Take a multi-day trip beforehand. You should at least experience an abbreviated version of living together before you actually do.
this post was submitted on 28 Feb 2025
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Get a new place together, or have her move in with you. Don't move into her place.
Think, talk, repeat until you reach a conclusion.
I recommend reading about the relationship escalator . although it's a tool primarily aimed at poly people, even monogamous people can benefit from learning about how you're allowed to not consent to societal norms.
TLDR: only you can decide if you wanna move in with her, if at all. letting other people tell you how to organize your relationship will only end in misery
Moved in with my wife fairly shortly after we started dating. I'd say within 3-4 months. It just felt right to both of us. Married 20 years now.
My girlfriend and I (f) moved in together after two dates. Still going strong 5 years later
I cannot even fathom how this happened.
Glad you two are happy, though. <3
Ahh.
If I were writing a character play, I'm still not sure how this would go. I'm sure there are stories out there, though.
Dan Savage, the romantic advice columnist, says you should not move in together until you have been farting in front of each other for six months.
Without stopping? That's going to chafe.
I can't maintain it after I fall asleep for some reason. My wife and I still live in separate houses while we perfect the strategy.
Username checks out
Damn, I had forgotten about Dan, but his advice is generally solid, so... Fart yourself into a domestic partnership!
Sound guide. I’ll see myself out.
It depends on a lot of things.
- have you spent an entire day or even better a weekend together?
- are you ok with the loss of independence, alone time can be much more difficult after moving in.
- do you have room for their stuff?
- are you ok with rearranging your place, and potentially losing certain decorations or room functions?
- are you comfortable talking about how finances will be managed?
- do you have compatible diets and eating habits?
There is no 1 single answer. Just do it when you (and they) feel comfortable. Considering from a practical standpoint, do it when both of you are comfortable in sharing their chores, and having dull moments in life.
When your wife says she's ready to move to the next level.
I wish you all the best, but make a plan of what you are going to do in case it doesn't work out.
If you broke up could you afford the rent on your own? What about in a few years time? Consider how much rent will increase in your area.
Do you have somewhere else to go back to, family etc?
Edit: to answer the post title, my opinion is wait until you've been together at least 1 year, or whenever you think the "honeymoon phase" is over.
Generally, there are two broad factors that potentially mess things up. Spending long periods with each other (esspecially in a casual setting) and finances. I'd try and think over how well you know her (and she knows you), to try and make sure it won't be an issue before you commit to it. For example, have you gone on long trips together or spent more than just a weekend together? If you haven't, maybe try and spend more time together and learn more about each other. If you have, are you confident that you'll be comfortable spending much more time around her. As for finances, there's obviously only so much you can learn, but do your general stances align? Have you fought about stuff like that before?
Ultimately, you both should have enough information about the other person to feel comfortable with the idea, and not feel like you're going in blind. This is a commitment, so you should be well informed before taking action, and prehaps have fallbacks if you feel theres any chance things don't work out. If you're asking strangers on the internet, its not a good sign, but ultimately you're the only one who has the information needed to judge.
Sounds like the right time.
Normally, being official a short time would not be a good time, but it sounds like you've already spent your whole life knowing this person, so I don't see much of a reason why you should have to wait.
What's stopping you?