Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/IndividualBed1363 on 2024-01-21 18:25:41+00:00.

Obligatory 'throwaway account' warning.

My boyfriend (27M) and I (32M) are due to be moving into a house that he is in the process of buying. He is a cash buyer, paying for the house in full using parents money, with no mortgage obligation. In a conversation we were having this weekend, he said that we wanted me to feel as though it was my house too, something that we were doing together, and feel as though I was able to contribute; I replied that of course I was very happy to contribute to the fair share of the bills, and that it would be great to start our life together.

At this point, he said he was worried that I had misunderstood, and felt that he should be clear. He then suggested that he wants me to cover his share of the bills, and not just contribute my portion, in place of a 'rent' for living there, and so that he has to incur close-to-zero outgoings himself. I questioned why we couldn't just enter the house as equals, paying an equal share of the costs incurred as a result of living there: asking why I should 'pay his way,' and stated that I was uncomfortable in the power imbalance this would create, and that I would feel like I was 'renting off my boyfriend' and that he was trying to 'make money from me.'

He questioned why his parents money should cover the cost of my "rent," and claimed that I would be saving a great deal more money than if I was living in private rented accommodation (as I am now), which although is true, doesn't feel like a particularly nice position to be in, because as far as I see it, there isn't any "rent" to pay? At this point it was insinuated that I would be 'freeloader' if I didn't

This argument/conversation went round and round, where neither of us could seemingly understand the others position, and ended with me feeling as though perhaps I was asking too much, and that I was trying to freeload off my boyfriend.. so tell me, AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Aggressive_Limit_911 on 2024-01-21 17:53:34+00:00.

I 23f and my husband 24m have 3 kids. Our oldest 4m, our second 2f, and our youngest 6 months m love our new life with my brother 21m and his girlfriend 26f. So just a heads up this is a long story. My oldest son was born and my mil was thrilled. There was many issues with her especially when it came to my son.

Fast forward to 2023, I am pregnant with our 3rd child a boy, also my last due to many medical issues. She suckered us into being back in her house by keeping our saved up money claiming it went to bills (it definitely didn't) we wanted to move out of state with my brother to create our own healing space. But she kept the money and said we could live with her rent free and she promised to be more respectful. She took the rent free part back in less than a month.

Boy were we wrong. 2023 was the worst year with her. She blatantly disrespected me and my husband. My son was born on the same day as my oldest son, so I was at the hospital obvi and I asked her to bring my son and daughter to meet their brother, she made a big deal about it and when she got there she rushed it. My son started talking about picking up a cake and she said she just got him a cake I made her promise me in the hospital before she left not to throw a birthday party without me. Me and my newborn son come home there are obvious party stuff left over we throw him a party the next weekend and my son tells everyone he already had a party...and this is when shit really hit the fan.

My mil kicked us out bc my mom came over, yes. That's all that happened. My mom came over I was breastfeeding my baby and sent my husband upstairs to make me a sandwich. She cornered him yelled about how disrespectful we were for bringing her into HER house she made that very clear. She never had issues with my mom before so we were more than confused. We pack up the kids and my mom and go to leave for her house she is saying nasty things TO MY BABIES. She begins to scream and clap at my husband who is almost to the car I am a couple feet infront of her with my kids and I turned and asked her to stop yelling in front of them and she told me to shut up. Tells him F u get off my property and don't come back.

About a month goes by I try for the umteenth time to reconcile with her and allow a relationship with my kids. She begins her toxic behavior again and doing things with my kids without permission cutting hair etc. We then got a call that brothers gfs dad passed, we made the trip 750 miles to help. They then say we should try again to stay and create a life away from the mess and get our minds right. We do and we did. Mil kept being confusing blowing up and saying disrespectful things and we cut her off. Also for context my husband wanted nothing to do with her after our first fight with our first born. I was the only one trying for a relationship with her. She tells everyone I stole her son and grdkids. So AITA for not wanting to try and fix the relationship again?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Ro_lax19 on 2024-01-21 17:40:34+00:00.

Hi, for context I M18 (ftm) have been off work for the last month due to breaking my ankle. I'm a chef so obviously being on my feet for many hours at a time is very important. Anyways today at around 3am I woke up with some nausea and diarrhea, as my mother also works in the food industry I let her know what happened and asked her to remind me if it was 24 or 48 hours I couldn't handle food after diarrhea, she basically said 24 hours and when I asked for advice wmif I should call in sick she just said "do whatever you think is best." Anyways. I decided to wait it out and call back to mu work in the morning, I fell asleep again for a few hours but woke up again and just stayed in bed doom scrolling on tiktok. I laughed a bit to myself in my own room (very quietly mind you) to this random meme and my mum burst into my room saying I was lazy for not sleeping when I had work in the morning (I use lazy cus idk the word for this but in Spanish it's traznochada baga using female pronouns even tho I use male) I basically said sorry about the noise and then told her I wasn't gonna work cus I was sick. Then she got mad at me for being lazy and not working and stuff and that I would be fired cus I never work. I love my work! Cooking is my passion and I really have just been sick. I don't rlly know what to do now because it's not my fault that I'm sick but then again I could've just suck it up and gone to work. I dunno though need other opinions, AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/driving2024 on 2024-01-21 16:49:50+00:00.

Few days ago my brother said he wanted to go to the post office to sort something out, so I agreed to drive him. I noticed it was 4pm so two of my coworkers who don't drive get off around this time, so I called them and asked if they'd like a ride (it was my off day). My brother had just started high school so he's still working on getting his license which will be a while.

I asked my brother if it's ok that I pick up my coworkers and drive them home (they're roommates) first before I take him to the post office. Obviously since I'm accompanying him I can't do it the other way around. He's immediately like NO, because that would be more than one non-family passenger in my car which would be illegal (my new-driver license forbids that until I get my full license). He's always paranoid like that because he thinks we would get pulled over. He's also bickered at me using a GPS because it apparently takes my attention off the road even though it's legal to have a hands free gps. He keeps telling me a story about someone he knows who was forced by the cops to kick out the passengers and have them walk home.

Before you say it's another reason, he's ALWAYS like this. The office wouldn't close until hours later so time is obviously not an issue, and he's met one of my coworkers when buying a drink at my shop one time and had no complaints.

There's an N sticker on my car but cops usually dont care. I've never been pulled over for having multiple passengers and I do this all the time.

I ultimately told him that I'm going to take my coworkers home regardless and since I'm driving. even if I were to get pulled over, I would get in trouble and he would not get kicked out because he doesn't count (the rule is regarding non-family passengers). I told him I wouldn't be okay with him staying home and waiting for me to come back and then drive him, because that would waste my time. Either he comes with me or not.

He passive aggressively agreed. So we drove to work and picked up my coworkers, took them home, and then drove my brother to the post office to sort his thing out. Throughout the whole ride he was silent and constantly looking out for cops. At the post office he kept bickering about how I shouldn't have multiple passengers. Even on the way back he was clearly upset even though he started to shut up later.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Intrepid_Buddy_4238 on 2024-01-21 16:41:18+00:00.

I (18F) have a group of "friends" from college, I say "friends" because not everybody's close. One of my friend's (soon to be 28F) birthdays is approaching and she's invited us (16F, 17F, 18F, 22F, 25F) out for a meal and drinks.

Here's where I have a problem:

The plan is that we go out to a restaurant for drinks and maybe grab something to eat on the way. This would take place in the city since we all live pretty far. The older girls (27 & 25) want the underage ones to be able to drink. The plan would be either the legal girls order drinks for them or they sneak vodka into the restaurant. The legal age for drinking where am from is 18.

I feel uncomfortable about this. There's no point in pretending that people underage don't drink however the two girls who are underage have never drank. The 17 year-old is my best friend and she's been wanting to drink for a while now however her birthdays quite a while away. The 16 year-old is autistic and has problems with anxiety. The plan isn't to just "drink" I don't have a problem with that, they want to get drunk (not my words, the words of the the girls aged 16,17,25,28). Then afterwords we would all take the train back alone to our places since we live far. I personally don't plan on drinking much, I don't want to get drunk and probably won't stay out long but both the underage girls want to. I can't help but feel like it's unsafe, the 16 year-old has never taken a train herself and is vulnerable due to her being autistic. I don't believe her mother is aware of what's happening. My best friend has anxiety and I honestly don't know if she's ever taken the train alone before (not something we've really discussed I've only known her since last year). The city we are going to isn't the nicest, I'm originally from the city and even I don't think it's safe, the crime rate is up dramatically lately and even people from the city are avoiding going out as much as possible. I didn't think my friend (27) would do something like this, I honestly think a lot less of her because of it. It's well known in the group that the 16 year-old is very naive and vulnerable and that my best friend has anxiety so them taking the train home drunk just seems like a recipe for disaster. The only thing I can think of doing is to maybe report it to the college or their parents but I just know my relationship with my friends would be over but I want them to be safe.

So WIBTA and am I just being dramatic?

Also just for reference the train is 50 minutes for me, 45 for the 16 year-old and 1 hour for my best friend. We don't live close, I'm 50 minutes away from my best friend by bus and there's no train.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/kittycat_333 on 2024-01-21 15:42:41+00:00.

I (20f) started streaming on Tiktok and Twitch. This has been my dream since I was little. i always wanted to play video games and have people watch me. I have fun and I like to socialize.

As you know people watching you can send you money and gifs (on tik tok live) and that made me even more happy and excited. I'm not famous and I don't have many views, I just started. I have about 40/50 viewers of which I have a few regulars that we play with and talk to.

The guy I'm dating (25m) doesn't support me with streaming. He said he doesn't like it when guys send me money as well as playing with them ( league of legends). To add he has a good income and can take care of me. We are getting serious and I am slowly moving out with him.

I said that I will not stop doing what I like and brings me additional income. (And yet, I haven't streamed in a few weeks now because it's stopping me).

So Am i the asshole for wanting to stream on Twitch and probably sacrifice my relationship?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/6-022x10e23_avocados on 2024-01-21 15:19:57+00:00.

I had been part of the great redundancy of 2023 so in between looking for jobs, my friend let me stay at her apartment with her.

She has a cleaner who comes in 2x a week and I had previously asked this cleaner to clean my own apartment so I knew how much her time cost, although I ended up never engaging the cleaner's services.

Now that I'm in another country, I had asked the cleaner to help me get some paperwork done and told her I would pay her for her time.

My friend messaged me seeming upset, and I asked directly what it was about, and the response was:

"The truth is I could’ve offered to help you out for free - to pick up your documents for you. And if I needed help with that, I could’ve employed [the cleaner] and paid her myself. But to employ her services without letting me know and not giving payment clarity means I might be obligated to pay on your behalf without my consent - because you were my guest friend and I’m the one who’s left here. Nobody said “Is it ok with you?" It also complicated my relationship with [the cleaner] as [the cleaner] can’t fully understand why a small thing can stress me out. How can I explain boundaries to her? It’s okay for Lyn to help, it’s her choice, and you need help; but i would’ve appreciated a little notice - “Im going to ask for [the cleaner's] help and it might require a fee. I’ll pay you when I get paid in July. Is that okay?” At least I get a sense of choice, im prepared and everyone’s clear"

Thing is, I messaged the cleaner because I knew my friend was stressed over other things and I didn't want to trouble her with it. I also never said anything about paying all the way in July. AITA for not letting my friend know? As far as I'm concerned I was engaging a freelancer who's not supposed to intrude on the time booked for my friend. .

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Oppenshitz on 2024-01-21 15:11:48+00:00.

The girl im dating [29] is a foreigner from africa and not white so I [26] wanted to show without telling her that i'm good with spicy food and therefore not like other white people who don't season food. So I cooked for her with some chilli in the stew and when she arrives she asks what flavours there are and I said that I made it spicy. But she tells me that she don't like spicy foods so she wonders if there is other food? There was enough left to make a second pot without chili so we eat that as well and I eat the spicy one. She thinks i am acting strange for assuming she likes it spicy. Otherwise the date was good but i'm worried that I might be a racist. I tweeted a joke about this date and someone called me an asshole/racis for assuming this. Am I the asshole?

[Sorry if my grammar is bad at some points, english is my second language]

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Weekly_Beautiful5081 on 2024-01-21 14:57:59+00:00.

(Some context. I’m 8 months pregnant, my mom was suppose to plan the baby shower 2 months ago but after some drama I ended up cutting all my family out of my life besides my dad. My bf asked his stepmom to plan it instead, and she did an amazing job I’m beyond grateful she stepped up when she didn’t have to and I’m grateful for everything everyone got for the baby)

Yesterday was the baby shower, I was already sad because my dad wasn’t able to attend but I did my best to not let that affect my day. My bfs family showed up and gave him hugs and greeted him. I’m standing right where everyone is coming to say hi to his family but everyone either just gave me an awkward hug or walked by without saying anything. I did my best to brush it off but after 2 hours of no one saying “hi” to me or even trying to make conversation I wanted to cry but there was 2 more hours left that was literally spent of just his family talking to each then last 5 minutes was opening gifts.

After the shower was over I tried to tell my bf that I’m upset his family didn’t acknowledge me the whole time, he says they’re just antisocial people and I should have made more of an effort to talk to them. I agree I should have made more of an effort but I tried to say hi to everyone who came and they chose to only talk to him.

Again I’m grateful people came, got stuff for the baby, and that my bf got to see his family. I’m upset because I felt excluded. I started balling on the ride home because after I told my bf how I was feeling he says “well I only went for the stuff” and making little comments like “I’m sorry you think my family is trash” “why does everything have to be bad, look at all the stuff we didn’t have to pay for” it got to the point I was sobbing just begging him to stop because I just wanted him to comfort me but it felt like he was rubbing it in that he doesn’t care his family acknowledged him and he kept bringing it back to the stuff.

This morning I was scrolling through socials to see pictures of only my bf and his family from the baby shower and it hurts all over again.

Now I’m an adult and I’m not going to let how this event went impact how I feel about them because they’re nice people and I made sure I didn’t let my emotions get the best of me during the baby shower so my bf could have fun but AITA for being upset?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Teneos1 on 2024-01-21 14:56:37+00:00.

Context: 6 months trip in Asia with her. We were 24h together every day and small details can become upsetting. She eats very slowly compared to me and we were already frustrated at each other, which means that we weren’t talking. I was very bored (I might have ADHD) and just left the restaurant instead of watching her eat in silence. So, AITA ? She remembers it as a clear lack of respect.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Crafty-Kick-853 on 2024-01-21 11:30:10+00:00.

I, (16F) am the captain of an engineering team at school. There is this one member, let’s call her Veronica, on my team who doesn’t show up and has done almost nothing for our project. TDLR, recently, we had to sterilise some plastic for our project. Usually, we use a machine called an autoclave to sterilise things. What the autoclave does is heat up to such a high degree that it kills everything alive including bacteria. As long as you put inanimate objects in an special autoclave bag, they will be sterilised and the autoclave will not affect it in any other way.

Veronica decided to show up for the first time in weeks to a meeting today, and since she is quite clueless as to what’s going on, I told her to sterilise some products as it is a relatively simple, and straightforward process. We just throw the items into an autoclave bag, and then into the autoclave. She decided to go against my direct orders, stating that the autoclave will melt whatever we put inside. She instead decided to use isopropyl to sterilise the products we’re going to use. I told her not to as the isopropyl was HIGHLY dangerous to the live bio products we intent on using in our experiment, and we don’t have time to buy fresh, uncontaminated samples as our project is due in 3 days. I heard from one member on the team that she decided to use isopropyl behind my back anyways, and that everyone in the room tried to stop her as she was going against my direct orders and we have autoclaved everything in the past to test, and nothing melted. She wouldn’t listen to anyone. I sent the following message in the team groupchat:

“YOU DISOBEYED MY DIRECT ORDERS TO NOT PUT IT IN EHTANOL. AS YOUR CAPTAIN I EXPECT YOU TO VALUE MY INPUT. YOUR ACTIONS SHOW PURE IGNORANCE AND IDIOCY. YOU HAVE POTENTIALLY JEOPARDISED THE ENTIRE EXPERIMENT WITH YOUT BIG ASS EGO AND REFUSAL TO LISTEN TO ANYONE BESIDES YOURSELF. You will face the appropriate consequences xx.”

I then asked her to fix her mistake by emailing our mentor and following through with the appropriate steps to which she said “After you call me an ignorant idiot, no. Deal with it yourself. If you want to message me with isntructions after I start the process, I don't see you as a very responsible captain. Me and my "big ass ego" will not help you any more if you see me as a nuisance.”

Most of the team and our mentors are on my side but I really think I fucked up by publicly calling her out. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/blueshrubsy on 2024-01-21 07:47:08+00:00.

Me and my parents were supposed to visit some relatives. I felt that going at 3 PM would be fine, but my parents thought going at 2 PM would be the best. I am the one who is supposed to drive, and am feeling a bit lazy. AITA for purposefully delaying by being in the room and watching reels and scrolling through reddit and finally leaving by 2:30?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Sweaty_Mouse_3053 on 2024-01-21 06:01:46+00:00.

My boyfriend and I, (18f and 20m) was on call when he told me about his friend's boyfriend saying that "he would never forgive her if she was infertile". He asked what my thoughts were and I said she deserved better. I then asked what he would do if I was infertile (he knows there is a high chance of me being infertile). He told me he wanted to actually have kids, so he would leave if I was infertile. This upset me, but I said nothing and just said I'll get tested soon so he won't be stuck or feel unhappy. After this, he kept pushing me and I told him there were other ways to have kids. He didn't really care about the other ways until I said it. I started saying that I really hoped he wasn't just so willing to leave without considering stuff before. I had a meltdown which resulted in me venting about feeling less of a woman, and started saying sorry. He told me to stop being sorry and to stop being a sac of nothingness because no one cares or will help. I just apologized after that and he repeated it again, telling me to stop being sad for no reason and to actually do something. This made me upset, but I said nothing. I know this all seems irriational or that I'm pulling him down, but it's hard to control emotions., due to bpd, autism, and some more stuff. I don't want to pull him down but I don't know what to do or say. Do you think I was being rude to him during this? I'll answer any other further questions.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Thick_Obligation_435 on 2024-01-21 04:28:17+00:00.

TA account

My (23m) girlfriend Joan’s (20f) birthday was last week. I asked her what she wanted and she said a 2 face pancake pallete which is eyeshadow or vinyl of her favorite album.

Obviously vinyls ore everywhere but the one she wanted was only on certain sites and isn’t streaming on main sites and both gifts cost around $50-$60~.

We’ve been dating for 2 1/2 years so her being “worth the money” was never the question. I’m just more frugal than her. She comes from “old” money and I come from “my grandparents/parents busted their ass to make sure the next few generations never need anything” money. The amount wouldn’t hurt me but I don’t see the point in buying expensive things when cheaper items exist.

I ended up getting Joan an eyeshadow that most color matched the one she wanted from a slightly cheaper brand and I burned her a CD of her favorite album (she has a record player but still. Also it wasn’t a shitty mixtape I hunted around for the best audios and tried my best to decorate the top so it would stand out) so she could more conveniently listen to it in her car or at work or home plus got her flowers and her favorite candy and made reservations for a nice restaurant.

Joan seemed happy during our date but later texted me saying she’d rather have just gone to dinner than gotten the other gifts.

I don’t get it. I got her the same colors she asked for just a different brand and a way to listen to her favorite album that doesn’t just limit her to one space but she’s still upset? AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/MazeLegitimate on 2024-01-21 04:14:36+00:00.

Hey fellow Redditors, I (45m) find myself in a bit of a conundrum and need your take on a situation with my pregnant wife (29f). We embarked on the IVF journey a few years ago and found out we were expecting twin girls.

Months ago, we had already settled on what we thought were adorable names: Jameson Katherine and Michelle Emily, with the super cute nicknames Jay and Elle. I thought we had nailed it! However, there's a little 'joke' that I've kept to myself- if you include their middles they have the nickname potential of Jay Kay and Elle Em (JKLM). I had seen this as something to make the naming process a bit more fun and to make the twins feel connected without being overly matchy.

But, as it turns out, my wife didn't quite see the humor in it. She noticed it and brought it up to me today. I told her it was intentional, and she absolutely blew up on me, accusing me of not taking our roles as soon-to-be parents seriously. According to her, I'm making light of an important decision and not respecting the gravity of the situation.

So, am I the asshole here, or is my wife just channeling her inner drama queen? I mean, it's not like I named the kids after my favorite sports team or suggested 'Jenny Talia'.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Temp-25 on 2024-01-21 01:57:34+00:00.

For a little backstory, I(16m) has been though a lot ever since my parents divorced. My dad decided to leave because my mom was always screaming and cussing and he could not handle it anymore so he left to the state he was born in. My mom after a few years got back with her ex-boyfriend from when she was in college. She never stays at our house anymore either she just goes to his house and picks us up leaving us here. I think he’s not that bad but he can be annoying sometimes. I still talk to my dad and visit him sometimes, honestly if it weren’t for school and sports I would have went with him. My mom has always been a unreasonable person by doing things like making me clean up my siblings messes over and over while they continue to mess stuff up or cursing me out because she is mad about something I have no idea about. Note that I’m a good student in the 1st honor role going to a private school. So today I was having a wrestling tournament and I ended up placing in 3rd. Normally after my tournaments I like to explain everything that happened to my mom in the car because she barely shows up to any of them even though I normally get first. I was excited to tell her about how I wrestled the number one guy in the state and almost beat him. I texted her when it was over and I waited at the tournament for almost 2 hours until she finally showed up. I got in the car and explained for a little bit, I was really excited but she told me to talk for quietly and kept interrupting me. I asked her if she cared or not because if she didn’t I would just sit there as to not waste her time. She told me she did I kept going but as I was talking about one match she put some comment in about how she thinks I was doing something to the guys arm on purpose. So I said to her “I was out their wrestling so I think I would know” and she got furious. She yelled at me and cursed me out saying that she will beat my ass, that she doesn’t care about what happened pend, that I’m disrespectful, and that she doesn’t even have to take me to wrestling tournaments. So I waited for her to finish and I put my headphones and listened to music. I could still hear her cursing at me saying that she would “take those fucking headphones and break them” note that I paid for them. I got out the car immediately when she dropped me off and I left inside to shower. After I got out I went to my laptop to work on my English essay and I saw that it our wifi wasn’t working. I reset the router but apparently she had blocked all my devices from the wifi. I texted her asking her to unblock it so I could work on my essay and I told her that this is a little crazy but she called me disrespectful again and said that I have until 12 o’clock to work on the essay. Then she unblocked my laptop.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/PomegranateOk_3258 on 2024-01-21 01:52:55+00:00.

I (19f) absolutely despise my father. He is not a good father because everything has to his way. He constantly wants me to weight myself on the scale multiple times a day and tell him. One time he caught me eating more rice than I usually do so he made me eat the entire pot of rice, the leftover cake, he made more rice and made me eat it no matter how many times I said no I don't want to. He recently said that he will no longer go grocery shopping since I won't loss weight fast enough.

He wants me to act as his mom (ex: put his laundry away, put his dishes away, text for him, cook for him, etc). In general he's an A-hole. He has no friends due to his poor manners.

Before I went on vacation, we got into an argument and I had to see my doctor because of him. After that, I went on vacation for little over a month. I was happy during that no contact time. Honestly, I didn't want to leave cuz I knew I would see him. I was very mad when he came to pick me up at the airport. He acted if nothing happened.

I have an estranged relative and he knows that I no longer want anything to do with them yet he constantly wants me to help him for them (ex: get their mail and drop it off, get their baby photos and send it to them, get lawyers, etc). I've told him that they are no longer allowed in the house and everyone who lives here agreed yet my father invited her over without telling anyone. The relative has always been in trouble by my parents, work, or minor legal stuff. (I will later post something about the relative later if you all would like one. )

I have thought about it for a long time. I think if he were gone, I would be happier. He is a constant source of my depression. I used to feel bad for him cuz of his childhood but now its to the point where I cannot excuse his behavior anymore.

I'm reaching out here because some people have said that he is an A-hole while others have said he's just a tough dad.

AITA for wanting my father gone?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/RevolutionaryMode177 on 2024-01-21 01:05:56+00:00.

I (F18) am in a typical friend group of 6(also all F18), and we’ve been best friends for the past 2 years. Obviously we’re all in our last year of school so we don’t want any unnecessary drama or stress so we barely ever argue. Anyway for context I have dyed red hair, and to maintain the colour I have to use red shampoo, red conditioner, a red hair mask and to wash it under cold water. It’s tedious and my hairstylist also told me not to wash my hair too many times to maintain the colour. My hair is also extremely damaged so washing it too much would probably make me bald and that’s unfortunately not the look I’m going for, so I only wash it twice a week, and so I have an everything shower every time I wash my hair, kind of to kill two birds with one stone. Some of my friends find it disgusting, and keep telling me to wash it even though I’ve explained over and over again that it’s super hard to do that and I don’t want to end up balding or with fading hair, and they keep making jokes about how they can fry eggs in my hair and all that. I normally just laugh it off but it’s gotten so repetitive that laughing it off becomes an acquired skill that I have not mastered. They’re making me seem like this greasy slimeball monster but it’s not even like I’m unhygienic, I brush my teeth every morning and every night, shower at least once every day and never ever skip my morning and evening skincare routine, and the worst thing is that they’re always making these jokes in public at the top of their voices. So anyway the last two weeks were mocks week, and naturally my tedious everything shower routine wasn’t really a priority, and I had to show up to school bare-faced w greasy hair every day which was actually painful for me. All I did today was tell my friends that I was excited to be wearing makeup and pretty clothes to school for the first time in two weeks and finally looking like the cute hyper feminine girly girl I am and they’ve just hit me with a barrage of insults about how I’m so scary and how I can’t be feminine with my unwashed hair because apparently you have to wash your hair every single day. I literally know what to do when there’s grease in my hair, I always style it into a slick bun or any other cute hairstyle that I’ve always thought I look good in but the fact that I don’t wash my hair every day suddenly makes me look like a bloodied goat to the slaughter shitting fear diarrhoea everywhere with matted fur and a single dangly earring. They said I was and I quote, “disgusting” and “scary”, so I just explained that my hair stylist told me not to wash my hair more than twice a week, and they said that “[I] don’t need a licensed doctor or stylist to tell me to wash my hair every day”, so I just went off on them and told them that jokes are funny, but I’d appreciate it if they were at least doing it in a way that made me think they were minding their own business and not making me feel so ugly and so dirty and unfeminine. Am I the asshole for responding the way I did? ALSO, if it’s any solace to anyone, I’m typing this with WASHED hair!! and I’m planning on washing it again before school on Monday! edit: OKAY just wanted to clarify, my hair is nowhere near the point where it’s so damaged i need to cut or shave it, it’s not thin, it’s really thick, it’s not frizzy and it has improved since i started washing it this way! its not very healthy but it is smooth, once again thick and it is moisturised! it’s mostly to maintain the colour but tysm for the concern. it’s not fried at all, it was when i got a chemical perm done years ago in korea, and that took a lot of repairing, even chopped half my hair off that time to recover. it’s longer and healthier now! i’m only listening to my stylist but again tysm for all your concerns once again my hair is NORMAL, it’s not dead at all, but it could be if i don’t take care of it properly, im also just lazy i was just really really really mad when i was typing this so i was exaggerating the condition of my hair by a lot in the heat of the moment! my hair is as damaged as colour treated hair inevitably gets! i get regular hair treatments after colour every salon visit (tokio inkarami n olaplex) <3333

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Acceptable_Plate155 on 2024-01-21 19:42:14+00:00.

Four years ago, my father passed away, leaving his assets to me (now 28) and my brother (35) to divide equally. This included a sum of money, a small family business, and two properties. My brother, seven years my senior and more established with a family, took on the role of managing our father's estate, as I was still completing my studies. He moved from the US back to Colombia with his family to handle the business and proposed to buy out my share.

However, a few months later, he argued that he shouldn't pay me for the business due to his sacrifices in relocating and proposed deducting his and his family’s moving expenses, mortgage payments, and lost income from the estate funds.

We eventually agreed he would keep the business, we'd split the cash, and he'd retain the larger property while I took the smaller one. He was to pay me the value difference within three years. It's been a year since the agreement and he hasn't made any payments, citing his own financial burdens like student loans. He wants to pay me the whole amount at the end of 3 years with no interest.

Recently, our mother passed away, leaving her small shop and some savings. He wants to take over her shop, and I've asked to be compensated with our mother's savings as partial payment for what he owes me, along with a structured plan for the remaining amount. AITA for asking this? He argues that as an older sibling, he has consistently supported me in the past, and now it's my turn to help him, given his current financial difficulties due to debt, while I am debt-free.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Anotherreddituser014 on 2024-01-21 19:41:01+00:00.

I (16M) Live in a house with a ton of people Dad (37M), Stepmom (39F), 2 Little brothers (11M,13M) and my grandmother (65F). We live with her because after my dad got divorced his business wasn't doing to well and he couldn't get on his feet. Not such a big deal. My family has always struggled with money. I've tried go fund me because I didn't like how we are in the situation we are in. To no avail.

My Grandmother Has always had some resentment to my 13y brother Sam. He can be a pain yes and he can be manipulative. my parents were in a toxic relationship so its not his fault. Today was a final straw of my grandma being the way she was towards everyone my parents me Sam and Caleb 11y.

Sam always wanted a cirkul water bottle like the one you see MR. Beast promotes. We went to Walmart today for some things we need. My brother wanted to ask for the water bottle. Dad said no. We are going through a hard time right now. we needed essentials. My grandma took this opportunity. She bought herself one. "I wanted to see what the fuss is all about."

Sam looked crushed. I couldn't stand to see his face like that. We left the store and I let loose as soon as I saw the tears in Sam's eyes. I yelled at her asking if she ever thought of anyone other than herself and how the things she does that are nice she expects something in return. I told her it was bad enough My dad and us boys are used as work horse's around her hoarder house. I got in the car slammed the door and told Sam I'd buy him a bottle when I can.

The car was silent on the way home. And I haven't spoken to her for a few hours. So am I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/bmich90 on 2024-01-21 19:38:30+00:00.

I (33M) allowed my sister (34) moved in with me Sept 2023 since she wanted to start over and move to Florida. I did tell her she can stay with my until she gets on her feet. She has two 13 Y/O boy and girl. I paid for their flights, told my sister don’t worry about any bills/rent just save your money to help you get a place. We all (4 of us) live in a 1 Bedroom 1 bath APT She finally stated to work in November 2023, after me sending her some jobs to apply to, and asking each day. Now I like a clean place I’m single no kids etc. make good money.

I find myself cleaning each day after my niece and nephew both 13 Y/O…. Neither helps with anything at the apt. sometime my sister will help clean, but mostly it’s me. I have to remind them to replace the trash when it gets full, wipe down the kitchen when your done cooking. Most recently someone cooked something in the microwave and food exploded and the entire microwave was still full-on food. and my sister allows them to stay up until they go to fall asleep even on school nights. My nephew will stay up until 4 or 5AM on school days. He been suspended five times since November and the school district called my sister this past week telling her my niece has been skipping the last two periods of the day.

Now I work from home normally in bed by 9PM up by 5AM, my sister and kids don’t go to bed until 5/6 AM and sleep until 3 or 4 PM on weekend. I find myself with blinds closed and mostly in a quite apt all day. Now my sister has been able to save around 2K for an APT, and I offered to give her an additional 1K for an apartment. Now the kicker is she hasn’t been applying I’ve reminded her checking in each day, sending her links finding apartments for her etc.…. she’s telling me she applied but I’m not sure if she did. I’m encouraging her to find a place ASAP, as I want them into their own place and out my apartment. Yes I did invite them down really without a time limit but I would like to be able to enjoy my place soon. I’m on the verge of giving my sister 30 days, but haven’t as it’s my sister.

AMTA for telling my sister she can stay with me until she is on her feet, now wanting her out after only five months?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Mountain_Word9583 on 2024-01-21 19:36:43+00:00.

My dad is a reasonably healthy & active man in his early 80s. We had plans for him to visit my family this Spring, but he's cancelling because he is nervous about COVID and long flights to reach us are exhausting. He said he was having trouble sleeping due to anxiousness regarding the tentatively planned visit.

The thing is, I had been trying to get him to visit for years. He demurred because of COVID... but last year as things began to open up, and he got vaccinated, and he had a bout of it (which wasn't too serious), I thought he might be up for the trip. But he still refused. I talked to my sister to see if she could help convince him--instead, she sent an email to our dad and myself asking if he'd be up for visiting her. To my chagrin, he immediately said yes. I guess her idea was that my family could visit her town at the same time and that way we'd get to spend some time with my dad. Well, we didn't do that. Partly it was because she lives a 12 hour drive from us, partly because we had already done a big family trip just the previous summer to visit her, and partly because I was mad at how quickly he agreed to visit her after putting me off for years.

When I called him out on that he said it was because he could visit her with fewer legs (two to visit her vs. three to visit my family). I said if that's really the issue I could pick him up in the closest major airport (about 3 hours from my house) so that he could do it in two legs. So with some pressure, he agreed that he would visit my family in the future.

So fast forward to this year. A month or so ago I followed up. I told him that I had been looking at photos from his previous visit about 5 years ago and that it struck me that he hadn't seen his grandkids for half their life. I suggested that we plan for him to visit this Spring with me paying for the flight. He agreed... but shortly after that began expressing discomfort with the idea (both due to COVID and the strain of travel). To be fair, he is older and I'm sure it is exhausting--and while my family has moved on re: COVID, he's still taking precautions (e.g., masking up to use his apartment building's elevator).

A simple solution would be for my family to visit him--and perhaps we will at some point. But it is much more expensive for us to go there (5 flights, hotel, rental car, dining out, etc.) then it is for him to come here. Plus, between jobs & school, it is hard to set aside the time for that trip. Not impossible, but harder than it is for, say, a retired person.

So I've told him that I am hurt by this. And I unfriended him on Facebook, which is definitely a passive-aggressive move--my reasoning was that I do not want to enable him feeling like he's engaged with us via passive social media interactions. Plus passive aggression. I've probably put in him a bit of a bind--at this point if he visits it will feel like I just guilted him into it. My wife thinks I should just let him off the hook. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/throwawayRepulsive_B on 2024-01-21 19:34:48+00:00.

My son has an iPhone with child locks and parental controls to monitor his app usage. I also search through his phone every week. However, I decided to be more lenient, trusting him a bit more as he gets older. Which was a terrible idea. Recently, when I checked his phone after a few weeks, I discovered an app called "Text Now," which allows users to generate new phone numbers. There was a text thread with my half-brother's number.

It became apparent that my son had been posing as a woman, claiming to be pregnant and requesting abortion money from my brother. Admittedly, my half-brother is a bit wealthy and in our family he’s known for his occasional flings, but this was an outrageous manipulation of his trust.

Shocked, I confronted my son, who admitted he got the idea from TikTok and didn't fully comprehend the gravity of his actions. We took swift action, confiscating all his electronics, educating him on the legal consequences, and refunding my brother's money with a message explaining it was a scam.

Now, the dilemma lies in whether I should disclose to my half-brother that it was my son who orchestrated this deception. My husband believes transparency is essential, as my brother deserves to know the truth. However, my concern is the potential fallout for my son, given the legal ramifications and potential anger from my brother.

While we're not exceptionally close, I worry that my brother might press charges or take other extreme measures if he discovers the deception and realizes it was orchestrated by a child. Am I the asshole for choosing not to disclose my son's involvement to protect him, or should I prioritize honesty and face the consequences? I'm open to your insights and opinions.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Camimo666 on 2024-01-21 19:32:15+00:00.

**English is my second language, sorry if I mess up

My (25f) bf (23m) have been dating for almost three years now. We lived together from June-December. He just moved out from south carolina and is now living in georgia because he joined the army.

In october, he had to go to Kentucky for some in-processing into the army. He was gone for three weeks. When he came back, he had a... scent, to a woman's perfume. I was like very confused because, well, he doesn't even wear cologne. I asked him and he told me it was from his friend Kate. Obviously I was confused but whatever. Kinda ouchie. I also knew that him and Kate would be living in the same city. (we are now almost 7 hours away)

About a week later, he was taking some ugly pictures of me and i went to delete them. I saw that he had about 10-15 pictures with her. Some together and some of just her. Some of her sleeping, some of her eating. I asked him about them and he got sorta defensive but he deleted some of them.

Now, before he moved out, I asked him to please not go to her house or hang out with her alone because it just made me very uncomfortable knowing how close they were getting and that anything could happen. He promised me that he would NEVER EVER be alone with her, that he would not invite her to his house alone and that if she hosted, he would leave when people started to leave because "this relationship is important and he loves me".

Now, today, Kate is moving down to georgia as well as other friends of his. He told me that he might go and help her but her doesn't know when she's getting there. I said "hey i thought you weren't going to be alone with her.." He then called me ridiculous and dramatic. I just don’t understand why he would make a promise just to break it three weeks in.

For context, he has done stuff in the past that has broken the trust several times (he lied about getting the vaccine which was important as my parents are elderly and my mum had cancer) (he lied about some girl asking for his nudes, which he sent her anyways, it was blackmail but idl)

I know I’m not perfect, but am I crazy/ridiculous/the ahole

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/TiredAndUnmotivated3 on 2024-01-21 19:30:52+00:00.

I (17M) have been playing the harpsichord for close to seven years. When I first started I was very passionate about playing, but it quickly wore off. My mother was my biggest supporter and encouraged me to keep playing. However, I am really unmotivated to keep playing.

When I get home every day I only have an hour and a half before I go to bed and would really like to spend it on myself. However, my parents won’t let me quit. If I do quit, I have to take up another extracurricular activity. But I don’t have extra time to devote to anything. My teacher is getting upset and frustrated that I am not practicing. I don’t want to continue wasting her time, but my mother is dead set on me keeping on playing.

We have an expensive instrument in our living room because I play and she said it would be a waste of money if I quit. She isn’t wrong, but I have absolutely no interest in continuing to play. I’d like to focus my time on the SAT retest I have to take coming up and I also just don’t want to.

I’ve spoken to my parents about quitting and they said it’s just not an option. WIBTA if I told my teacher directly that I wanted to quit?