this post was submitted on 25 May 2025
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"NO BI GIRLS". I get why women fear this but this phrase doesn't say a lot about her tolerance.
Demands about the kind of message they want. I've seen a few women say things like "if you want a message back you've got to say more than just 'great tattoos' it has to be a really stimulating opener". Ffs when you've got a 3 line profile I don't have a lot to go on!
Men with any kind of aggression towards women in their profile.
Men with jokes about women that have a nasty streak.
So...many...
I understand what you're saying, however as a lesbian the last time I tried dating online I had lots, and I mean SHITLOADS, of nice chats with women who, after a week of working up to ready for a RL date, then dumped on me that they're happily married and were looking for a side piece / unicorn / partner in cuckolding / you name it.
This was with a thorough profile that clearly stated that I was looking for a monogamous life partner who was a woman or somewhere on the fem to androgynous spectrum.
I also had lots of messages from men, even though my profile was set to receive messages from women only.
In 6 months of trying every day I'd managed one date that went badly. It was bad enough that I gave up on the idea and deleted my profile, and was on my own for a year ... then I met my now-wife while doing a sociable hobby. She's bi, and not weird about it.
Fuck online dating, and fuck any women who attach "bi" to their self descriptions who just want to treat lesbians like a sex toy. It's their fault we have to put that in our profiles.
Lord those are particularly bad experiences I'm sorry you went through that. I see it differently but I understand your point of view
It's the reason the message gets put on profiles, rightly or wrongly ... sorry.
If you're serious then message them authentically anyway (maybe mention that you're single and serious about a real relationship), 95% won't care that you're bi and the remaining gold star lesbians are insufferable anyway ;-)
No mate it's not that, it's just that I do a lot of voluntary work in the community and I've seen the impact on bi people. Plus my own beliefs are we all have to stand together as a community. I've had truly awful experiences with 2 bi partners though so I do get it. Including the classic bi stereotype of cheating on me with a man...
Duly noted ... and yes, the community should stick together. But. When it comes to personal choices of who to engage with with a view to forming an intimate bond, then people have to be able to set their own parameters.
I understand your perspective 😊
Just to be real, if a profile says no bi girls, anyone who is coming into things authentically is just going to respect that (or not want a partner who is okay with biphobic sentiments like that) and simply not message. Anyone you're trying to exclude is not reading that far.
I'm a bi woman and the same keeps happening to us, too. It has nothing to do with bi or lesbian, there are just shitty people out there. The second I put "bisexual" in a profile I got flooded with requests for threesomes from both men and women.
I'm guessing it hurts even more if those people are appropriating your chosen identifier in order to prey on others :-(
As someone who is bi (well, 2 on Kinsey if you go aulde skoole; the kiddies would probably use pan), please let me apologize for the faux-bis treating you like you're just a playing piece in a game. That kind of behaviour is utterly repulsive and those who engage in it deserve to be shamed publicly for it.
You don't have to apologise for the behaviour of others, I just wanted to provide context for why it happens!
Christ, i wonder how many of those women were actually bi and how many were just brainwashed unicorn hunters
All from column 2, I think.
I believe that a large chunk of biphobia comes from LG&T peoples experiences with this sort of thing.
yeah I had an old girlfriend hit me up last year....because she was now married and her hubs wanted a unicorn. Noped so fast I left vapor trails
Big oof (as I'm told the kids say today)
the seriously ridiculous thing is I'm ALSO married...which came up like, immediately, but apparently she thought because she liked to fuck around I did too. No. I do not.
I'd factor culture in here. There are tragic reasons for why bisexual people in China are not liked in the queer community, for example. Not legit, but understandable.
Yep IME it's usually painful experiences behind it. What's the story with bisexual people in China?
First you have to understand the INCREDIBLE pressure young people, men and women alike, are under to procreate in China. This dates back thousands of years and shows no signs of slackening. There is tremendous pressure from family, from friends, and from society in general to be married and with child by the age of 25. ABSOLUTE TOPS.
Note: this pressure is applied if you're gay or lesbian. Everybody in a queer relationship knows that they're doomed. That they'll be forced, in the end, to be in a loveless marriage with someone they don't have any attraction with so they can together raise a child.
Am I painting a bleak enough picture? Lesbians in particular are the ones who get hit hardest because they bear the costs of child-bearing and the ones who get saddled with raising children alone when, inevitably, the husband divorces her (c.f. the loveless marriage bit).
Now there are mitigating strategies that the queer communities use. There's the "co-bearding" approach where gay couple Aaron and Barry arrange to marry lesbian couple Caitlin and Dinah. So officially and publicly Aaron and Caitlin are married as are Barry and Dinah, but in reality the actual couples are Aaron/Barry and Caitlin/Dinah. It works, but is pretty complicated and not really available to everybody despite the best efforts of the queer community.
But bisexuals are a monkey wrench in all that. They don't have that unhappy end that most queer romances end up in. So let's say I get into a relationship with a woman here, I'm fine, she's fine. We're in love. We're enjoying each other's company. But we both know that this is non-permanent. There's a huge difference though: I pass as het. When (not if) the pressure forces me to seek a husband and procreate, I can do that and have a loving marriage with a man who turns my crank just like my current lover does. She doesn't have that happy outcome.
And that generates INTENSE resentment.
That's sad but really interesting thanks