. No calls or messages from friends, family (unless I didn't pay a bill or something). No birthdays, no one's said Merry Christmas to me or even happy new year yet. I get no acknowledgement from anyone unless they want something from me which I'll always do because I like doings things for others. No one acknowledges societal things with me and it hurts. A lot.

I have no energy. I sleep/lay down from about 6ish until 10pm, eat, then lay down. I get up periodically to put the dog out or take her to the park for offleash but that's it. I'm in bed or working. I'm on a steroid which is supposed to give me energy but yeah...doesn't do it (anymore)

I eat like trash. This obviously doesn't help. I will go 36 hours on coffee and bananas, then consume some fast food. I'm overweight but not crazy bad. 6ft235. I'm dehydrated from drinking a glass of water maybe...every week? Maybe 2. It's mostly coffee and milk.

I don't clean my house, I can't throw things away. I have a couch that's got destroyed cushions from dog as a puppy, it just sits there. I don't even use the thing. Never have. I can't throw it out. Not don't want to, just can't be bothered? Crap is everywhere in the house. And I use none of it. 2 computers, and a bed. That's what I use.

Trust issues. I don't trust. My trust has been broken so bad which I suspect is the reason I don't consume. I don't trust products, or companies claims. I assume they will just break and I'll be stuck buying to replace forever. I can't bring myself to buy things that I don't trust which is another reason why I haven't bought a couch or new clothes.

In short, I've completely checked out from life and society as a whole, and Ive upset myself to the point where negative intrusive thoughts towards myself enter my head. I wouldn't ever act upon them, I'm more logical then that but they exist unwilling and I want them to stop. I need help, if anyone would be so kind as to point me in the right direction?

(I would have posted this in the seeking help or asklemmy sub but I was banned for something or other. Probably a bad day on my part. Regardless..step 1)

Or is saying legally/illegally a non needed word in most circumstances sinc th act of trespass is considered an illegal activity?

I've been loving empyrion lately and saw space engineers. Is it worth getting? Had concerns/reservations about the lack of AI and reasons to actually use the creations.

It's the most annoying thing. Much worse then Microsoft licenses. Find a product, sell it. Need to resell it again I'm 3 months? Get fucked...here's the exact same thing but they changed liquid to ultra, 128gb SSD to 256gb SSD..added 0.01inches and jacked the price up by 500$.. oh and they can't tell you what the product number is because that's too much power for the end user to know.

Can't stand this company or dealing with them. Such annoying robots. I force all my clients to order anything BUT apple crap.

Keep doing you though apple, makes it super easy to blame your company for when everything goes wrong.

I hope this helps someone not be frustrated with Google's changes to their searches by forcing AI to help you click links.

udm14 direct link

Or, add udm14.com to the end of your normal Google search.

Reference article

Go to settings and check off 'show actions bar by default for comments'

For some reason the default is to NOT show the reply button to individual comments resulting in you needing to long press the comment to unhide the reply button.

Is there any way to do this? I keep opening the reply thing while attempting to scroll, not sure if it's my phone being too sensitive or the way I swipe but it's driving me up the wall.

Is this something I can disable? Going to poke in settings to look as well

Edit: omg one of the first few options. Feels dumb. This is a non-issue and resolved.

Anyone else find it difficult? Ran it like 20 times and felt like I was just guessing. Ended up completing it because I got 3x revenants. Only evidence I ever got was UV foot prints, so no wraith and well uv ghosties.

I just don't like the big maps. Really hope the new horror 2.0 brings more small/medium maps

So I've eaten everything from sardines and toast to balut. I have never really found foods I don't enjoy, except for Indian food..and balut but that's a whole other story.

I find it's always the same, overkill on spices, sauce and rice. It's very unappealing to me for some reason. Almost seems very...lacking in textures, visuals and the flavors are typically just overpowering of cumin. Sometimes it's been fancy and I had sauce on rice, with a side of more sauces. There never seems to be substance to the foods but sauce and rice.

Granted I haven't explored too much with Indian food but it always looks the same to me. Saying just sauce might be a bit harsh, sometimes it more like stew because there's chunks of chicken or whatnot but it's always the same flavor.

Can you recommend something from Indian culture that isn't what I have described above?

Y'all wanna chill..