Dad Jokes

16090 readers
55 users here now

Description

This is a community for sharing those cheesy “dad” jokes that invoke an eye roll or chuckle.

Rules

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
[email protected]
listing: all - local
1
64
Post text, images, or direct links only (lemmy.world)
submitted 2 years ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
5 comments fedilink
 
 

Please see the updated sidebar. Do not post external links to websites such as Facebook and Instagram.

2
173
Please post edgier jokes to the new Uncle Jokes community (lemmy.world)
submitted 2 years ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
12 comments fedilink
 
 

I just updated the sidebar. As a rule of thumb, if you cannot tell this joke to a 5-year-old, you should probably post it to the new community [email protected]

3
10
Street vendor (lemmy.world)
submitted 8 hours ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
4 comments fedilink
 
 

A guy walks up to a street vendor and asks, “What’s on the menu?”

The vedor responds, “We have grilled eel on a stick, and we also have beef offal.”

The guy, trying to be clever, asks, “so, got any grapes?”

“Come on bro”, the vendor responds unimpressed. “Beef or eel.”

4
572
A job well done (lemmy.world)
submitted 3 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
10 comments fedilink
 
 
5
22
Do you know which band made it to the top? (lemmy.world)
submitted 3 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
1 comments fedilink
 
 

The blouse brothers

6
211
Before crowbars were invented, crows simply drank at home. (lemmy.ml)
submitted 5 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
7 comments fedilink
7
198
Bogged down with idealism (lemmy.world)
submitted 1 week ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
3 comments fedilink
 
 

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/24960555

8
105
I work in quality control at a scissors company (lemmy.world)
submitted 1 week ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
9 comments fedilink
 
 

I have to reject any that don’t make the cut.

9
129
I'm finally writing a dad joke about herbs. (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 1 week ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
9 comments fedilink
 
 

It's about thyme.

10
47
What happens when you don't obey they KGB? (lemmy.today)
submitted 1 week ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
9 comments fedilink
 
 

You get Putin jail.

11
439
It's too good tuba true (lemmy.world)
submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
37 comments fedilink
 
 
12
404
No lies detected (lemmy.today)
submitted 1 week ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
2 comments fedilink
 
 
13
131
Opening the microwave to retrieve my sandwich: "Ow! This is hot!" (fedia.io)
submitted 1 week ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
23 comments fedilink
 
 

If I heated it up any longer, it would be a glasswich.

14
327
Excel-sior! (lemmy.world)
submitted 1 week ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
2 comments fedilink
 
 

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/24914135

15
135
I gave my handyman a todo list, but he only did items 1, 3 and 5. (lemmy.ml)
submitted 1 week ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
6 comments fedilink
 
 

Turns out he only does odd jobs.

16
289
If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It’s always 90 degrees there. (lemmy.ml)
submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
21 comments fedilink
 
 

(Fahrenheit. In Celsius this would be deadly)

17
191
It's useful that my dog floats. (midwest.social)
submitted 2 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
3 comments fedilink
 
 

He's a good buoy.

18
46
…then I accidentally ate my cat’s meds (lemmy.world)
submitted 2 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
5 comments fedilink
 
 

spoilerdon’t ask meow

19
59
I ate a clock yesterday (lemmy.world)
submitted 2 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
7 comments fedilink
 
 

spoilerit was very time consuming

20
51
I was really nervous about my first day working at Olive Garden (lemmy.world)
submitted 2 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
1 comments fedilink
 
 

My therapist said I had impasta syndrome.

21
147
No way a horse drew this... (lemmy.dbzer0.com)
submitted 3 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
1 comments fedilink
 
 

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/35513565

22
106
Why is bees' hair sticky? (lemmy.world)
submitted 3 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
2 comments fedilink
 
 

Because they use a honey comb.

23
26
It has been forever and I still cannot find a water filter that filters out dihydrogen monoxide--why can't they make one that does this? (lemmy.world)
submitted 3 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
13 comments fedilink
 
 

spoilerYou mean an air pump?

24
86
Why did the cheeseburger get in a fight with the veggie burger? (lemm.ee)
submitted 4 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
4 comments fedilink
 
 

Because it had beef.

25
184
Dad? (lemmy.world)
submitted 1 month ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
1 comments fedilink
 
 

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/24047094

view more: next ›