Am I the Asshole?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Financial-Break8716 on 2024-01-24 12:51:20+00:00.

So, here's the deal. My daughter Anna recently turned 18, and I've always had this rule that she shouldn't start dating until she reaches the age of 23. I know, some might think that's insane, but hear me out.

In our family, the tradition has usually been for women to start seeking marital partners around the age of 23. It's not just some arbitrary number; it's based on the belief that relationships formed before that age tend not to last. I come from a line of strong, committed marriages, and I want the same for my daughter.

I firmly believe that people who date at a younger age are often just looking for hookups and not long-lasting commitments. My goal for my daughter is for her to find a partner who has their life together, someone she can build a future with. It's not about restricting her freedom; it's about ensuring that she enters into a relationship for the right reasons.

Now, imagine my disappointment when I found out she had a secret boyfriend. I discovered this not through some confession or honesty on her part but by snooping through her phone. I stumbled upon text messages between her and her boyfriend that were inappropriate and went against the values I've tried to instill in her.

Not only did she break the rule, but she also hid it from me. That hurt. I had trusted her to respect our family values, and she went behind my back.

I had a serious talk with her, explaining my perspective on relationships and why I believe it's crucial for her to at least wait until she was 21. I want her to have a solid foundation before diving into the complexities of dating life. Unfortunately, she didn't see it the same way.

Given the breach of trust, I decided to take action. I've grounded her, taken away her car privileges and forced her to block her boyfriend as I wasn't going to allow her to see him no longer. It was not about punishment; it was about teaching her responsibility and the importance of honesty in our family.

However, my wife, who isn't Anna's biological mother just to put that out there as my late wife(Anna's real mom) sadly passed a few years ago, being more lenient, told me that I may be being too strict by taking away all of her privileges. She warned me that pushing her away with such harsh measures might not be the best approach.

It's left me conflicted. On one hand, I want to stick to my values and ensure she understands the gravity of her actions. On the other, I'm worried that my strictness might alienate her.

Am I being too harsh or am I justified in my actions?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/StatusDiver300 on 2024-01-24 11:17:22+00:00.

Throwaway because he knows my main

My (48f) husband (50m) and I have well paying but hectic jobs. Due to us being in higher positions, we are required a lot and taking holidays or vacations can be difficult. Last year we had matched our schedules and decided that we will be taking a short week off to enjoy a getaway in upcoming Valentine's week as it would be our 15th year together. Everything was planned and a lot of money was spent.

However all of this was pushed to the side 3 days back when my daughter (17f from my previous marriage) told us that she was pregnant. She absolutely did not want to keep the baby and was scared for her future. We both sat her down and talked about this and decided that she would be going through with an abortion as it is in her best interest. I set up medical appointments and check ups.

Yesterday my husband pulled me to the side and asked when "this mess would be over" so we could go on our trip. I told him the trip is not even in question anymore because I need to be here for my daughter and support her. This is a very sensitive time for her and I want to help her in every way possible because what else would a parent do?

After this my husband started getting angry saying I cannot cancel this trip as it is already planned and booked in advance, that the abortion stuff will be done by a week anyway and we can drop her off with her grandma and then leave, that she's old enough to take care of herself and should have been careful before "ruining everything". I got angry and yelled at him saying how insensitive he was to even think of doing something like that. I said that if he cared about the money that much then I would pay him back my share. Then he called me an asshole and has been giving me the silent treatment ever since. I just wanted to put this here and have an outsider perspective. AITA for cancelling this vacation and trying to do the right thing?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/wifeallowance on 2024-01-24 10:30:35+00:00.

I am on a trip to a country in Asia for work and left from the US.

My work was OK with me bringing my wife as long as I paid for her ticket so I thought I'd treat her to a trip. I paid for her ticket and left our 6 year old with a friend.

We were slightly rushed as we made it to the airport a little late and weren't sure about the lines at security.

Unfortunately for my wife once we crossed security, the heel on her boot broke. I don't know why but she insists on wearing heels everywhere and was all dressed up for this trip. Like not completely broken but would completely fold outward so she had to walk on tip toe.

Unfortunately there weren't too many shops and the shops we found was rather expensive.

Most of the women's shoes were weird looking but she liked one pair of heeled boots. However it was around $350 which while I could afford it, it didn't seem reasonable to me. We were already near the gate so I suggested looking again at our layover airport in Europe.

Unfortunately we had the same problem there, while there were more shops many of them were closed and the one open shop we found in out terminal had even more outrageous prices of around 400€.

Eventually I just told her to wait until we arrived and she changed her shoes when we picked our checked bags.

AITA here? She is a SAHM so she doesn't have her own money and after the cost of flights, and paying my friend to babysit we'd already spent more than usual. She seemed to handle it fine, just had to walk on tip toe and put less pressure on the broken heel and I carried the heavier cabin luggage. However she got upset with me after we arrived despite nit saying much during the trip.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Opposite_In_8918 on 2024-01-24 10:14:18+00:00.

My father is in his mid 70s, in declining health and has mobility issues. He walks at about half the speed of my mother, who is about the same age. He has trouble standing up after sitting for short periods and has physical ailments affecting his back and one of his feet. This is at least partly due to not doing any exercise for most of his life despite my occasional pestering (ironically he was a medical doctor before he retired).

My father recently inherited a large sum of money - the interest it earns in a high yield savings account each year is more than my annual salary (and my income is in the top 2-3% of US households). Even without the inheritance, he is well off with an 8-figure net worth and lives frugally.

He's taking a trip soon where he will be on a plane by himself. The flight will be 17+ hours one way and 15+ hours the other. I procured a business class ticket for him on miles in one direction, and we got into an argument over the ticket for the other direction. Business gives him a better seat, more space, and a bed to sleep on during the long flight.

He refuses to buy a business ticket the other way because it's too expensive. I don't disagree with him that a business ticket is extremely expensive, but I believe he's at the stage where that kind of money simply doesn't matter, and his health matters more. He's in a privileged position where the added cost of the business ticket simply doesn't matter. He could lose $100K in a ditch and his life wouldn't change one single bit.

His reasoning in his words: "I was brought up in a different era and from young I was taught to be thrifty by my mother. Changing long standing habits is a challenging process and try as I may, I cannot bring myself to spend over $10000 on a single ticket". He normally complains about his health issues but now is saying that his health isn't that bad & 17 hrs in economy was fine.

I think he lacks perspective and he's a hypocrite about money (he doesn't manage his money at all and put the inheritance in a bank account that earned almost no interest for 6 months until I found out and did the work of opening a new high interest account and moving the money into it for him, my mother manages all their other finances). He raised me to work hard but I don't know what the point is if you can't also enjoy the fruits of your labor. He says I'll inherit the money when he dies so I should be happy he's not spending it, but I always told him that I'd honestly be happier if he spent the money on taking care of himself and enjoying life.

Also, I'm an only child living abroad with my family and I'm increasingly resentful that he doesn't take care of himself. When he inevitably runs into serious health issues, I'm going to have to deal with it.

After a heated argument on the phone, I got angry and gave him an ultimatum that if he flew economy, he could do it both ways and if he ran into any health problems on his trip he was on his own and I wasn't going to help. AITA?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ThrowRA_burnthehouse on 2024-01-24 08:36:37+00:00.

This month my husband (m45) and I(f32) live in a temporary appartment an hour from the city we otherwise live in. This is due to renovations in our home. This is stressing my husband out, and he also got a new job.

When we live at home I can leave for work later than him, so we don't have to share the bathroom in the morning. But due to the longer comute we are up at the same time.

So my husband have been taking some medication for around half a year and it sometimes make him throw up in the morning. I'm doing my best not to block the bathroom. And if he knock i will leave the bathroom at once.

This morning i planed using the bathroom for 15 minutes to take a bath and do my makeup. It's important to my husband that he can use the bathroom both before and after me. He would have had 15 minutes after me, and he went before.

When I had used the bathroom for 12 minutes he knocks. I leave at once, and grab my makeup and finish it in the living room. When he got out, he firmly asked me if we could make an arrangement that he get the last 10 minuts, before we leave. He said he did not think it was a huge ask. And he asked again if that would be okay. I was kind of pissed, because I felt like he did not consider that I already did that. And he was just angry because he had just thrown up.

Here i might be TA. I told him, he got the last 18 minutes. And that if he needed it earlier he could have just knocked. Then he became more annoyed and said if he could just have the last 10 minuts, it would be fine. I yelled at him, because he wasn't listening and told him, I could not just give him the last 10 minutes before we leave because it don't solve anything when he actually need 20 minutes. And that he can have as long as he fucking likes, i just need to know that it's 20 minutes and not 10, so I can get up earlier.

He got really angry and cried and hit the wall. And told me he did not know why i would pick a fight with him in the morning when he wasn't feeling well and he was stressed out by work and the temp appartment.

I could have just said okay, when he asked for the agreement for the last 10 minuts. I just feelt like he did not recognise that i already do all that I can to accommodate his needs. But it would certainly have been better if we did not fight. I don't want to fight. I just want us to get along.

AITH?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/WeeklySize5859 on 2024-01-24 07:52:19+00:00.

Hi all,

I think the title tells it straight but here is the scenario. I (29 F) have a best friend (29 F) and she has fallen head over heels for a married man. The man has been married to my best friend’s friend for a number of years. Let’s call the husband Dale, his wife and friend to my best friend Cindy, and my friend Debbie.

From the sounds of everything Cindy and Dale have a bad relationship. Cindy has a child from a previous relationship and two kids with Dale.

Cindy and Debbie have know one another about as long as I’ve known Debbie maybe give or take a couple years. I’ve known Debbie since 7th grade.

So where I might be the A-hole, Dale is now leaving Cindy. He’s moved in with family and stated he wants a divorce. They seemed to be heading here with or without the cheating; so what is it my business? Cindy is losing her mind and in bad shape. She has her suspicions about Dale cheating. Telling her it’s her friend, my best friend, will not only wreck her further but hurt my friendship. Lastly, my best friend Debbie long ago had participated in telling my high school boyfriend something that played into ending our relationship.

Myself and high school boyfriend had a long distance relationship for a year. We had an argument one night and broke up. I went out with friends and hooked up with someone. By the next day or two days later, my boyfriend and I had gotten back together. I felt I had cheated but never told that then boyfriend. I moved back, we had a good relationship but I had to leave again. The day I was leaving Debbie went to tell my high school boyfriend I cheated “on principle”.

I add this in because If I tell Cindy about Dale and Debbie, is this just spiteful?

I don’t know Cindy or have any investment in really what is going on other than being deeply bothered by seeing my best friend do this to another woman, family and some she calls a friend.

So, WIBTA if I told Cindy her husband cheated on her with my best friend Debbie? Or do I stay out of the hot mess express and spare myself the insanity to ensue?

TIA

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/piinkglitterlicious on 2024-01-24 04:14:22+00:00.

I am 19f and my boyfriend is 22m. We’ve been dating for 3 years. I still live with my parents and am in my second year of college. He lives with his brother and his wife in a 3 bedroom apartment and pays $600 when the rent is $1250. Idk how much they pay in utilities and stuff. I’m at his apartment a lot, maybe 3-4 days a week and I spend the night 1-2 times a week. Sometimes I’m only there for a few hours. We stay in his room and only use the kitchen sometimes and clean everything up afterwards. Both of them work a lot and are rarely home. They have their own bedroom and my boyfriends brother has a game room.

Anyways they told my boyfriend I needed to pay rent or stop coming over all the time. My boyfriend doesn’t think this is fair because he already pays almost half the rent and but dad agrees that it’s unfair for me to be in their home all the time. I’m kind of conflicted because my boyfriend pays more than a third of the bills and we don’t bother them one bit. I have a job but I’m paying for school and a car and stuff so I don’t have a lot of extra money. So Reddit aita??

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/BrodieHeroGamer on 2024-01-24 04:08:54+00:00.

I am 15 years old.

My parents do not let me out of the house on my own without adult supervision

I am not allowed to stay up past 9:00 PM

I can't stay home alone without an adult in the house.

I think that this is unreasonable, but every time I try to explain this to my parents, they say that I should be grateful that I have a roof over my head. I understand that, but I still think I should be able to stay home without an adult and go out on my own.

AITA?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Burneraccount3554 on 2024-01-24 02:05:58+00:00.

I (48F) met my husband (51M) 5 years ago, and we got married 2 years ago. Pretty early on in our relationship, he told me that he had 2 daughters with his ex-wife who are now 15 and 22, and were 11 and 18 when I met them. While he was telling me about them he mentioned that after he and his ex-wife split up, his older daughter Chelsea (Not her real name) blamed him and still does. I didn’t think much of it at the time and didn’t end up meeting either of them until a year later.

The first time I met Chelsea was during a 4th of July party with my husband, both his daughters, his ex-wife and her husband and various friends. By that point I had already met my younger step daughter a few times and she and I actually hit it off pretty well. However Chelsea seemed upset and kept her distance from me the whole party, and when I tried to introduce myself or even talk to her she gave me very short answers, before going into the house (it was at her mother’s house) for the rest of the night.

That is essentially how our entire relationship has been. I’ve known her for 4 years and in that time I don’t think I’ve had one friendly conversation with her, nor have I seen her have a nice conversation with my husband. Every time that my husband or I try to reach out to her to try to spend time or even talk to her, she’ll blow us off or directly tell us she doesn’t want to see us, and she has never spent any individual time with us. By which I mean she’s only around in group settings like parties and family events, etc and even then she’s very cold and distant towards both of us.

When my husband and I got engaged, I called both Chelsea and her sister to tell them, and all Chelsea said was congratulations and then not to expect to see her at the wedding before hanging up. She ended up not attending the wedding at all.

The straw that broke the camel’s back, however, was a few days ago when she walked by while I was on facetime with my husband’s younger daughter. I called her over and asked her about her graduation (she’s graduating from college this May). She once again blew me off and told me not to worry about it, and when I told her that my husband and I would be there she said she already knew who she was giving tickets to and that it wasn’t either of us.

I snapped and told her she was being ridiculous and acting like a child and that her parents’ divorce was 14 years ago and she needs to get over it. She told me that she was over the divorce but that she’ll never get over her “father being a piece of shit” (her exact words). I was honestly speechless and she hung up the facetime before I could respond.

My husband got a text from his ex-wife that night, telling him that if he wants to have a relationship with his younger daughter he needs to leave Chelsea alone and tell me to as well. My husband told me Chelsea has been this way towards him since she was 9, and we're not sure what to do and it would be helpful to get some outside perspective. AITA?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Low_Vegetable4156 on 2024-01-24 00:31:14+00:00.

I live in a dorm room with no roommates, but am surrounded by neighbors on both sides. I tend to watch a fair amount of TV, which I've always tried to keep to a low volume level, as I'm naturally very conscious of those around me and try hard to place others' comfort before my own. In fact, my volume tends to be so low that I actually need subtitles to help me understand the words from across the room. Additionally, I have very good hearing, so I think my notion of acceptable noise levels is accurate.

Well, a couple months back, my RA texted me about receiving a noise complaint in regards to a movie I was watching. I'll admit, this time the volume was SLIGHTLY higher than I usually have it, but I would still say it was far from blaring or even really being loud at all (just high enough that I didn’t need the subtitles). Regardless though, I felt so bad that I just turned my movie off in the middle of it to make certain I wouldn’t be a bother, and I've since made an even greater effort to keep my volume down—I think—extremely low.

I'd assumed the girl who made the complaint was the one who lives in the room opposite the wall right where my TV is placed, as I'd have guessed—perhaps due to the thin walls of the dorm room—the volume might sound louder to her than it did to me sitting on the opposite side of the room.

However, this morning, I received multiple knocks on my door at about 8:30 AM. To my surprise, it was my neighbor across the wall on the OPPOSITE side of the TV—further away even than my own location when watching TV. She was pretty sweet, but—in my opinion—harped too long on the fact that she “hears what I’m playing ALL THE TIME” and that it's very disruptive to her studying.

I told her repeatedly that I was very sorry, and she was kind about it, but I've spent the day feeling somewhat frustrated by her complaint. I feel like I'm now unable to relax in my own room, as I can’t fathom how I could watch or listen to anything at any volume level that would be acceptable to her, and my ears don’t tolerate earbuds or headphones well, so it would be an added layer of annoyance for me to have to use them within the confines of my own walls.

I was also told by a friend a while back that this neighbor has a bad hearing sensitivity, which could explain why she's able to hear these noises which I think are extremely minimal. I feel bad that I’m being a disruption even after all my effort not to be, but I feel she could’ve been a bit nicer about it, or at least recognized the fact that it's likely (or at least potentially) her fault—due to her hearing sensitivity—that she's having problems, and not mine. I've lived in this dorm for three years and have never received any other complaints, so I just would have appreciated some more grace and not so much blame for the situation. AITA, or am I right to be a bit frustrated and to feel like I am being unfairly criticized in this situation?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/hakealong on 2024-01-23 23:52:16+00:00.

My (M19) brother (M15) lives with his foster parents, Gail (F, 50s) and George (M, mid 50s). He's been living with them for the past ten years, they've even gotten to the point where they want to adopt him before he legally becomes an adult, but it's been a struggle.

I do see him occasionally, although usually the time we spend together is overlooked by Gail. She is overprotective of Gene to a fault, she acts as though he is five, not fifteen. They just don't seem to understand that he is a teenager now, not a child who needs to be forced into conforming to their useless rules.

He isn't allowed to dictate what he looks like, I once bought him a band t-shirt that he asked for, and apparently it was confiscated for being 'inappropriate.' - it was a The Smiths t-shirt. Any sort of 'alternative' aesthetic he tries to go for is shut down. He's not allowed to stay out with his friends past 8pm, and Gail seems to think that our relationship is unhealthy because we hug each other, and because he once fell asleep with his head on my lap.

It was his birthday recently, I took him up to Manchester for it. At one point, we ended up going into Affleck's, and at the back of one of the shops is a piercing studio. As I had a fair bit of money on myself, I offered to pay for him to get a piercing - he ended up getting his lip done. We even bought him a clear retainer for when he has to go to school.

His parents were not pleased however, and Gene texted me about them getting very upset over it. Last time I came over to their place to see Gene, they started berating me for not asking their permission beforehand, saying that if he got an infection his placement could've been jeopardised, and that I had no right to make that call on allowing him to modify his body.

Personally, I saw nothing wrong with it, I mean he's old enough to decide if he wants a removable piece of metal in his face or not. But now, I am curious what other people would think.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Top-Squash2734 on 2024-01-23 23:24:15+00:00.

Just as me and my dad were leaving to go food shopping (so no need to be somewhere at a specific time) and had pulled out the driveway, we saw a dog that was running back and forth across the street and into random driveways. It looked like someone's pet that had runaway and was just going a bit crazy being loose. We were on our street and there were no other people or cars at that moment so I couldn't see a potential owner. I said we should stop and my dad said no. I said what if he gets hit by a car, and my dad said someone else will find it first.

I'm so frustrated that he didn't stop, even if just for a few minutes to keep an eye on the dog and see if an owner came into view (maybe they were just out of sight I don't know) and we could either let them know. I didn't expect him to get out the car, or put the dog in his car, or take it home with us. I literally just wanted to stop a few minutes to keep an eye on the dog and a lookout for the owner and if no one appeared I could call an animal service/stray service and maybe take a picture to post in the local towns Facebook group. Just done something!

I'm so angry that he just didn't care about someone else's pet and the danger it was in and stopping for even a few minutes. He was just so blasé about it. Am I right for being so angry about it and calling him out for not even stopping or is it not my place to be angry, as obviously he can do what he wants so I don't know if I should've expected him to stop? AITA?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Desperate_Door9186 on 2024-01-23 22:03:04+00:00.

Hi I (26F) & Husband(30) have been together for over 3 years but over the duration of our time, you can I say I ended up with a hardworking man who always try’s to the provide for everyone, include outside of family . We have fights about it in the past but recently his mom been dating this guy for while . They bought a new car together and have moved in together . The guy is pretty well set off , however whenever anything she needs new or needs, she’s runs to my husband. So eventually her phone hasn’t been working, and he feels the need to buy her a new phone knowing there are total of 2 other siblings that can help out as well. All who make 6 figured salary but lately we have been tight on money and with a our first baby on the way, I don’t find it fair , knowing we still have things to buy & I am on maternity leave. Am I the asshole for wanting to tell my husband he should not need to buy his mom a new phone and that it’s better she tells her boyfriend to buy it for her , since they have already moved in together and bought a luxury car together , what makes it different that he needs too?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/SusieQu1885 on 2024-01-23 20:41:15+00:00.

I have a very stressful job with long hours and a horrible boss. Over the last couple of years, there hasn’t been new employees because they find that the work load is demanding. My boss also likes to play favorites with some of my co workers, so she offers more opportunities to them like going to workshops and conferences. I’m pretty much burnt out at this point, because even though I believe I’m a good worker, I refuse to do extra work on my free time. I don’t want to quit because I have a stable contract which took years to achieve and I’ve already explored the rest of my field for 2 years and it’s not that great out there. I’m almost up to getting tenure this year, so after 6 years, it has to mean something. I’m often given the worst shifts, the most hours, and the worst stations- I’ve complained about it and often go ignored or yelled at. Anyways; this year 3 co workers have decided to get pregnant at the same time and since I’m in Europe it means they get a sghit ton of maternity leave and special time off (here you can get up to a year off depending on where you work, you can literally milk the system and even work part time until the kid is 18). This means more work load for me who is childless, so my life is pretty much meaningless as compared to people with children. Then somebody just retired today after working for over 35 years, but she did mention this over a year ago that her time was up; my boss knew this. Now we were also blindsided coming into 2024 because a co worker’s kid got diagnosed with leukemia, so this means she has to take 2 years off to take care of her kid (this is horrible and I’m praying for her)- so we are basically short staffed, older staff members have to put in a lot of hours when it’s technically illegal after turning 50 years old to work night shifts, but they are left with no choice. People with no children like myself have to pick up the slack. And yet, they include me in this group chat for the co workers baby showers- I left the group chats and refuse to contribute a damm cent, because I shouldn’t have to celebrate the fact that your life’s decisions is affecting mine, so I’m being very salty about it. I can only feel happy if a friend or family member gets pregnant, not a frigking co worker- Anyways, am I an evil person for not participating in these celebrations?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/WlTCH on 2024-01-23 20:19:15+00:00.

I (M28) rent an apartment with 2 other people (F24)(F32). The apartment has a parking space that so far we've rented out to another person since none of us has a car and we use the money to pay for Internet.

Recently, M (F32) has decided to bring her car from her hometown and asked me to stop "lending" it out, somehow misrepresenting the fact that we're renting it. I cleared up the situation and asked her to pay the same amount, but she refuses.

AITA for asking her to pay to use it, or leave it as it is, and she's free to move out if she wishes?

I'm the only one in the lease, I have permission to sublet the other two rooms.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Kitoperi on 2024-01-23 18:04:22+00:00.

basically my boyfriend is in mekka doing his pilgrimage and he has the option emphasize OPTION to shave his hair bald for pahala. HOWEVER, i dont think he should do it NOT because i have a problem with bald ppl (even if he was bald i would love him the same) but because i know he has issues with his confidence.

my boyfriend is dead set on shaving his head. id like to add some context that he is NOT a religious man. he has religious parents and grew up surrounded by religion, and despite still having respect for religious practices, does not actively practice and in fact goes out of his way to AVOID practicing.

he believes that him going bald will be a “fresh start” however, i am not sure if thats what he wants. if it weren’t for his previous issues with confidence then i would 100% support him. however, i really do believe that this could be a problem in the future.

so far i have not said any direct opposition to his decision to cut his hair bald. but would i be the asshole if i did?

extra context:

• we come from an islam-majority country, i am christian he is a muslim
• ⁠i am not religious and dont believe in god but i still like to go to church for the vibes
• ⁠he drinks alcohol and eats pork and doesnt shalat 5 times a day not even on friday so yea he is not religious
• ⁠he is there with his parents to help them out

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/genderfluid3 on 2024-01-23 17:35:14+00:00.

I (F20) am getting married to my (M20) fiancé in a few days at the court house we will have a wedding once we have enough money saved the reason we are getting married before our wedding is because his grandma who he lives with is very Christian and won't allow her to move out unless he is married

We have told her we was getting married at the court house just us and my daughter will be there and we will have a wedding on a later date to celebrate with our family

She wasn't happy at first now she wants to go to the court saying the wedding isn't the official part of our marriage and we have tried explaining that we made the appointment for just us and have the day to celebrate for ourselves then on a later date when we have saved enough money for our dream wedding

She's trying to say that she's not wanted now and feels like she's trying to guilt trip us to let her go if it wasn't for her strong beliefs we would have waited til we had enough for a wedding to get married she's making me feel like the a-hole for not letting her attend but my mom says I'm not because she did the same thing that we are doing

AlTA for not letting her attend?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/sevennuppp on 2024-01-23 15:41:59+00:00.

I'm 15f.

My great aunt married my great uncle when I was very little. I was never very close with either of them, as I was always slightly terrified of men who weren't my dad because of my mom's ex-boyfriend who made it painfully obvious he hated little 6 year old me. I only ever really saw my aunt and uncle on Thanksgiving or Easter, because they always made the family dinners. This summer, however, that changed.

My great aunt's nephew, my uncle (different uncle), was diagnosed with brain cancer. My nana asked my great aunt if she would let him live on hospice in her house because her own was far too small and messy. She agreed with no hesitation and my great uncle did as well.

I practically lived down there the first few weeks of summer until he passed, even then I went to their house almost everyday to make sure my nana, who was his mother, was okay. My great uncle always made sure to have biscuit's prepared for me when I got there. He even taught me to drive because my dad was always busy with work.

My mother struggles financially and has no way of transportation for me. I'm an athlete who also has various appointments each month, such as therapy and the orthodontist. So it was getting increasingly difficult to ask my friends and neighbors for rides. (My dad would do it, but they're no longer together and he lives 20 minutes away from my mom and works.) My uncle started giving me rides to where I needed to go, which I appreciate greatly.

He even drives a 45 minute drive to pick me up for school in the mornings and sometimes after practice as well. He gets me food everyday and I appreciate it. But sometimes he oversteps his boundaries in my opinion.

I went through a breakup recently and anytime I would cry in front of my uncle he would get angry at me and yell at me and say there was "no sense in crying over a boy." He later apologized for that when I obviously started giving him the silent treatment because he was upsetting me.

He gets angry if I call anyone but him for a ride. I called my nana to pick me up from practice because I missed her and wanted to see her. My uncle found out and called me and was angry I didn't call him. He was half-joking, but why does it matter if I wanna spend time with my nana?

He's done little things, such as threatening to take my phone if I didn't put it down, threatening to whip me (not weirdly, he just believes that whipping should still be used as a punishment), getting mad if I don't call him and tell him news that aren't his business anyways, etc.

Sometimes it's just frustrating because it feels as though he's trying to overstep and be a father-figure towards me when I have an amazing father already. I love my uncle, but sometimes it just feels like he sees me as his daughter, which I'm not. It would be different if I had grown up close to him, but I didn't. As I got older, I started liking my own space and I get very angry when people try to overstep.

AITA?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/BugMom2010 on 2024-01-23 14:56:41+00:00.

AITA for including my FIL on a group text? Husband (M/54) & I (F/45) live 10 mins from IL's (87/88). Hubs won't move away IL's, in the event they needed him. It was his decision, & I accepted it as terms of our marriage. SIL (F/52) left for college at 18 & never moved back, living under 3grs away. She doesn’t work & has been a stay-at-home Mom for 18 yrs. Hubs worked in a factory f while I started my business & did not have leniency to help IL’s. The first 5 yrs I was in business I was the one taking care of them when needed. They were more mobile and my FIL still drove then, but it was me who sacrificed days I should have been at my office to tend to them. Income was tight but we always made it work. Last yr, Hubs was driving through her town & asked SIL to breakfast. He asked her to help with MIL’s eye appointments which are every scheduled every 8 weeks, plenty of tome to plan around. We handle all of the day-to-day, from grocery shopping to taxi for all other necessities. In addition, when there’s an emergency, which with the elderly happens often, we handle that as well. [Examples: FIL mobility is declining so Hubs goes over to help him shower once a week. When he can't stand he has to drive over to help him stand up; including from the toilet. MIL bladder fell out & called me at 9pm & I took her to OBGYN following morning at 8am.]

Fast forward 6 months & Hubs called SIL to ask when she'll be able to help. After reminding her that he asked for help months ago, SIL became agitated. SIL: I don’t live there. Hubs: It’s a day trip, we make 1 day trips to visit you all the time (2 weeks prior for nephews Grad party, drove down & back in the same day w/ IL's). SIL: Well, I’m busy (as she was packing for last min trip to Hawaii with her family). Hubs: We are too. SIL: I have the kids. Hubs: So do I, & mine are younger. SIL: Yeah, well mine are "active" (said condescendingly). Hubs: I've been taking care on Mon & Dad 3 years, I need help. SIL: (very aggressively) It has NOT been 3 years, it’s been 1. Hubs: I’ve been getting their groceries since Covid & that was 3 years ago! Me: (in the background not yelling but apparently loud enough that I was overheard) I did it for years before you could because of your job. SIL: I don’t need to hear HER mouth in the background. Hubs: (sigh) we work... SIL: Well, from everything Mom & Dad told me, you owe them.

Hubs drove to IL's to confront IL's who were mortified & said they never insinuated we owed them anything, and that we didn't. The next morning, I sent a group text to SIL, BIL, Hubs. But at the last second, I also included my FIL. My thought, she was the one who brought them into the conversation as her source, may as well make sure we’re all on the same page. I told her she was gross & out of line. An hour later BIL text me saying I had every right to feel the way I did but did not have to include FIL on text I that I ruined the family with my big mouth by doing so. AITA to including IL's on text?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Inevitable-Ear-3753 on 2024-01-23 14:51:27+00:00.

I (22F) have a younger sister named Mabel (20F). Growing up, Mabel was always very academically inclined. However, she was also always shy. She got bullied a lot in grade school for reasons such as being "too fat" "too weird" "too crazy" "a crybaby" "too ugly". Mabel just wanted to show up and get her responsibilities done to the best of her abilities. She had some friends but has since lost contact since leaving grade school for high school (she had no phone at the time).

When she was in 4th grade, a few boybands came onto the scene. That was one of the more difficult years as that was one of the peaks of bullying she endured, plus our parents were getting divorced and her teacher at the time favoured the boys who bullied her. She did admit to trying to fit in during this period. She started listening to them and they seemed to help her get through these hard times. Once finished all schoolwork, she would listen to their music and read as much as she could about them to learn as much as she could about them. She is still a walking encyclopedia about these bands to this day, and since then LOTS more information about the individuals in the bands and stuff has been coming out. She sometimes tends to harp on things for too long or monologue about them, and this was no exception. When asked to talk about something else, she would go quiet, though she says its hard for her brain to think about other things outside of school sometimes because she really loves the bands.

There was also an incident in high school where two girls were gossiping about her in front of our mom at the grocery store, calling her "weird". There's one who I suspect envies Mabel because Mabel had better grades than she did, especially in English. Also, a guy that she liked was staring at Mabel's butt and not her and that made her upset.

Mabel is now in a prestigious university and doesn't see any of them. I noticed that others were nice in high school, though it didn't seem like Mabel tried to get close to any of them. I thought uni would be a good opportunity for her to learn social skills and branch out and make friends.

Recently, she and I were on the train, as I work near her uni and was thus helping her find classes and stuff (also there have been crime incidents on public transport so I wanted to keep her safe). A uni classmate came up to her and said "Hello" and Mabel was sharing how her Christmas went. The classmate then proceeded to ask Mabel about band C, the least mainstream of the bands she liked. Mabel said she didn't have time to check as she had been busy. They then proceeded to talk about their classes and TikTok.

I asked Mabel why she was talking about band C with classmates, as I told her she shouldn't because the topic is niche and I worry that her peers would find her weird for liking that band. I asked her who mentioned band C first, and she said she didn't remember. She also talked about them at our Halloween party. AITA?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Western-Technician44 on 2024-01-24 10:50:10+00:00.

When I (24f) was 5 my mother had her second child, my sister. We have different dad's and neither was involved when we were kids. My sister was born prematurely and this is when my mother went from being my mom to being an almost stranger to me. She spent all her time at the hospital with my sister and I was passed around from friends to family and even to strangers my mother and I didn't know, because an aunt would hand me over to someone in her husband's family or a family friend would pass me onto their friend.

My sister was in the hospital for months and had many complications from being born so early. So was one of the youngest preemies in the hospital's history. When she started to get strong enough to go home complications due to her stomach were found and that required more time and more treatments. My mother was in and out of the hospital with her for the next couple of years as they performed surgeries and gave treatments when she would get sick. At that point even when my mother was home with my sister she would keep me somewhere else normally and the times I was home with her I was left alone and her focus was my sister.

Then when my sister was two she was diagnosed with leukemia and that resulted in more treatments, more hospital visits and just never ever seeing them. By the time I was 10 my mother was okay leaving me at home while they were at the hospital so I was alone. It was around this time that my teachers started to suggest I might have dyslexia and the school reacted out to my mother but she was too focused on my sister to do anything for me.

Nothing changed after my sister became cancer free and she was less sick and needed the hospital less. My mother was so devoted to her that she didn't pay attention to me and both were strangers to me.

I started staying with my girlfriend's family as a teenager and my mother didn't care. I would only go back to her house when I needed to pick up more of my clothes or stuff. And when I turned 18 I moved out officially and got my dyslexia diagnosis.

Now several years on I don't really have anything to do with my mother or my sister. I don't blame my sister for any of this. It's just no bond could form when we were younger and she's a stranger to me. My mother has started to have some health problems and turned to me for help. She told me I should be around more and doing stuff to help her because she's my mom. She also said my sister deserves a relationship with me and accused me of punishing my sister for existing. I told her that wasn't true but we were strangers and that was because of her (my mother). I also told her she hadn't been my mom since I was 5 and she had no right to ask me to care for her when she hasn't cared for me in almost 20 years. She called me a selfish and spoiled child who never grew up.

AITA?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/SoBiasedppl on 2024-01-24 03:19:06+00:00.

I(25female) have a 1 year old kid with my bf Hank(24m and fake name). Hank doesn't like dogs at all and I happen to own one. A German shepherd, but lucky for him we don't live together so he doesn't have to Interact with my dog.

Anyways something bad happened to my dog yesterday and she ended up with a broken leg. Fast forward till today and my dog Is laying on the floor and daughter Is In the same room. I also have my sister over. My daughter just recently started learning to walk so she Is a bit wobbly and falls quite a lot.

I wasn't paying attention and didn't notice her wobbling over to the dog. She got to the dog and fell over directly on the dog's broken leg. The dog yelped and barked at my daughter. No teeth were shown and didn't snarl. The dog got up and just left the room.

My daughter was startled but didn't even cry. I fully blame myself for that since I wasn't paying attention. My sister was spooked and she just so happens to also not be a dog person. I told her not to tell Hank because he would make It a bigger problem.

She said she wouldn't but did anyways. Hank found out and went off on me. Saying my dog was dangerous and he would call animal control. My mom found out and she said to just get rid of the dog to calm everything down. I said absolutely not and that It was just an accident.

I wouldn't allow my daughter near the dog for the time being so as to avoid that happening again. Hank has not dropped It and he actually did call animal control which went no where. Also my daughter and dog have a good relationship. The dog came back Into the living not long after and sat In the same spot.

I feel extremely bad for both my dog and my daughter. Am I wrong?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Icy_Badger1886 on 2024-01-24 08:47:15+00:00.

I 25(M) am studying a DVM (Doctor of Veterinary Medicine). I did an undergraduate degree in Microbiology and am 3 years through my 5 year DVM. So 6 years of schooling so far.

The other day I was back in my home town for New Years and I ran into my old friend, who we'll call Anna 26(F). Anna had a few gap years before starting a Bachelor of Science majoring in Physics. She has just finished her second year.

Whilst we were drinking at her boyfriend (Marks) NYE party, she mentioned how lucky I am to be studying a DVM because I get to hang out with kittens and puppies. I told her I'm very grateful to be studying this but it is a lot of work and the academic workload is a lot on top of placement as well.

She jokingly said, "well at least its not quantum physics!" I laughed and told her I'd like to see her elbow deep in a cow's ass.

She almost immediately changed tone and said "I wish my studies were that easy, I've got books upon books of equations to complete." She then went on to say how she'd wanted to be a vet when she was a child and how she should have chosen it since its a lot easier than her current degree. She raved for a bit about how hard she studies and how easy it must be for me to slack off and spend time prancing around on a farm for credits.

I told her I was just joking around and that vet school is actually quite intense, in fact its very difficult to get into. I explained its why I completed an undergrad degree first, and that I think a lot of people really underestimate how difficult it is, despite being a medical doctorate.

Anna snapped back and said "well I got into physics school, so it shouldn't be that difficult."

I told her to get f*cked and got up and left. Spent new years with my family instead. Vet school has been really hard for me and hearing her be so dismissive set me off, especially because I've never heard anyone say "physics school" before. She just seemed really intent on saying how much worse she has it. I ended up forgetting about it but 3 or 4 days later, Mark (Anna's bf, party host) sent me a message asking me to apologize to Anna. He said I shouldn't have sworn at her and my behavior was unreasonable.

I know I reacted a bit harshly but I'm not going to apologize. AITA if I don't apologize?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/SubstantialSea2965 on 2024-01-24 08:34:37+00:00.

My brother and SIL have 2 daughter F14 Bria that is his and F16 Leah that is hers.

The problem is my SIL. Every time someone compliments Bria we MUST also compliment Leah otherwise she will get mad. For example if I tell Bria that she is very talented in something SIL will interrupt me and say "but isn't Leah also very talented?" It's annoying. I can't say a single word to my niece unless I say it to Leah too.

A few days ago we were at their home and the girls were getting ready to go to a party. Bria was looking absolutely gorgeous so I told her "omg Bria you look gorgeous"

SIL interrupted me again and said "but isn't Leah very gorgeous?"

I finally snapped and said "no she is not" she looked at me shocked and said what the hell is wrong with you to say that. I told her I didn't want to say that but since she wanted to know I answered truthfully. If she thinks her daughter is gorgeous then she should tell her but she can't expect people to compliment her

Now she thinks I'm an asshole

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Greedy-Philosophy-95 on 2024-01-24 08:34:36+00:00.

I (25f) and the father of my baby (23m) have been together for 5 years but have grown apart for some time now. I try to make everything work but it seems to always end up bad. Just to help make this understandable I'll go into some details about what has made us grow apart. We have always had arguments here and there, lately it's gotten really bad. He always makes it seem like I'm at fault for something, which makes me apologize over and over even if I feel I wasn't in the wrong. His favorite thing to say is, "there's right and there's wrong, and I'm always right." When to me he isn't. Just as an example the other night he was driving home from another state after visiting a sick family member. It was 6pm, he would not be home until 11pm. I called because I was almost out of formula for our baby, and I did not have a vehicle to go get some because he had taken it on his trip. I asked if he was feeling okay to get some on his way home, or if he wanted me to go early in the morning. He starts getting annoyed and said I was being difficult and to just tell him what I want him to do instead of giving "an ultimatum" as he put it. So I said, would you mind stopping for some then? He says, "ugh I guess I can drive all the way across town to drive back and then finally be home." So I snapped a little and said I'm sorry it's such an inconvenience to stop to get our child food. Once he's home we argue the rest of the night, at which I apologize for when I feel I was not in the wrong to begin with. This is just the most recent incident that comes to mind that was an argument. Most of the time they're about little things like that, that turn into an ugly hours long argument where I'm crying and apologizing just to not argue anymore. The most upsetting problem I have which makes me want to leave is whenever we argue, he always goes on his phone and texts other people on apps in a sxual manner. It's been about 2-3 years that he does this, and I don't ever see it stopping when when I confront him about it. When I do, it always gets turned around on me with him saying "it's your fault I do those things. If you weren't so mean to me and always cause a problem I wouldn't feel the need to do that." But in my brain, regardless of the situation that should never be the answer to get your emotions out or whatever the reason is he's doing it. It's not even just sxual texts, it's images and videos from both sides. With him telling them he's single and wants to come over to their place. Continued in comments ran out of room.