this post was submitted on 05 May 2025
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SOURCE - https://brightwanderer.tumblr.com/post/681806049845608448

Alt-text:
I think a lot about how we as a culture have turned “forever” into the only acceptable definition of success.

Like... if you open a coffee shop and run it for a while and it makes you happy but then stuff gets too expensive and stressful and you want to do something else so you close it, it’s a “failed” business. If you write a book or two, then decide that you don’t actually want to keep doing that, you're a “failed” writer. If you marry someone, and that marriage is good for a while, and then stops working and you get divorced, it’s a “failed” marriage.

The only acceptable “win condition” is “you keep doing that thing forever”. A friendship that lasts for a few years but then its time is done and you move on is considered less valuable or not a “real” friendship. A hobby that you do for a while and then are done with is a “phase” - or, alternatively, a “pity” that you don’t do that thing any more. A fandom is “dying” because people have had a lot of fun with it but are now moving on to other things.

| just think that something can be good, and also end, and that thing was still good. And it’s okay to be sad that it ended, too. But the idea that anything that ends is automatically less than this hypothetical eternal state of success... I don’t think that’s doing us any good at all.

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[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 week ago

The best definition of success I heard was from Earl Nightingale -

Success is the progressive realization of a worthwhile goal.

Doing something because you want to do it--and it betters yourself, your family, or your community--makes you successful.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 week ago

This reminds me of Sand Mandala

Once complete, the sand mandala's ritualistic dismantling is accompanied by ceremonies and viewing to symbolize Buddhist doctrinal belief in the transitory nature of material life.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 week ago (5 children)

About marriage: the whole concept reside in the mutual promise of a "forever after". If that's not your thing, totally fine. But then you wouldn't engage in it in the first place? In that sense, the marriage would indeed have failed (to deliver on its core premise).

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago

Plenty of people get married and don't believe in an afterlife.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago (7 children)

what you're saying is only true for some religions that don't allow divorce. most do. there's no forever after promise in most cases, just living together and caring for each other.

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[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 week ago (4 children)

A core Buddhist concept is impermanence, the idea of constant change in our world, and letting go of fixed ideas and outcomes.

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Don't be afraid to enter the water knowing that you are not going to swim forever.

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 week ago

I think in some cases it's driven by capitalism. Your business didn't make you money forever? Failed. Your books stopped selling and you didn't make millions from what you published? Failed. Your show was good for a couple of seasons, but outlived it's hype? Failed

There are other scenarios line you mentioned, marriage or hobbies, that AREN'T about money. But the ones that involve profit follow that.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 week ago

Dan Savage (of the sex and relationship advice podcast "Savage Lovecast") says this frequently.

A short term relationship can also be successful. It doesn't have to end with one of the partners dying in order to be considered good and worthwhile.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 week ago (6 children)

On Wikipedia, an article for a deceased person reads, “[The deceased] was,” while an article for a TV show that has ended reads, “The Office is

Feels kinda related in some way

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago

That seems to me more just a linguistic quirk of how English works.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 week ago (7 children)

I think you are looking into things in a non healthy way.

You are right that success and failure are not binary. Furthermore, every system, be it physical, living, or social, fails sooner or later.

That doesn't mean we shouldn't strive to not fail for as long as possible, for if something brings joy or safety it's continued success is important. It follows that if something that's important to someone fails it's healthy to morn it and to try to learn from it to not repeat the same failure.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago

Agreed, the flip side is allowing something ending to be sad too. Not everything needs a positive spin.

This just reads to me like a classic step of linguistic evolution, where people can't be bothered to caveat the normal word with a deeper meaning (eg "my business ultimately ended, but it was the right call and it was always be a great time in my life..." etc) and so think a new word is necessary, until inevitably the same thing happens, ad naseum.

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

I do think it betrays society's lack of present-focused mindfulness. I've had a handful of friendships that I thought would go on to be quite strong and longlasting, but they fizzled out after a while. That's not to say they were bad or failed friendships. I'm grateful for the time I experienced with them.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago

I totally disagree with your characterization. I can come up with dozens of examples of how people don't think that the goal is "forever". That's not to say that you're lying, if you feel it then no doubt your feelings are genuine, but I don't think your feelings are a good reflection of contemporary society at large.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago

Such a good way to put it. And I have focused on something similar for myself. Literally everything is temporary.

I tend to be a planner, a saver, the person who never uses consumable items in games, and the person who will avoid using an item they like so that it will last longer.

It’s helped me allow myself to enjoy today more, and spend more of my time doing things I want to be doing.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago

This.

I would rather have things to end and turn into good memories, rather than having it turn to shit.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago
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