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No. Most people don't care about that age gap.
Though, if there's a clear power imbalance in a way thats exploitative (in either direction), that could be a problem.
20 years is worthy of other conversations though. Considerations about genuineness, compatibility, and practicality do arise, but those are all personal and situational.
If you don't feel comfortable, you don't have to do it. But, being lonely is super toxic for us and I opine that your daughter's heart is in the right place.
Two adults dating is not a problem
Friend of mine was in a similar situation. One day she said something to him that made him realize he was literally the only person who cared about the age difference.
don't sweat it. you're both adults with life experience that is both greater than and equal to.
enjoy the date and be sure to be respectful and treat them as an equal. you can figure out who they are along the way 😉
Creepy? No, probably not, but it does present some potential problems: You probably don't have a whole lot of things in common at this point. You might not be particularly compatible with regard to your friend groups or your desires for your future. You are in a situation where it's going to be difficult to get on the same level. These are not insurmountable obstacles, but they are potential obstacles.
That said, if you and she are both okay with it—and your daughter, who is clearly someone whose opinion you care about—then have a great time! Don't have high expectations, but enjoy yourself and see what happens.
Itd only be an issue if your daughter cared, past 25 I don't see why ppl think it's grooming, most ppls personalities are done baking at 18, sure some ppl grow and mature after that but how many really change at the same rate they do while going to college, some ppl at 30 are way more mature than others, just depends on life experiences, I've been thinking about this because I feel like ive stagnated, was growing every year and now its just been 3 years of the same, while ik some ppl that still travel alot, do something new every week and they're definitely different ppl, have just grown to another point in life.
for context im 25 and moved back home post college, its pretty much hyperspeed to the grave
To some people yes, to many people no.
Just be respectful, kind and considerate. She's an adult.
We're going on a date tonight. Come what may.
Come what may.
I want to pretend this is spicy confident British tongue in cheek inuendo. 🤔
Just needs a comma. 😉
There's only one person whose opinion on that matters, and she's aged 30. And maybe your daughter too, but she set it up so that's unlikely.
You can always find a bunch of weirdos on the internet who'll be offended at you, no matter who you are or what you do, so it's never a good idea to not do stuff just because of that.
If you're worried if you ARE a creep then I'd suggest plugging "what it means to be a creep" or "what is a creep" into your favourite search engine and make sure your regular habits exclude whatever you find. Use several sources, not just the first you find, because not everything on the internet is true.
Age is just a number. Who cares.
FBI. OPEN UP.
Go get her tiger
I wouldn't find it creepy, though I probably wouldn't mask my surprise well if I heard about it. My parents are 18 years apart. There are some social differences but at some point, they must have liked each other enough. They also have differing interests. They're free to do their own thing (my dad stays home my mom travels the world). But, they're not a great match anymore (I have to believe they used to be). All of this has combined into a strenuous situation where my mom is planning for her retirement freedom while my dad is probably headed to some kind of assisted living because she's not going to stay home as a servant. I hate to be a downer about a relationship that hasn't even started, but I think it's important to consider this aspect before things get serious
No, you do you
The big issues with age gaps is mostly down to protective probability. By 30 most folks are experienced enough at life to make up their own mind.
Hope it goes well for you both!
I had a friend that was dating someone 17years her senior, the mom was not happy , was quite upset about it. She said he's almost as old as she is. Most people will do 5 years at the most. The larger the age gap, the less you have in common of it's more than 10 years
Past 30, age is less about biology and more sociology.
I'm a 49 year old male. But I'm divorced, no kids. Still living a bachelor life quite happily while most guys close to my age are married with the kids and coaching soccer on weekends in a minivan. As a result, my friend group almost exclusively skews younger because those are the people who are in the same stage of life as I am (regardless of biological age).
The same works for relationships. Past a certain point it doesn't matter how old you are, as long as your sociological age is compatible. (Ie. Your way of life)
Edited to Add: The rule we always learned in highschool when we were stupid kids with nothing better to do is "half your age plus 7"
51 divided by 2 = 25.5 + 7 = 32.5.
So by highschool rules, you're just a little bit outside the lines, but close enough that if you're both attractive most people will ignore it.
the same stage of life as I am
I would say they are living the same type of life as you, not the same stage. Life doesn't have stages once you're an adult. There are just common activities, and nothing more.
Life definitely can have stages once you're an adult. Relationships (married/divorced/remarried), family (babies/kids/teenagers/adults), work (entry level/senior/management/retirement). Think about if you're on the other side of a big party than the other person; then you're probably on different life stages. Not all of them are weird to date between, but most of them are weird to date across big differences.
These are not "stages", these are just different activities. Lots of people don't have kids, but this doesn't make them at a lower "stage". Not everyone wants to climb some kind of career ladder, nor does everyone respect those who do. Not everyone gets married, nor does everyone even care about marriage. People live differently -- they do not progress through stages.
Just because not everyone goes through each one doesn't mean they aren't stages. Not everyone goes to high school, or doesn't sleep through the night, or catches a ball thrown from a meter away, or has trouble with adolescent relationships; that doesn't mean those aren't stages.
"Stages" are entirely theoretical and hotly debated, and you shouldn't think of them like video game levels where you have to go through all (or even any) of them. Think of them more like theatrical stages: it's where the action happens for a time, the set upon which the action of your life occurs. You're almost always going to be on multiple stages at a time, and the people around you are probably going to be on a different set of them.
I would personally be squicked out by that age gap because she's young enough to be your kid. But I'm not you or her, it's not my business, right? If your daughter thinks she'll be good for you, the reverse matchmaking is funny, why not at least meet and see how you feel?
Past 30 age is meaningless as long as both sides are happy.
Would a 80 yo with a 30 yo be weird? Yeah, would it be wrong? No.
50 and 30 is unusual but definitely okay.
Ignore what randos on the web say - the opinions of only two people matter. You and her. Good luck; however it works out.
Being creepy isn't that simple
Creepy is how you behave, the way you carry yourself and treat other people
An age gap isn't creepy in itself, it can be creepy, but it doesn't have to be
Reminds me how Hank's dad in King of the Hill remarried one of Hank's kindergarten classmates.
Also why Roger Moore quit being Bond. "They kept hiring women to play opposite me young enough to be my granddaughter. Frankly, it was disgusting."
That said, you're both adults. As long as it doesn't feel awkward or controlly to either of you, give it a shot.
Once you hit 30 the age gap stops being creepy and becomes a personal life choice. If you were 41 and she was 20, that would be a massive red flag. But she isn't a young adult anymore, but presumably someone established in who they are and what they want.
If what she wants is you, congrats!
A thirty year old woman is reasonably an adult. You're not going to be grooming her or anything. The older you get, the less an age difference is really an issue.
Well, you're not exactly robbing the cradle, and she's not exactly robbing the grave.
Go for it.
Two consenting adults on a date? Definitely creepy!
Only kinda. You're potentially at VERY different life stages. She might be at the "I want kids and to start a family" stage. You're in the "well at least I have one good knee still" phase.
So it might work, but unless you can change diapers and carry toddlers, it might not.
Fuck, I'm in my 20s and in the "well at least I have one good knee still" phase.
The rule I always heard was older_age/2+7. In this case, 51 would give you a rough range of 32-88.
30 might be a little weird, but just depends how you guys gel
I didn’t see anyone saying this: the question I would pose to myself is less about the age of the date being 30 but more about her age being closer to your daughter’s and them being friends. There is nothing wrong with the age gap itself but how you feel about the situation matters more I’d say.
How do you feel about dating someone who is your daughter’s friend and essentially grew up at the same time as your daughter?
In this comic xkcd used the equation: half your age + 7 https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dating_pools.png
It's fun to reference but it's not a hard rule. The fact that you are thinking it over means that you are probably in a healthy mindset to at least go on the date and feel it out. You have your daughter batting for you! You got this!
