likely in response to my comments on the beehaw post, which i linked to (hopefully im doing this right?). apparently, calling people you dont know for the first time "they/them" before being told their pronouns is "misgendering". absurd. this kind of attitude threatens the larger LGBTQ community and is partially why cishets hate us after we won so much progress back in the 00s and 10s.
im a queer person. im neurodivergent. this shit is so goddamn fucking annoying, especially as an older queer who got physically assaulted on a near daily basis for being queer in the 90s. the kids today get their panties in a twist over being supposedly "misgendered" by someone calling them gender neutral pronouns before being corrected. narcissistic victimhood bullshit.
anyways, now banned from one of my favorite instances. meanwhile in the US theyre planning on hunting us. but yeah, lets ban fellow queers over their view that people who get mad about being "misgendered" when they arent (cis people are also referred to as "they/them" before further context in a conversation with a stranger) are just attention seeking brats that threaten the larger movement. its so obvious to me that the brats who find reason to be offended over innocent pronoun use never faced real adversity, like getting repeatedly physically beaten.
edit - the best part of all of this is i faced no moderation from beehaw and all of my comments are +1 or higher. power tripping oversensitive neurodivergent hating bastard of a mod over at blahaj IMO.
edit 2 - did this wrong. heres a link to the post i think got me banned from blahaj and a screenshot about it https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/37659465
Edit 3 - apparently I did nothing wrong until I made my thoughts known about how the pronoun police fucked over the larger LGBTQ community as our rights are backsliding in America. Yall are gonna whine about being misgendered to the concentration camp guards at the rate we’re going. God forbid I be angry that while queers were busy fighting over pronouns our adversaries stuffed the courts, stuffed the school boards, couped the government, and are installing a fascist dictatorship. When I say that these fucking toddlers are going to learn what real oppression tastes like, that’s what I mean. It’s not that I want us to be hurt or oppressed (as the dog piling idiots have interpreted), it’s that the younger generation is weak as hell and lost the fucking plot in the fight for our rights. I grew up getting beaten in the streets for being queer only for these kids to claim their pronouns not being mind-read is oppression!
I think I came across as angrier than I intended. My personal experience with poly people, for one, lines up pretty well with yours. There is many reasons I'm an ethical monogamist now, and all of them are people I've dated. I was only a little offended at the jab towards poly people. The main reasons I am angry are just that there's so much else that wrong out there.
I also did not intend to compare you to my Christian friend. I meant to use her as a human example of the other problems out there. Tbh I think it undermined my intended point, which was that we should not be direction anger into our own community when I know you can see how shit it is out there for gays. It's much better than back when you were a baby gay, that's for sure, but there are so many bigots out there trying to shove us back in the closet. Why waste you energy on stuff that doesn't matter?
I also just want to be clear I don't think you are homophobic or anything like that, and I think we agree on pretty much everything. That's why I am talking to you. I just think you are wasting your energy on stuff that doesn't matter. Forgiveness takes energy. Our community is full of traumatized people who have big complexes about bullshit that doesn't matter and will lash out over microaggressions they've been conditioned to expect but aren't actually there. Baby gays don't know how to deal with their own trauma yet. Hopefully they will get better about it as they get older and more experienced.
I think a little more relevant example for forgiveness is this one time I had a kid in my class who was a Ukranian refugee. He was 3, so he was old enough to talk but not old enough to think through his actions before he does them. Very smart kid, but he had no way to deal with the trauma of being a refugee, and was definitely either autistic or something similar. He was quite prone to tantrums. How else was he supposed to deal with it? He has, at various points, bit me, stabbed me with pencils, screamed in my ear, broken my glasses, tried to rip my ears off my head, and many other things. I always made it clear thst i forgave him, and he always said sorry to me after. He got better over time. I know this isn't a perfect metaphor, because it's not acceptable for an adult to react to misgendering by stabbing the misgenderer with a pencil and breaking their glasses, but I think you see what I'm talking about. Most importantly, I have to forgive this child. What's the alternative? Holding a grudge against this 3-year-old? Caving his face in? No! That doesn't make sense! Giving forgiveness doesn't mean "I absolve this child of guilt for stabbing me and breaking my glasses", it means making an effort to let go of your own pain so you can heal and move on without your life.
Edit: wow, that was a wall of text. I think I needed a reason to get that off my chest. Thanks, I guess
What is ethical monogamist if not a typical committed monogamous relationship where you don’t fuck each other over emotionally?
This is why I’m so heated about the pronoun police finding things to be mad about. It’s in bad faith.
Ethical monogamy is basically when a poly person who has chosen to be in a monogamous relationship. More specifically, it is distinguished from "normal" monogamy in two ways:
So yeah, it's just basic decency imho
Don’t take this personally but I don’t trust poly people “choosing” to be mono. That’s a situation I was in.
I believe, like sexuality, it is hardwired. Either you are or you aren’t, and if you’re in your unnatural state for long enough you’ll resent it and go back to your natural state. Whichever it is, I think it goes both ways for poly and mono.
As for point 2 I always discuss this with partners and I’m not poly at all. Better for everyone to be on the same page about expectations.