He can buy anything in the world. Except the one thing he truly craves: love. He's a Disney villain, basically. Like king Haggard from The Last Unicorn.
this post was submitted on 19 Feb 2025
735 points (98.5% liked)
The Onion
5989 readers
972 users here now
The Onion
A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
- The Onion
- Clickhole
- McSweeney's
- Reductress
- The Chaser
- The Hard Times
- The Needling
- Tattletale Times
- The Beaverton
founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
All these fools resemble Homelander from The Boys and think that that's actually cool. Emotionally-stunted children, the lot of them. Not just those whose faces we see every day, but all the idiots in the background pandering to their shit, trying to appease them by suggesting we should allow third terms, or make Trump's birthday a national holiday, etc.
Give me a fucking break.
Wanna bet that they actually watch The Boys and think "Homelander is so cool because he can do whatever he wants. No one can tell him no"
I wonder if it ever occurred to him, to maybe try not being a dick.
Even bill gates managed to pull off some good PR with all his gates foundation bullshit, which made everyone seem to forget about his image from the 90s. (For a while.)
It’s funny because he’s now a villain for all the wrong reasons.
You know, with the eating kids and microchipping everyone according to the wackos lol.
What a world.
You mean gates? He’s still a dick though. He just managed to hide it for a couple of decades, before it revealed itself again.
I'm sure the one he's been wearing as a hat since that CEO got shot is going to be different.
Wouldn't be surprised if he names his next kid LOU (Luigi Obstruction Unit)
So he's going to keep having kids until he's eventually able to Neuralink them to like him?
I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he does this some day. Like, I'm not being facetious. He would do this if he could. That's how much of a piece of shit this guy is, just in case the Nazi salutes didn't drive it home for everyone.
There's no way Techno Mechanicus is 100% organic.
It's kinda weird most of his kids are conceived via IVF.
Sounds like his dick doesn't work lol
He recently knocked up a right wing influencer. She just posted a statement saying something about “negotiating acknowledgement of the child” secretly with Elon but the tabloids are about to expose them. Maybe it’s an elaborate ruse to seem like a young virile stud just impregnating women left and right but I think the IVF is to select only boys
God how funny would that be. The child was never real and it's as fake as his "gaming career"
He saw The King and I and was like ''why don't I have 100s of kids?''
I think it's likely he does genetic screening or even gene editing for his offspring. This would align with his other futuristic and transhumanist ideas.
If he's editing their genes why do they all still have his ugly mug?
Also women don't want to have sex with him.
I'm sure he could find some if he paid them enough.
It nobody actually wants him to stick his dick inside them?
Again, where satire?
In the picture he looks like Eminem who's discovered all the letters from Stan that he never answered.
Looks like he's in for a lot of fucking
That's why he's fucking every man, woman, and child in the US all at once. It's efficient.
Hmm how to phrase a reply so someone yells at me about Vivian not being dead and I can point out to them that I was talking about Elon's first kid that died from SIDS.
he would run out of money waaaaay before that happens.
Can I donate to some fund to help move this along? Karate lessons or something?
That brat he carries around for assassination defense is going to be the biggest asshole ever. I hope someone poisons him to death before he hits sexual maturity to prevent inevitable rapes.
The emo teen phase is going to be interesting when he learns dad only hung out with him as a kid to use him as a human shield