Granted, it manifests as a coughing, orphaned puppy
this post was submitted on 17 Feb 2025
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The Monkey's Paw
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Shit, I definitely couldn't do that one. The paw wins.
It's your brain.
Still worth it to make it stop IMO.
Look, this doesn't even have to end with a curse.
No fooling, if you get the hiccups just tell yourself, "I am not a fish."
It's the stupidest hiccup cure I've ever heard. And it somehow always works.
But, do you like fish sticks...?
Believe it or not, I already tried that.
Your hiccup is a leopard and your hammer is an inflatable toy one. Good luck.
If it kills me, at least the hiccups stop.
Granted. You hear the boss music, gradually getting louder.
The boss music... Is my music, right? I'm the boss about to beat the crap out of my hiccups, riiiight?
In your peripheral vision, you see a long red bar filling up. The text above it says "Hic, Lord of the Cups"
Fuck.
Have you tried pushing all the air out of your lungs and forcing yourself to not breathe in, your body will try to inhale and your lungs will spasm. Do it for 5-10 seconds then allow yourself to breathe. I find there are hardly ever any hiccups after that.
Well yeah, when you're dead there's hardly anything leftover whatsoever
I've tried all sorts of breathing stuff and hiccups just break through anyway. If I inhale as much as I possibly can or exhale as much as possible, that's supposed to make it impossible, but my diaphragm's sheer force of evil will outweighs that of reality itself.
Get a glass of water and a straw. Plug your ears, drink through the straw for absolutely as long as you can. Has never not worked for me, used to have a hell of a time getting rid of hiccups.
I'll give it a shot next time!
I've always been a fan of leaning over and drinking from the far side of a glass of water. Something about swallowing liquid while inverted resets whatever it is in my brain or lungs
The hammer is your finger and the manifestation of your hiccups is your fathers prostate gland
Incidentally, IIRC one of, if not the only proven cure for the hiccups is a prostate massage, now normally it's the person with the hiccups who gets massaged, as opposed to being the masseur...
Though I have no idea if that technique works for women as well, or if it's just men who have that awkwardly placed off switch
Do you have a source for that?
…asking for a friend
I'll keep this in my back pocket next time my partner has the hiccups. I'll massage her prostate and report back.
granted, it is a titamtium diamond wall so you will die of insomnia
It manifests as your big toe.
So I'm smashing a disembodied clone of my toe with a hammer? Bizarre, but acceptable.
Though it manifests disembodied, it is still entangled with the one attached to you; they share state and sensation. The focus that maintains their entanglement is your liver. Cirrhosis or other damage to the liver causes a spotty connection that gives horrific shocks each time it disconnects or reconnects, accompanied by the sound of a dial up modem that only you can hear at THX volumes.
:(
I've heard if you snort bump of wasabi it'll kill your hiccups immediately.
Seems like it might create some new problems but hey. If it gets rid of the hiccups right?