this post was submitted on 25 May 2025
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The Gospel According to Luke
18 A certain ruler asked him, “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” 19 Jesus said to him, “Why do you call me good? No one is good but God alone. 20 You know the commandments: ‘You shall not commit adultery. You shall not murder. You shall not steal. You shall not bear false witness. Honor your father and mother.’ ” 21 He replied, “I have kept all these since my youth.” 22 When Jesus heard this, he said to him, “There is still one thing lacking. Sell all that you own and distribute the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.” 23 But when he heard this, he became sad, for he was very rich. 24 Jesus looked at him and said, “How hard it is for those who have wealth to enter the kingdom of God! 25 Indeed, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.”
Here's my personal fave:
Exodus 21:20
Most Christians believe the old laws of Israel were abolished by Christ.
Some of us believe he was a philosopher, and verses like this are contradictory to his general philosophy, therefore obviously not part of it.
No, Jesus condoned slavery. Both explicitly by using slavery as a metaphor, and using it in his parables, and implicitly by never once simply saying, "hey guys, maybe humans shouldn't be seen as property."
Instead he said things like:
(Law that includes separate rules for treating your Hebrew vs Gentile slaves, and how to properly enslave the offspring of your current slaves)
Jesus never spoke of slaves in any way that would suggest he had any problem with the practice whatsoever. And he was certainly in a position to make a statement about it.
The New Testament is also full of pro-slavery sentiment by his followers in: 1 Peter, 1 Timothy, Colossians, Ephesians, and probably others.
Sounds like a pretty dogshit philosopher if he can't even say slavery is bad while literally surrounded by the practice.
The Gospel according to Capitalism
Greed is good
This one in Matthew feels relevant here too:
19 “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust[a] destroy and where thieves break in and steal, 20 but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.