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submitted 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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show transcriptlastfmuser
imagine if people still took last names from their trade like fisher, smith and fletcher. imagine some guy introducing himself to you as jonathan podcaster

scribblestheunicorn
It’s him,,,

Ted Talker

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[–] [email protected] 81 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Oh, you guys are thinking small.

Peter Executive (a vassal of Andy CEO). Mary Anesthesiologist. Alice S. Theorist. William Credit Authorizer. James M. Researcher.

The worst part is that, fun as this is, I'm having flashbacks of every time I've said something along the lines of "Matt from HR" and realizing that's how that has always worked.

[–] [email protected] 39 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Renouned negotiator Matt Fromeichar

[–] [email protected] 35 points 2 months ago (4 children)

"The prefix "from" is how you know a family comes from the old middle class. Rich families used "the", as in "Jane TheCeo or Peter TheChairman."

"Working class families just don't get a prefix. That's why there are so many James Burgerkings out there".

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 months ago

I see Jack TheRipper in a whole new light now

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

That's excellent

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 months ago

That's how I always refer to my sysadmin colleagues when talking to others. Chris and Steve Classrooms, Bill Proxmox (née Vmware), and I'm Jack Networks-Linux. Not real names of course.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago (1 children)

David Searchengineoptimizer, Mary Marykaycosmeticssales, Oleg Disinformationandpropagandabotprogrammer.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

Nobody thought Disinformationandpropagandabotprogrammer would be a good governor of California, but he ended up being more moderate than expected.

[–] [email protected] 55 points 2 months ago (3 children)

No one at school was picked on more than Timmy OnlyFans.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Timmy Onlyfansson

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago (1 children)

That's why he started going by Timothy Olyphant in stead.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

Oh, like Timothy Chaturbate/Chalamet?

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[–] [email protected] 48 points 2 months ago (1 children)

We all remember Scam Bankrupt Fraud, right?

[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 months ago (1 children)

yea wasn't he the guy from FTX?

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, the guy who never got out of Bronze in LOL.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

To be fair, I never even got INTO bronze in LOL 🤷

[–] [email protected] 37 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (3 children)

Peter Unemployed.

Shameless pluck for "Qualityland" by Mark-Uwe Kling.

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[–] [email protected] 35 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Look at me, I'm Bobby SitAtMyConputerAllDayAndAgeRapidly

[–] [email protected] 23 points 2 months ago (1 children)

We call him Little Bobby Tables.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago

Always. XKCD. Always.

https://xkcd.com/327/

[–] [email protected] 34 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Finally an accurate description for Jessica Fullstack Developer.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Does he wear socks?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

No. Jessica Fullstack Developer is also opposed to pants (religious requirement).

[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Just ask Tim Apple how that feels.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

one of the podcasts i listen to made a joke about Tim Onion buying Infowars and i am still cracking up over it.

also I'm super upset that someone already took the handle tim_apple on everything😤

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago (1 children)

It's getting harder to discern reality from satire, but Tim Onion has actually been The Onion's CEO's name^*^ ever since he bought that job. And he is trying to buy InfoWars. (And the company formerly known as Twitter has joined Jones' fight to prevent it.)

^*^(his bluesky display name, at least)

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

thank you for making this even funnier for me

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[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Hello, I am Bob Bugmaker, your software developer for this project.

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Imagine being the actual John Gamer.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago

John Fallout

war doesnt change

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

Etymology nerd on YouTube has a video on this! It's basically how we put people in our phones now, such as Alex (neighbor) and Alex (work), two names I actually have saved in my phone. They're more based on relationship than occupation now.

Edit: (neighbor) not (phone)

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 months ago (1 children)

That makes sense considering in the past knowing who your town's baker or other role was mattered. Now a days you don't really know the names of the people you get food and things from so it's shifted now to more relationship based.

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago

Dolores del BullshitJob. Or Lola Shitposta.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 months ago

Ohh no look out, it's Tim Moderator

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 months ago (2 children)

María Tiktoker

John Uberdriver

Sam Gamereviewer

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago

Shorten them and it works

Maria Toker

John Uber

Sam Vèiwer

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 months ago

“Sup, I’m Lance Crypto!”

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 months ago

Dick Doctor Patrick Porn Star Caroline Creator Dan Designer Evan Entertainment Ian Importer Tim Apple

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 months ago

Hi my name is Colin Support

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Kailey Influencer

🤮

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 months ago

Influencer isn't a trade name and it will never be, Kailey Advertiser.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

Yosef Tuber

Isha Grammer

Fitzgerald Acebook

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I'd be Jimbo Bomber.
A lot cooler sounding than my real name.
I'm an industrial radiographer and usually called bombers.

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago

In the case of coppers it would be pretty convenient since they all go by their surname so they would all be, "Officer Pig", "Sergeant Pig", "Inspector Pig", "Detective Pig"

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago (4 children)

Please see the excellent book "Jennifer Government" for a prescient look at where things are heading.

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago (3 children)

can someone help me make "janitor" sound like a fancy French name pls

[–] m0darn 12 points 2 months ago

Custodienne

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 months ago (1 children)

L’engienier du’sanitaccion

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

Jaques Concierge?

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