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Please help. I lost my boyfriends trust in me (lemm.ee)
submitted 1 day ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
17 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

Hey guys, so I’m 21F he’s 23M… we have been talking since November and we are dating. We went over other boundaries and stuff and respected each other’s. For the past few months (even before I met him) I was struggling financially as I couldn’t find a job, school, and quit my old job, it was a big mistake and I still have struggles with money even with this part time job (I’m only working 10 hours a week lol)…

Anyways, around a month ish ago, I told him how he feels about a online sugar daddy (no pictures of me or anything, just pretending to care about their day and stuff) as bad as that sounds and morally wrong, the old men offered first via TikTok. And he didn’t say much he said he doesn’t mind as long as there’s no pictures of me being sent to them. So I didn’t think much. I was texting a German guy, he said he’d give me money so I sent him fake nudes and he sent me a dick pic back and I was disgusted. I can’t remember what I replied with. Maybe an emoji and told him I hope this isn’t what he thinks he’s going to pay me back with. He wasn’t serious so I blocked. Around 2 weeks ago, another guy actually sent me money and it was just for talking to him about his day and stuff, this is where my boyfriend told me that he’s uncomfortable with it and I blocked him. When I blocked him, I requested more money the next day via banking cuz I thought why not try to get some more money? He did send some and then I never responded to the email. My boyfriend said that he would be okay with it if someone donated through GoFundMe link in my TikTok bio but not to be texting/receiving attention from males on text and stuff, which I get how he’d feel.

I made a dumb mistake and someone on TikTok said they would send me money, through gofundme, and asked for my Instagram so I thought it would be a quick add, message one time and he would send. He just sent me a dick pic out of nowhere, I said ew and blocked. I felt really guilty for this so I told my boyfriend, and I told him everything at the same time 1.) the Instagram (recent) guy 2.) emailing request for more money after blocking 3.) that the first guy sent me a dick pic too: but I blocked because he did this and didn’t send money either

He is rlly sad, he was crying all night and I feel like a terrible person. He said he knew guys don’t just ask for socials for no reason and stuff and I said sorry because I genuinely didn’t expect a dick photo and I was disgusted. I told him it will never happen again and that I just let the idea of money get to me. He associated it with cheating which made me upset. I get it could be like an online form but I never been through this so I don’t know what to do. I told him everything, he told me how he feels ( he suggested a break) but those never end well. He said he did think of breaking up, like the idea crossed his mind, but that he doesn’t want to end it but wants. A break but now he doesn’t know. I’m really scared.

I don’t want to lose him, he means a lot to me and seeing him like this breaks my heart. How much did I fuck up?😔

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 day ago (1 children)

The good news: you’re young and new to relationships. It’s unlikely this was going to be a long relationship anyways, so it might be best the two of you find out sooner that you’re either not compatible or not ready for a relationship. It’s also good that you see that there’s a problem and you’re looking for help.

The bad news: you have problems. You’re making poor choices and aren’t seeing the possible outcomes to your actions. You’re also manipulative. You did mess up and you should cut this relationship off for his mental health because he’s obviously not cut out for your lifestyle.

[–] [email protected] -4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I have been in a relationship of 3 years before. I’m not new to these things. Me and this guy are long distance but we truly and deeply care for each other, which is why I’m so upset I hurt him. This isn’t my “lifestyle”, it is not something I was doing everyday nor week. It was here and there and I’m mad that the money made me do this shit. I don’t know what to do. I can’t let him go so that would be on him to make the decision. I know people talk through even worse stuff and end up being together and healthy which is what I’m hoping for.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 day ago

I have been in a relationship of 3 years before. I’m not new to these things.

You’ve only been in one other relationship, and you’re only 21. You are new to these things. Honestly, we all are, as every relationship is between two complex individuals.

In 20 years you’ll look back at this (and all other relationships) and recognize that it was meaningful, important, and part of what made you who you’ve e become.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Your boyfriend is upset because he just found out you’re a sex worker. That’s what you are doing, despite your many rationalizations.

Nothing wrong with that job, but he didn’t know. It would shock most people already in a relationship to suddenly find that out about their partner.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I’m not a sex worker. I never sent anything ever. Ever. I would call it a “scammer” which could be worse but the men agreed

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I know you think that. But that's what you are doing.

Whether you sent them something or not is irrelevant.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I don’t think u know what a sex worker is. They get paid to have SEX. This is more of an only fans yet no photos. So just fans lol. I never exchanged anything. So I think of it more as someone just sending me money for pretending to care

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago

Still doesn’t prove ur point. Talking to someone about their day and how they are and receiving money is not a sex worker lol. Did I get some unexpected dick pics? Yea. And blocked immediately. Nothing on my end was sent. Idk what you’re trying to prove

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

No matter how you tackle the issue with your boyfriend, I think you should alao stop DMing strangers on the internet if they say they're going to send you money for something. They probably want something in return. And what you seem to be doing seems to end in sexting every time... So either this is what you want, or you need to change strategies. What are you looking for, with that, anyways?

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Yea I understand. I never sexted anyone. The only one that might have had a light fake flirt here and there was the first guy which i know is still wrong. After me and my boyfriend talked about it, i never ever entertained that way and i just spoke to them about their day and they sent me money. I know the whole “for money” is dumb. I really regret it a lot. I just don’t want it to be over and I will respect whatever decision he makes but i don’t think it will be good :/

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I mean I don't know anything about him, or you. So I don't know what to recommend. Usually, a good strategy is to talk to each other. Say what you were trying to achieve, what you thought would happen and how you felt. How you feel now. I mean the thing with mistakes is, we all make mistakes. And you can't turn back time... You can just try to own your mistakes. Make it clear to your boyfriend whether you learned something... Yeah, and when talking, you both need to listen to each other's feelings. Doesn't really work unless both sides open up.

[–] Snowstorm 1 points 1 day ago (2 children)

A) Be honest, at what point did you expected to receive money and not give access to chatting or picture exchange? You where selling something, it was meant to be personal, unless you are okay with the whole concept it was very flawed from the start. Shocked Pikachu face meme and everything. I am surprised he was onboard with the concept : it seems that both you and him are uncomfortable living through this process. Maybe rationally he thought he was okay with it but emotionally can’t handle it. Like je changed his mind.

B) Your boyfriend will have seen this as a lapse of judgment. Before you can convince him your judgment won’t ever fail like that again you need to figure out if you are uncomfortable from the behaviour itself or from your boyfriend reaction to it. He can’t ask you this in a respectful manner but you need to destroy in a permanent way all social media account involved in this process. Then talk to him honestly what changed in between the original discussion of a sugar daddy and the recent rejection of it. He was just as naive as you? Open communication.

If I was in your boyfriend shoes and in love in my twenties i would have tried to make it work… in my thirties i would most probably have left but wouldn’t have accepted any form of online sugar daddy to begin with . I know this whole comment is pretty harsh but i believe in telling the truth. None of this means you can’t be a descent person outside of this naively managed situation.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I need your advice on one more thing I feel like since yesterday I feel like I feel guilty about everything I’m done when me and himfirst started talking. I still had a couple guys like two guys that I have done stuff with in the past, but I mainly just kept them because we were playing video games together and I didn’t know if this my current boyfriend wanted a relationship or not because I’m so used to talking topeople who just like want to do sexual stuff so I wasn’t sure if you wanted a serious commitment or not, but when like when it was that it was, I blocked them and I removed everyone even though I’ve known them for like four years, but should I feel guilty for this or should I let him know I just I know that it was gonna make him even more mad andI feel like it is slightly unnecessary, but I just don’t know if it’s something that I should feel guilty for

[–] Snowstorm 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

This is too chaotic to read, it says more about the state of your mind than the content you tried to express with this word salad. Don’t let the anxiety spiral, it’s not worth it. Let’s assess if damage was done :

It’s very simple : did you or did you not respect the sexual and emotional exclusivity with your boyfriend from the date you discussed being exclusive? Outside of this you are free to have conversations with anyone, just let your boyfriend know emotional stuff before anyone else. Also if people you had sex before are still in your life somehow, he should learn this from you and the sooner the better.

Relationships are diverse but the one thing that transcend any diversity is : you should feel like a team with your partner. Do anything to cultivate trust and if trust was broken you can only wait to see if he can overcome the issue and trust you anyway. Sometime it’s gone forever and you can only learn how to behave better in the future : no blurred lines in regard to sexual and emotional intimacy. You don’t only want to be factually exclusive but also to avoid appearance of infidelity whenever possible.

No consensus about the question but if i had a FWB, the sex with the FWB would stop when date number two is planned : keep things calm in my own head if it works, go back to FWB if it doesn’t.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago

sorry. And I due respect all aspects of the relationship, he didn’t make it fully clear to me in the beginning how he felt about the talking to men for money but when he did he mentioned it would be okay only if they sent me money through a fundraiser link. So the one that messaged me the other day said they’d send me money and I sent them the link, they asked for Instagram first, I felt guilty but I thought I’d do it then block and that’s when he sent me a dick pic. This is a big contributor to why he’s mad at me, plus because I betrayed his trust. Which I take full accountability of.

I never saw any other guy besides him after me and him met. I had cut off everyone I’ve talked to/done things with around month half ish in, can’t remember, but before we were official official. I told him that today to get it off my chest, he wasn’t too mad. At the time, I’m not sure what he had wanted so that’s why I didn’t cut anyone off earlier. I have never seen a guy or texted any one else besides those old men for money.

He is upset, we’re on a mini break right now, still texting. I told him I’m not leaving even if he leaves me. I will always be here.

I’m really attached to him.. it hurts me to know I hurt him. I did something today that I promised him I wouldn’t do. He asked me to make a promise that I wouldn’t hurt myself but I did, as he asked me. I feel really bad for him and myself for this as I have not done this in a while. It did make me feel better because I feel like I deserved this pain and it released my emotions but I feel rlly bad. I won’t tell him this though because I don’t want him to stay only because he’s worried or feels bad. I’m fucked up

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago

Thank you so much for replying. I am sending the message using voice. I just want to say that you’re totally right. Me and my boyfriend did establishin the beginning that he didn’t really mind with it too much when it came down to the second time and when the guy actually sent money because he would ask me oh did he send you money yet and then when it came to him actually sending me money is whenhe started telling me he was uncomfortable with it and I was like I talk to him about it and we agreed and I I blocked the guy‘snumber and everything and he said that it would only be OK if they’re sending it through GoFundMe Because it’s more so that they’re donating instead of me trying something to get the money from it. he didn’t like the idea of me another guy attention or receiving attention from someone else and he didn’t like the morality behind it like using someone for money. I feel stupid because I thought the guy from two days ago was gonna send me money through GoFundMe but he asked me for my Instagram first, but I know like this is not an excuse and I told him that and we both discussed how we feel about it. And to answer your question, I feel disgusted about what I did and because I hurt my boyfriend not just because I hurt my boyfriend. Igenerally just felt disgusting because I didn’t communicate any further. I was feeling disgusted even when I gave the guy my Instagram I felt really guilty and I had to tell him as of right now he is very upset. He was crying all night. I feel really bad. I am tryingto make it up to him. It’s gonna be very hard since we are long distance, but he said he really enjoys talking to me and become like a part of this routine and he’s just upset that we’ve talked about this and I still did it but I totally understand like I’m not I have not made one to him because I understand where he’s coming from and I understand how hurt he is and I heard and saw how hurt he was whichis why I feel horrible myself I don’t know how to make it up to him, but I ordered him a promise bracelet with an apology card from Amazon and I’m to secretly like order him food today. I know it’s not anything but I feel like being long distance. It’s at least like a little jester I could do. I’ve never been in this type of life situation. I’ve never had this happen in any of my past relationships, I was at a very lowpoint in my life where I was doing sugar daddies, but I was never like sending them anything of myself. I kind of thought of it as a scam, which why he also didn’t like it, which I get, which is why I’m mad that I gave into it because I am very low on moneythe past couple months due to school and work, but by all means, I will never do it again and I told him that, but I know he won’t trust me to say thatbecause he lost his trust, but I’m gonna try my best but he’s still thinking about what he wants to do and I’m kind of scared that going to call it off. I told him I’m going to respect whatever decision he makes and I’m not gonna I don’t want him to holdback just because he’s afraid of like not having something he’s used to in his life not there anymore so I think he wants to take a small break not like not talk all day but like talk in there during the day, but not as much, but I’m just worried because like he will always think about this, even if we move past the