Curated Tumblr

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/21484248

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gentlyorbiting posted:
i'm the guy who writes the books that the protagonist in supernatural horror movies frantically reads somewhere in act ii. job's pretty easy. lot of "legends of vampires have recurred all throughout human history" and "demonologists agree that the quickest way to un-summon a demon is to trap it in a cursed object". no citations of course; they don't pay me citation money. i had to learn html back in the early aughts when everyone started seeking their supernatural info on websites they found via top search engines like FINDLER and WEBSIGHT but that's died down now which is great because i didn't have it in me to pick up css. currently working on a new book about horses that are evil. it's called HORSES THAT ARE EVIL in all caps so the protagonist can find it quickly to yank off the library shelf. it will be published 35 years ago.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/21329716

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conarcoin posts:
neopets forum posts i reference all the time [several screenshots follow]

[first screenshot] Is arguing some kind of coping mechanism for you??

[second screenshot] just thought i'd add that i've reported everyone in this thread including myself

[third screenshot] wow this place is a freakshow. i dont respect literally any of you people

[screenshots ends]

conarcoin replies:
here are some more really good neoboards screenshots
[several screenshots follow]

[first screenshot] a large colorful message, presumably a forum signature, reading:
i am report EVERYBODY
[several pixel art neopet emoticons]
~ so you best behavior ~

[second screenshot] a post on the "Newbies" page of neoboard titled "why's everyone so angry tonight"
the author posts:
"let's do some breathing exercises everybody" in large black text
another user replies:
"reported"

[third screenshot] a post on the "Fan Clubs" page of neoboard titled "dogs or cats"
the author posts:
i love dogs im a dong person [smiley face]
i love unies they are the best neopets in the world

the author replies to themselves:
dog person [smiley face]
i love unies they are the best neopets in the world

[fourth screenshot, every word has their initial capitalized] I Do Not Know How Many Times I need To Repeat MySelf:
I Type Like This Because Every Word Is Important. Even, SomeTimes, Words WithIn Words Are ImportAnt.
[the user's forum signature] I've Seen Miracles In Every Way
And I See Miracles Everyday [the words: "Myself", "Sometimes", and "Within" are capitalized as "My Self", "Some Times", and "With In". The last "Important" is capitalized as "Import Ant"

[fifth screenshot]
furretsshouldbesmall posted:
[a quote from another user] yeah there were shut up
furretsshouldbesmall writes: go weave a basket

[sixth screenshot] a post on the "Help" page of neoboard titled "Girls Come Here"
the author posts: I can treat you right i have 700 neo points.

[seventh screenshot]
mycritterdom2 posted: "i don't need breakfast. my body is made of titanium steel and runs on pure rage alone." in large red text

[eighth screenshot]
a user posts: watch this guys
the same user replies: dick butt

[ninth screenshot] a post on the "Newbies" page of neoboard titled "ppl who r religious/spiritual"
the author, nanacatl, posts: oi cunt what guides ur faith [emoticons of a green ball with a red cape and a sun]

[tenth screenshot] a post on the "Newbies" page of neoboard titled "i hate radiohead"
the author, thomnewyorke, posts: i dont like this band. i dont like the short one or the bald one. i dont like the creepy
blenke replies: if you listen to the radio your a radio head [smiley face] thomnewyorke replies: that is not true. do not lie to me on these neopets. you are a liar.

[screenshots end]

hellyesbro replies:
how could you forget
[a screenshot of the top half of a bright green creature's face]
[in large black text] Priority Announcement
[in smaller red text, all caps] GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY ITS ALL GONE TO SHIT

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/21328451

scrulevy

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play-now-my-lord posts:
PREHISTORIC PROTO-MONKEY: I don't need ascorbic acid. From my cells. I eat fruit all the time dude. I'm better than that
OTHER PREHISTORIC PROTO-MONKEY: I agree with your lifestyle and will fuck you raw to prove it
GUY LOOKING FOR THE NORTHWEST PASSAGE 36,530,125 YEARS LATER: ow oof my shitty british teeth

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/20883609

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compiler-specific posts:
every software is like. your mission-critical app requires you to use the scrimble protocol to squeeb some snorble files for sprongle expressions. do you use:

• libsnorble-2-dev, a C library that the author only distributes as source code and therefore must be compiled from source using CMake
• Squeeb.js, which sort of has most of the features you want, but requires about a gigabyte of Node dependencies and has only been in development for eight months and has 4.7k open issues on Github
• Squeeh.js, a typosquatting trojan that uses your GPU to mine crypto if you install it by mistake
• Sprongloxide, a Rust crate beloved by its fanatical userbase, which has been in version 0.9.* for about four years, and is actually just a thin wrapper for libsnorble-2-dev
• GNU Scrimble, a GPLv3-licensed command-line tool maintained by the Free Software Foundation, which has over a hundred different flags, and also comes with an integrated Lisp interpreter for scripting, and also a TUI-based Pong implementation as an "easter egg", and also supports CSV, XML, JSON, PDF, XLSX, and even HTML files, but does not actually come with support for squeebing snorble files for ideological reasons. it does have a boomeresque drawing of a grinning meerkat as its logo, though
• Microsoft Scrimble Framework Core, a .NET library that has all the features you need and more, but costs $399 anually and comes with a proprietary licensing agreement that grants Microsoft the right to tattoo advertisements on the inside of your eyelids
• snorblite, a full-featured Perl module which is entirely developed and maintained by a single guy who is completely insane and constantly makes blog posts about how much he hates the ATF and the "woke mind-virus", but everyone uses it because it has all the features you need and is distributed under the MIT license
• Google Squeebular (deprecated since 2017)

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/20854187

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Boethiah posts:
[a screenshot of a comment by BrokenHomesSmal…]
"Just put this bread into the oven for the first time. What on earth does "satin-smooth" mean? I am not a painter or a communist, I cannot work in such flowery terms as this. The fascists at the NSA wouldn't allow this - I hope when they read this comment they will immediately take down this wishy-washy recipe and replace it with a concrete scientific methodology that is more suited to the delicate and precise nature of baking." [screenshot ends]
this reads like Disco Elysium dialogue

autismgod replies:
this is like something an NPC says to you at the bakery in the witch alps version of Disco Elysium

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/20788922

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agnesmontague posts:
devastating news for the discourse poster: “media literacy” in the modern age includes the ability to identify which posts are bait

agnesmontague replies:
before you go on lamenting the death of media literacy on the post of some guy who may, perhaps, have a financial incentive to get as many eyes on their slop as humanly possible, take a second to assess whether this "literacy" you speak of could apply to you in this very moment, because otherwise, brother, i bear some bad news

agnesmontague replies:
(quoted tumblr tag)
#anybody got pointers for those who don't know the signs of bait? (end quote)
i'm glad someone asked, though unfortunately i don't think there is any set of rules or pointers to abide by; my principle is that if a take is "too hot" (worded in an inflammatory way, way overbroad or generalized, reads offensively) on a platform that rewards engagement (twitter, tiktok, or youtube, mostly, though not confined to those), it's likely bait for the sake of baiting, although to be honest i have never once found it a loss to simply ignore/block any take online that pisses me off regardless of whether i think it is sincere or in good faith. so my rule of thumb is to just not engage, generally

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/20548023

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dry-gold posts:
Hey in middle earth is there any ecological consequences for those big fuckin eagles

astercrash replies:
Goblins and hobbits both make their homes underground

cool-bacon-dude replies:
Funniest answer for why gandalf didnt use eagles to carry the hobbits to mordor

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/20105297

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hbmmaster posts:
common misconception! Thomas Crapper didn't invent the flush toilet. it was actually patented by Alexander Cumming. what Crapper invented was the floating ballcock.

perjuryfan replies:
dude i just looked up that cumming toilet crapper ballcock thing they were talking about, that's true. that's like 100 percent- everything they said was true. the ballcock is real and it was patented by crapper, it's the ball inside the toilet that floats with the water
Smiling friends screenshot, Yellow guy with phone in hand talks to small purple guy.

eh-fandomtrash replies:
Guess who just decided to fact check this post and found out that yes, the information above is correct…

relevant-wikipedia-articles replies:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Crapper

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexander_Cumming

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ballcock

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/19986432

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yeoldnews posts:
A few of the more creative spellings of christmas i've come across while looking for dear sanda letters in old newspapers this year:

Krismus.
cresmys
mary chismasx.
crimas.
Chrisms.
Crimus tree.
crimes
Cresmus
meey Chrismats

beggars-opera:
cropped screenshot from the "Merry Chrysler" vine

[Post 1] badjokesbyjeff

A elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests.

First she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Walmart.

"Walmart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Walmart?"

"Then I'll be sure my daughters will visit me twice a week."

[Post 2] badjokesbyjeff

Jokes aside, personally I only have two requests for when I die. I want my remains scattered around Disneyland, and I don't want to be cremated.