The classic "OK boomer" still gets them angry, if that's what you're after

All these comments are trying too hard. The only two options are "OK?" and "that watch?"

Verbose disses only work in rap

Do you say shit like that because nobody can tell the difference between your watch and a cheap one?

"Interesting, may I see?" And when they hold their wrist up to you, inspect it closely, then lick it, make some faces like a wine connoisseur, shake your head and say :"It's fake" turn around and disengage.

Holds up wrist sporting a Casio F-91W "Al-Qaida"

Big deal... This watch also costs more than my car.

Heh, amateur hour. Let me show you my watch.

"I don't have a car"

Serious answer:

That's cool. What makes it special?

Sometimes people talk about how expensive something they own is simply because they're proud that they could afford it and even when they're being tone-deaf, there's no benefit to getting offended when you could just move the conversation along instead. (Although you might have to listen to them talk about watches.) If they were trying to brag, now they're stuck trying to explain why the watch is actually worth what they paid and you're the one judging them.

Cars (and watches) aren't so expensive that a middle-class person can't plausibly already own the one he would buy even if money was unlimited. You can act like that's true about you. My status-conscious former mother in law was bothered by the fact that I owned an old car, but when she would bring it up I would just say "I really like the 2008 model." She couldn't argue with that.

"Ok?"

Sounds like you got ripped off

"So?"

That's the response you want. Complete andutter boredom. You don't care. Their entire personality is built around a weird little status structure and if you don't buy into their hallucination they lose their everloving minds

"Okay?"

I am not a friend of clever comebacks. People who point these things out are pathetic and people who get triggered by that only slightly less so.

Why the fuck would I drive a watch ?

If you need to point out the watch and explain its value, you've already lost.

Do have some other investmentadvice I shouldn’t heed?

"Well, the jerk store called, and they're running out of you!"

"that's a lot of money for such an ugly watch."

I guess it's true, money can't buy taste.

Fun fact: Alec Baldwin's character was invented for the movie to provide exposition. The filmmakers didn't trust movie-going audiences to pick up the information from the three conversations that occur at the beginning of the play.

A new London bus costs around £300k, so whilst is plausible that the watch cost more than my 'car', it's a pretty stupid way of spending that amount of money...

You see this? This is called a "smart phone." Not only will this tell me the time like your watch, but it can also do a bunch of other things. I can look at pictures of raccoons wearing silly hats or I can use it to insult someone on the other side of the planet. It also cost a fraction of what your watch cost. I'm sorry to tell you this, but I think it should go and get your money back. It sounds like you've been scammed. As a matter of fact, let me give you my friend's phone number. He's an accountant, and I think he'll be able to help stop you from making stupid purchases in the future.

"Does it keep better time than my 15 dollar digital Casio? Is it sturdier? Will it last longer? Is it more comfortable? No? So you spent a ridiculous amount of money to buy a less functional watch made out of precious essential materials just to try to impress people like me?"

Honestly though, if you want to piss watch people off, just say "Oh, it looks just like a regular watch, thanks for pointing it out".

My car was a present, any watch costs more than my car

A shame, such a tasteless choice. If you had as much class as money, you'd have chosen something like a vintage 1960s submariner rather than a frivolous toy available on every high street in the world.

Does 0 to 60 in ONE minute! It's garbage.

What kind of dumbass would spend that much on a watch?

Damn thats a cheap watch, is it Chinese too?

If only you had learned to tell time.

"Good for you. Have a cookie. My $20 Casio tells the time just as well."

"You should have saved up a bit more and bought something less gaudy"

“Ok”

And it tells the same time as a $5 Casio, but it's heavy and gaudy. I guess money can't buy taste.

"How fast does it do 0-60?"

So being rich is a fairly new thing to you? What are you gonna do when you get used to it?

A classic that always makes people like this angry is the good ole, "Anyways, [Something you are casually going to do today or did yesterday]- " and a hand wave to dismiss the statement.

It infuriates them lol

Look of confusion "Does...does that make you happy?"

-or-

"Was it worth it?"

"I don't have the habit of looking at other people's watches. Thanks for pointing it out, I guess, I might have otherwise missed that detail entirely."

(Biz-bro mind cannot comprehend this)

Anyone who spends more on a watch than a car has poor money management. Fuck, what a waste. There's no way any watch is worth more than $1000 other than for clout which is stupid.

"People with true value don’t need trinkets to convince others of their worth."

"Not everybody knows how to make the best use of their resources."

"Unless it has a button that stops time, you paid too much."

The statement is to set them apart from from you and to display power. So you could go with something like,

"Shit, they still make you buy your uniform when you rich eh. Some things never change."

But more elegantly. Reassert that they are subject to others' power/approval and relate to them to assert that they're no different from you.