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Read the bible and tell me he's wrong. Poor characterization, wandering plot, endless instructions stuffed into the middle of irrelevant chapters, many cases of the main character "God" supporting and encouraging crimes like rape and murder, and it's soooooo long. Brevity is the soul of wit, disciples! Get your shit together and learn to edit.
Thanks for always watching out for me Satan!
Ma boi beelz has my back
It's also more of an anthology but the editor clearly didn't do their job. You've got a book of fables right next to a genealogy list. Later on there's literally 4 versions of the same damn story. And then they jammed some fanfic writers apocalyptic crap at the end.
Also 3 of the versions describe the crucifixion as Christ being tied to the cross, only one of them said anything about being nailed to the cross.
Seeing it described like this, I wonder if we'll ever see an edited version that's organized more like LOTR. Throw the genealogy crap and miscellaneous garbage into a seperate book you can choose to look at if you want, and throw the main stories into their own books.
The Prophet, or There and Back Again, and Back Again. A Jewish Tale by Moses
The King of the Jews
Honestly, I bet a good fiction writer could do this really well and it'd make a lot of money. I don't know if you aim for actual religious people or make it as a parody though.
Would he even dislike it? God does so much terrible stuff in there, you actually support Satan's attempt to overthrow him.
Also, the best way to turn someone away from religion is to actually make them read the bible.
That's why they do "Bible studies", so they only read the good parts while also interpreting them to their convenience
tbf if I had to read a 3000 page book I'd want to skip to the good parts too
How to turn them away from Christianity, for sure.
That's what I'd say about Nazis and mein Kampf, yet...
Satan is the one telling the truth in the fable.
The serpent is basically the first teacher within the story, a Prometheus like character freeing mortals from oppression by unjust gods to make their own decisions. Makes me wonder how the Greeks viewed Prometheus in his story (though not enough to actually look it up), to me Prometheus seems the obvious hero of the tale, but did they view him the way people view the serpent?
even today, there's memes about the first fish leaving the ocean and saying it should've gone back/stayed, since it eventually led to the present day with all it's stresses/etc. So it's probably a recurring theme throughout history of humans pining for an ignorant but blissful (or at least simple) existance.
another meme example is the meme that's like "you wake up as a lizard sunning on a rock. "Selling feet pics" to "pay student loans" quickly loses it's meaning as you lick your eyeball. Time to eat a bug."
Hate to say it but Satan has got a point, both for the book because it's poorly written and horribly outdated, and also for the app that almost certainly collects huge amounts of data from anyone who uses it.
Also, really not a fan of the publishers repeatedly falsely crediting chapters to a dead author.
Lol why even download a Bible app when you could get an ePUB?
Does your ePub file collect data for the LORD?
In five star rating you can only give one to five stars, not zero.
Satan is something of a bad boy
He's a great guy and the writer has a bias against him so we let him bend the rules here and there.
You and me for sure, but satan can
There is no global standard that says that. Everyone can have their own rating system. The Times uses 0-5.
Naah. I don't use stars, but I use an equivalent on my rating blog, and I can absolutely do zero or even arbitrary fractional values, such as 0.5 or 22/7 or 4.997.
NGL their marketing Team got creative with this one.
I didn't know that former hockey star Miroslav Satan wrote app reviews!
Clearly it's Šatan
Yeah I know, but drawing attention to that spoils the joke.
Genious marketing