Asklemmy

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I feel like there is a window that moves with you as you age. At 47 I find women attractive up to their early 50s, and down into their 30s.

I mean dating attractive here. I'm not going to try and claim that a hot twenty something on the telly does nothing for me

One of the men I've most respected and most trusted in my life told me once (at the time a teenager) that when he was in his 20s, women in their 20s were so hot and seeing a barely clothed young woman was so hot. But he said that now that he was in his 40s, women in his 40s were so hot and whenever he looked at a woman in her 20s all he could think of was that she could be his daughter and that he just felt protective and there was nothing hot or attractive about her.

I'm a woman, but when I was in my teens and early 20s guys in their teens and early 20s seemed so attractive and anyone older was not it. Now that I'm in my early 30s I'm so attracted to men in their 30s and I look at teens and guys in their early 20s and they just seem like babies to me. I actually deal with a lot of young guys with my work and they're all cool people and I love talking to them, but dating them? Ugh, no thank you. They were in elementary school (or younger) when I was graduating high school. So yeah, I think for a lot of people your goalposts move as you move, and that's not a bad thing. I also am curious as to whether I'll someday find 60 or 70 year old men hot, but I've got a long ways to go.

I'm 30 now and i will find women my age and up attractive, but 15 years ago a 35 year old women would never have been attractive to me.

Lmao when I was 15 I was spanking the monkey to MILF porn. Thank you Deauxma and Nina Hartley.

That's what I hear happens. I'm sure the effect must stop working at some point, but so far I'm cruising.

Consider that "attractive" won't always be skewed so heavily towards appearance. As I've gotten older attitude and personality matters at least as much as physical appearance. When I was 25 I was probably 90/10 (appearance/personality), now (55) I'm probably 40/60.

I'm a lady, not a man. But yes as I have gotten older, my taste has too, I don't know if that goes on forever but mid-50s and (sorry) 30 year old guys look like people who would be dating my kids, they look like kids to me.

Certainly not MOST 50-60 year old guys look good to me but the ones who do, they sure do. Take care of your body, don't get fat, do some exercise. You can look good at 30 without care but not 50, not 60.

As the people we relate to change, so too do the things we find attractive in people. This will be a constantly changing thing

So far what I learned, is that many factors play into attraction. Looks are one. A big factor for me is also seeing someone as an equal. Fuck dates are fine with much younger or older ones but dating and a relationship, nop. I want to take the other one serious, I want to be in about the same stage of life experience, to have similar goals and similar pop culture references (tv shows, music, games that we played as kids). Seeing someone as an equal comes with similar age for me.

Being in my 40s, I am relieved to say that I keep finding women attractive that are my age, and I look at people in their 20s as, well, kids. Even in my porn, I keep looking for women more my age.

That's true physically, but also emotionally. There is a humbling nearly all decent people seem to go through in their late 20s to 30s that at this point is a necessary point of bonding for me.

When I was 15 I was really concerned that I’d always be attracted to 14 year old girls. I’m in my 40s now and 30 year olds look like babies to me.

There isn't a limit, your tastes on what you consider "attractive" will change over time. When one is young one only thinks on reproduction, and the older one gets, the more prevalent just having someone who you enjoy keeping you company.

I’d imagine you accept what is realistically available to you. You’d not really have anything in common with people outside a certain window so as you age these “older” people are just your peers from a similar vintage so to speak so a lot of things make sense and are common between you and each year they just happen to be a year older…

just turned 40, i can def tell when someone in their 20s is hot, but I'd be really unlikely to date them. But, for example, meeting some rando at a bar and hooking up is different, as long as everyone is on board with the situation and consents. I've started finding older women attractive more than I would have when I was younger, it's just hard to meet people at this age and covid wasted my late 30s doing nothing

god i wish most men were like this. but there's 50 yr old men out there dating women fresh out of highschool, yuck

Xaviera Hollander said that a man isn't old until there are no women his own age he finds attractive.

its normal. my tastes have changed as I've aged. luckily my partner didn't stay in her 20s either lol

Physical attraction is a tingling of the spine. It's basically relying on the animal in all of us. Not that it's inherently a bad or good thing, it's just a fact. I believe "young, dumb and full of cum" is the phrase, that or the misnomer: "you can't fuck a great personality", exclaimed by probably many a young boy who want to "spread their seed". All of these terms speak to a time when hormones were raging and the cup filleth over, when self discipline needs to be taught so that the young minds don't run amok.

But the fact is, you can fuck a great personality. Emotional attraction, intellectual attraction, or even spiritual attraction, often gets overlooked - especially in the younger years. It's something that becomes more important as your grown older.

The act of physical intimacy however is exactly that, intimate. It's a matter of trust, communication, a melding of minds and bodies, something that knows no age. Attraction can be based on several factors, physical attractiveness being only one of them, and can be the way you focus on cultivating your emotions to not prioritize physical attractiveness as much. This is hard in the world we live in, as beauty standards and vanity run rampant.

After all this I'd have to say yes, your grandparents might be fucking - like right now. Give your grandad a cockblock call, and I think his fist might be attracted to your face. At least that never changes.

Yeah. Don’t worry. Everything is gonna be irie. When you’re eighty there’s gonna be some sweet seventy six year old that’ll catch your eye. It’s how it is.

I have heard that you should divide by two and add 7.

I am 40, so that would mean I should be attracted to 27 year olds and up. Generally, it checks out. Caveats may apply, as people are, you know, different.

At any age you are, there is a difference between the age you feel and the age your peers look to you.

If you dont spend time around a variety of people you are unlikely to readjust your mental image of what the age you feel looks like.

How many new people do you spend time with on a regular basis.

How do you spend your time?

When we are younger we are constantly put into a situation where you are surrounded by people your own age that you see every week multiple times(typically school and other group based hobbies like sports) but also people who are 1 to 5 years your junior and senior who you may not talk with much but they are still a part of what you encounter all the time.

As you get older this environment shifts. Post highschool students start to see their classmates diversify in age. They are still your peers but age isnt no longer (as much) the defining factor of who you will engage with and work with, but its usually not suddenly all your classmates are now more than a few years older or younger than you.

This starts to expand but also stunt your change in what your perceptionnof what you see around you and who you see as a reflection of what people your age look like.

And those who dont continue education are typically just entering a workforce and now have a lot less people like them around them. Age at work places are much more varied, but its also different depending on the field you work in.

Life starts to get weird in your 20s because its not the same as your experience of the people you see as your own age(among other things).

But we also typically have stopped growing taller by this point. Which i think adds a lot.

So when you as a 20 something now start getting to know people who could be or almost be your parents you have been trained to recognize age as a qualifier, and at 14 you probably should see age as a good indicator of people who are likely to be people you can relate to.

Its easier to see differences than similarities. They jump out at you. Like boiling a frog you dont know that things are changing so you dont react the same way as if you are suddenly hit with it.

Of course this isnt everyones experience, but it does happen enough that its worth giving some thought to.

When I was a teenager, the people who are my age now seemed really old and because of that there was no attraction.

Now when I see a grey hair, or a new wrinkle on my partner it's the hottest thing. We connect with each other about real life, she knows me well and helps me center myself.

I too hope that feeling continues to 60 years old and beyond, and I have a growing suspicion that it will so long as we both continue to work on staying healthy and attractive.

Really I'm grateful for anyone who gives me the time of day.