And Finally...

With Dry January well and truly over, the Church of England has taken the opportunity to proclaim that alcohol-free wine can’t be used for holy communion.

The Church’s governing body slapped down proposals for non-alcoholic wine and also gluten-free bread to be allowed during the ritual.

Instead, an Anglican leader insisted communion bread had to come from wheat flour and wine from the fermented juice of grapes.

Look how happy he is!

A Florida attorney Mark Roher, 52, is accused of assaulting a man with a dinner plate at a wedding reception, following a dispute over line-cutting at the Boca Lago Country Club in Boca Raton.

According to Palm Beach County Jail records, the altercation escalated from a verbal confrontation to a violent incident, resulting in Roher's arrest. The clash unfolded on January 18, with the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office detailing the events that transpired at the prime rib carving station during the wedding reception.

Roher allegedly became incensed when two young girls purportedly cut in front of him at the buffet line. Enraged by this breach of etiquette, Roher confronted the father of one of the girls, setting off a chain of events that culminated in a physical altercation.

Eye-witnesses and the victim provided their accounts of the altercation, painting a picture of escalating tensions and sudden violence. The victim recounted how Roher approached him, engaged in a heated argument, and then struck him on the head with a dinner plate without warning. The situation quickly spiraled into chaos as other wedding guests became involved in the melee.

A man who was caught with his pants down in a sauna claimed to have been 'warming up his chicken', a court has heard. Xin Zhang had been for a swim at a university leisure centre when a woman noticed him staring at her from the sauna.

The 59-year-old had shorts 'down to his knees' and was touching himself at the time, it is claimed. Prosecutors said he had become 'aroused' by the feeling of the pool jets on his bottom.

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He said Zhang had 'done some weird stuff previously' including 'pulling his shorts down' near 'air vents at the side of the pool' but that management had said previously they 'didn't have enough evidence to pull him in and to talk to him about it.'

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A member of management who spoke to him told the court that when he asked Zhang about what he was doing he said 'my chicken' and 'gestured with his hands.' He said he took that to mean that he was 'adjusting himself.'

Zhang, of Foundry Lane in Manchester, told police that 'chicken is what I call my genitals.' He told officers in his interview: "I was adjusting the inner layer of my shorts, because of my eczema I have them loose.'

In his basis of plea given at court, Zhang said he was 'warming' his privates as he was cold. He 'denied he was masturbating but conceded it may have looked like that for anyone watching,' the court was told.

Giving evidence himself, he said that he lay down in the sauna as he was 'cold, tired and hungry.' Speaking through a Mandarin interpreter, he claimed it was customers who set the temperature in the sauna.

He said: "I sat there for about seven or eight minutes and I still felt cold. "I realised my waistband had been tied too tight and I loosened my waistband."

He said after looking at his privates, he feared that 'there might be some kind of illness causing a problem.' "I was trying to warm it up" he said before he heard 'knocking on the windows.'

A man was arrested for manslaughter after allegedly smoking marijuana with a friend and shooting him after the friend said he could “dodge a bullet,” according to arrest documents.

Ashton Jonathan Mann, 23, was arrested just after 4 a.m. on Sunday, Feb. 2, on one count of second-degree felony manslaughter and one third-degree felony charge related to firearms.

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In an interview with detectives, after he was read his Miranda rights, Mann reportedly told officials he and his friend had smoked marijuana around 8 p.m., and were talking about guns in the kitchen.

Mann and his friend later went into the detached garage to continue their conversation. They were reportedly handling two different handguns when the victim “said he can dodge a bullet,” documents said.

Mann told officials he and his friend unloaded each gun before he pointed a firearm at the victim and pulled the trigger, with his friend trying to “jump out of the way to prove he could move before the trigger was pulled.” Mann told officials they repeated that about six times.

“[Mann] said the final time the gun fired striking [the victim] in the chest,” arrest documents said.

cross-posted from: https://feddit.uk/post/23712598

A pub scored an own goal with a promotion offering a free pint every time Nottingham Forest scored - only for the Reds to win 7-0.

The Gedling Inn, in Nottinghamshire, came up with the promotion to spread the word after it started to televise local Premier League games at the venue.

But the incentive backfired after Forest scored seven without reply against Brighton on Saturday - and almost 300 free beers were handed over the bar.

Landlady Beccy Webster said: "When the final whistle went, I just said 'phew!'"

A man who told doctors he ate nothing, but 6–9 pounds of butter, cheese and hamburgers every day for eight months ended up at Tampa General Hospital with yellowish lumps of cholesterol developing on parts of his body.

The backstory: According to JAMA Cardiology, a man, who is only identified as being in his 40s, told doctors that he got diet advice from the internet and began following an extreme carnivore diet.

For eight months, he only ate 6–9 pounds of butter, cheese and hamburgers a day. He stopped eating all carbohydrates, such as bread and sugar.

At first, he said he felt great. He lost weight, became more energetic and had more mental clarity.

But after about eight months, he started developing yellow lesions on his eyelids. Over the next month, the yellow lesions appeared on the palms of his hands, the soles of his feet and his elbows.

Doctors diagnosed him with xanthelasma, a rare condition that impacts about 1% of patients with high cholesterol.

Dig deeper: Xanthelasma is yellow raised deposits of cholesterol that appear under the skin because the body cannot process it.

These dogs that have been painted orange and black to look like tigers may look cute but critics have hit out at the zoo responsible.

Video footage shows a Chow Chow running around while covered in the paint at the Qinhu Bay Forest Animal Kingdom zoo in Taizhou, China.

Other pictures shared show two other Chow Chow dogs, that are native to China, also covered in paint.

The zoo soon admitted it had all been a ‘gimmick’ and said there was no health risk to the dogs because the dye was put on professionally.

Beady-eyed social media users on Douyin, China’s version of TikTok, were quick to notice these were definitely not big cats.

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But this is not the first time a zoo in China has dyed dogs to look like another animal.

Taizhou Zoo dyed two Chow Chow dogs black and white to make them look like panda bears in May 2024.

Chinese state media accused the zoo of trying to deceive visitors into thinking the animals were actual pandas.

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In 2023, Hangzhou Zoo, in the Chinese province of Zhejiang, had to issue a statement insisting its sun bears were not humans in costume.

And previously:

• Zoo defends ‘panda’ exhibit after criticism for using dogs dyed black and white
• Zoo admits that their pandas are actually ‘painted dogs’

An a-peel-ing mystery deepens after another plate of peeled bananas was left in a leafy Nottinghamshire street and disappeared after just one night.

While inquiries by residents into who left them behind have so far proved fruitless, the bananas piled high on a plate have been left for over a year - and another plate was discovered on Saturday night.

According to residents, the fruity deposit arrives overnight between the first and second day of each month, when about 16-20 peeled bananas are left out on the corner of Abbey Road and Wensor Avenue in Beeston.

Luke Roberts and Jai Brewer, who travelled three hours from Slough to see the landmark on Sunday morning, were left disappointed when they found the plate had gone missing.

Ryan Smith, 42, was sentenced Monday to 90 days in jail on charges of theft by shoplifting ($501 to $1,499, first-degree criminal trespassing and impersonating a peace officer. He was given credit for six days served.

According to an arrest affidavit, in October 2023, an investigator with the Sarpy County Sheriff’s Office responded to an apartment complex in Omaha for a report of a deceased person inside. Court records do not suggest any foul play.

The investigator says he then called MidAmerica First Call to transport the body to the morgue for an autopsy. He added that there was a life-sized sex doll near the bed in the room, with Smith and another employee making comments about it.

The affidavit says management of the apartment complex called and reported Smith had requested he be let inside to retrieve the sex doll. When management denied his request, court records say he allegedly went inside the apartment, latched the deadbolt and secured the chain across the door.

The affidavit says that when the apartment manager spoke with Smith his shirt “was untucked and his pants were in disarray.”

The investigator says the sex doll appeared to have been altered near her thigh area and was “sticky to the touch

And previously:

• Morgue worker tried to steal sex doll from dead man's home for ‘evidentiary purposes' - the earlier report, this is the charging

A Chester woman has denied having an offensive bumper sticker on her car and will face a trial in the spring.

Georgia Venables, 29 and of Prenton Place in Chester, pleaded not guilty to one charge of displaying threatening/abusive writing/sign/visible representation likely to cause harassment/alarm/distress at Chester Magistrates Court on Tuesday.

CPS prosecutor Valeriya Tonkinson told the court that on January 8 this year, the defendant was seen travelling on Deva Link with a bumper sticker that said ‘Don’t be a cunt’.

For a second I thought Trump was in Florida again.

A piece of fossilised vomit dating back to the time of the dinosaurs has been discovered in Denmark.

Local fossil hunter Peter Bennicke found the fossil at Stevns Klint - a Unesco-listed coastal cliff in the east of the country.

The self-declared "fossil geek" said he came across some unusual-looking fragments which turned out to be pieces of sea lily - an underwater species related to starfish and sea urchins - in a piece of chalk.

Mr Bennicke took the fragments to be examined at the Museum of East Zealand, which confirmed the vomit could be dated to the end of the Cretaceous period 66 million years ago - a time when dinosaurs including Tyrannosaurus and Triceratops existed.

Jesper Milan, palaeontologist and curator at the museum, told the BBC it was "truly an unusual find" as it helps explain relationships in the prehistoric food chain.

"It tells us something about who was eating who 66 million years ago," he said.

During the period fish and sharks would eat sea lilies, which are hard to digest meaning they would then "regurgitate all the chalk bits", he explained.

A flatulent whale sparked fears Russian spy drones were spying on UK nuclear submarines on behalf of Vladimir Putin.

The suspected farting was twice picked up by Navy sensors that had been scanning key locations around the UK to see if the country's enemies were spying on top military vessels. The sound initially raised concerns that Putin's drones had dropped a device on the seabed between between Applecross in North West Scotland and the Isle of Raasay.

The stinky vibrations were first spotted moving toward the open sea and away from the range. It returned a few days later before travelling south toward the Skye Bridge until it turned around and left.

An unnamed naval official told The Sun: "We have been analysing the sounds and now believe it was a marine mammal. A whale.” Another source told the outlet: "We are taking it very seriously. We have to assume the worst."

A pensioner has spoken about how he fought off a mugger with the aid of a pair of jeans.

Ron Croker, 84, was drying his clothes at the Coin-Op Launderette in Maltby, near Rotherham, on the morning of 7 January when a masked thug burst in and demanded money.

Thinking the man could be carrying a knife, Ron grabbed his newly folded jeans, wrapped them around his hand and arm and shoved the attacker back.

"I've worked all my life for my money. He's not having it," Mr Croker said.

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After a brief scuffle, Mr Croker managed to push the assailant back towards the door with his jeans wrapped tightly around his hand.

"I gave him an almighty shove and he went rolling into the road."

Mr Croker sustained bruises to his hands and arm in the incident but otherwise escaped without losing his wallet or any other items.

But he admits the experience has left him "shaken" and "struggling to sleep".

"I do think about it when it's quiet at night. That's when the thoughts come. But I don't regret it."

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A fundraiser to support Mr Croker has also been set up and more than £2,000 has been donated.

Carl Goodfellow, who started the page, said: "Let's spread some joy into this man's life and show him he is not alone."

Police say that the man had been intoxicated and began arguing with patrons inside the establishment, and that the dispute then spilled into the street. At some point in the melee, the aggressor's pants fell down and his penis apparently became stuck to the ice. Somehow, though details were not specified, emergency personnel managed to detach him, relatively uninjured. He was subsequently arrested but not charged with a crime.

cross-posted from: https://feddit.uk/post/23281078

A man’s ongoing efforts to track down the elusive sasquatch in remote areas of British Columbia suggest he’s capable of working, and therefore not entitled to spousal support, a judge has ruled.

The unusual circumstances were detailed in a recent divorce decision handed down in B.C. Supreme Court, which makes multiple references to the 57-year-old’s sasquatch-seeking expeditions.

It was one such venture that led to the couple’s separation in August 2020.

His wife told the court he went on a camping trip on Vancouver Island that month in search of the mythical ape-like creature – and brought along an ex-girlfriend without telling her.

“The respondent was extremely upset by this,” Justice Robin Baird wrote, in his Jan. 17 decision.

“Before the claimant returned home she fired off a text to him declaring that their marriage was over, and she never changed her mind.”

The husband’s claim for spousal support also hinged on him being unable to work due to a mishap that occurred during a previous sasquatch outing years earlier.

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But Baird was ultimately not convinced the husband was left “totally disabled” by the accident, or that he “cannot earn income from employment of some kind or other” – partly because of his ongoing sasquatch-related endeavours.

“The claimant continues to enjoy camping, fishing, hunting, riding ‘quad’ motorcycles, and exploring remote areas of B.C. in search of sasquatch,” the judge wrote.

He had been given his first mobile phone for his 18th birthday and had just discovered text messaging.

He made up a random number and sent off a message saying "hello", to which his future wife Kirsty wrote back "hi".

They said: "That single moment led to over 20 years of love, laughter, and partnership."

Out of several messages to unknown numbers he sent from the Coventry pub where he was working that night, Kirsty in Cleethorpes was the only one to reply.

In 2002, the couple got married in Scotland, where Kirsty is from, and now have two children, aged six and nine.

Mini painter and model builder Michael Patterson, of YouTuber channel Nat 1 Videos, has successfully launched a Warhammer 40k Space Marine miniature into low orbit. He tells us how he achieved this feat using a weather balloon, help from his engineer brother Stephen, and a lot of messages to the British Civil Aviation Authority.

Stephen and Michael are “both nerds, but very different kinds of nerds”: while Michael builds DnD terrain, Lord of the Rings dioramas, and Warhammer 40k cosplay props for his YouTube channel, Stephen has a PhD from Imperial College and teaches engineering in London.

Stephen “runs a programme for his students where they launch small satellites called ‘can sats’ by using large weather balloons”, Michael says. The project to send a Space Marine into space “came about as a way for my brother and I to spend time together”, he explains, an activity that combined his “love of the miniature-based hobby” and his brother’s love “of sending stuff into the stratosphere”.

You can watch the project’s diaries, and the incredible footage of the Space Marine floating at the very limits of earth’s atmosphere, in the video below.

Video below

A stubborn grandfather had a motorway built around his house in China after refusing to move, despite being offered £180,000 in compensation.

Huang Ping’s two-storey home in Jinxi, China, is now surrounded by a construction site with constant dust, noisy builders and vibrating walls.

He says he now regrets not taking the Chinese government’s money and fears what living in his property will be like once the expressway opens in Spring.

“If I could turn back time, I would agree to the demolition conditions they offered. Now it feels like I lost a big bet,” he said.

A cruise company was forced to apologize after employees dressed up as "upside down snow cones" were mistaken for KKK members in videos shared online.

Videos and photos shared to social media showed crew members dressed head-to-toe in white and wearing pointed, cone-shaped hats with white masks attached to them, with only holes for their eyes.

While some passengers can be heard clapping and cheering, others can be heard gasping and whispering. In a video obtained by RT.com, one passenger can be heard saying "what happened" while others can be heard booing.

After several passengers and social media users thought that the costumes looked like KKK members, P&O Cruises Australia issued an apology clarifying that the staff was supposed to be dressed as "snow cones."

A bid to free five elephants from a Colorado zoo has been rejected after a court ruled elephants are not people.

An animal rights group argued Missy, Kimba, Lucky, LouLou and Jambo were effectively imprisoned at the zoo, and had filed to have them moved to an elephant sanctuary.

It tried to bring a habeas corpus claim on behalf of the animals - a legal process which allows a person to challenge their detention in court.

The Colorado Supreme Court said the matter boiled down to "whether an elephant is a person" and therefore had the same liberty rights as a human - ultimately deciding that they did not.

It ruled 6-0 in favour of a previous district court decision that said the state's habeas corpus process "only applies to persons, and not to nonhuman animals".

This was true "no matter how cognitively, psychologically, or socially sophisticated they may be," State Supreme Court Justice Maria Berkenkotter added in her ruling, external.

While she said the five elderly African elephants were "majestic," the court ruled the claim could not be brought "because an elephant is not a person".