No Stupid Questions

By the time you are 14, you have probably figured out everything about yourself. Tell him what girls want and think at his age. When i was a kid, my friend was dead convinced that all girls prefer anal sex, cause "that doesn't hurt". He based that, I assume, entirely on porn he had seen.

John and Hank Green's CrashCoarse is about to release a new sex ed series. I watched their whole computers series and thought it was fantastic.

Besides all the stuff related to sex that many people have already written down here:

1. That it is normal to have overwhelming emotions at this age. It's fine if he gets angry, or sad or whatever. Find an outlet for that emotion.

2. He is gonna get a long stronger. It is important to approach this with sensibility: saying stuff like "strong men are dangerous" or "men are strong and women are weak" etc can actively harm young men's mental health. I'm sure there are good resources for this online as well, though I'm not sure where. He needs to realize that he will need to control how much force he puts into things much more than as a child, but at the same time that people are not afraid of him and should not be.

My parents didn't really give me a talk, where I live we have pretty comprehensive sex education in school that starts at 8/9 and finishes around 14/15.

At 13, maybe he's already been given some kind of education about his body (especially since he already shaves and has already probably had wet dreams and discovered masturbation). Do you know what he already knows?

Family isn't going to work for you, but do you have male friends or work colleagues you trust enough to ask for advice?

Honestly, the majority of key points to talk about can be found online from respectable sources (for example, this article from Johns Hopkins, though there are many others). There is a better than even chance he has shady looked up the "Is this normal" stuff himself if he has normal internet access.

From a social standpoint it's going to be different for everyone, teenage years are hard and kids are often cruel. I'd advise to just be there for him on this front, but don't be pushy. He is going to be moody, lash out sometimes, and act differently. That is all normal. He is going to want to push boundaries and get in trouble (rather do things that will get him in trouble, most folks don't actually want to get in trouble). Give him safe room to explore who he is and to try new things without letting him fall down too hard.

Lastly, you say there are no trusted male figures in your life, but that doesn't have to be family. Good friends can also fill that space. I have to imagine there is some guy in your life that could have heart to heart, even just with you to then talk to your son. It's worth trying to broaden your expectation of what a trusted male figure is perhaps.

There are books for that, that usually take all the important bits and put them in funny, engaging ways. It could be a nice thing to get, even read together.

Your question immediate took my mind back to this 15+ year old clip. Maybe use it as an ice breaker😂. The moms awkward attempt is before where the link jumps.

As a side note…if he shares a shower with someone with long hair and you don’t use a hair strainer or something. The process of removing the clogged hair is gonna get a bit more gross.

As a father, I didn’t even know what to do or expect, we’re all messy, gross, and dumb at that age. The path I chose, was if they knew enough to ask a question, it was time for a discussion. Just pay attention, offer a safe environment for questions and be honest. Most of what they need to learn the world with teach them. Be there to fact check and maybe even learn together. Last tip… WE made biology gross and taboo, WE can make it less so for our kids.

He probably has more of a clue about what happens with dudes than with women. Which you could tell him about.

Oh, one thing. If he's circumcised he probably uses some kind of lube to masturbate. It might not be condom compatible though. So if he has sex and they use lube because they've heard it hurts less then they could break the condom. That's not commonly discussed. I don't think you have to discuss how silicone lubes aren't great with sex toys.

Then you should probably talk to him about hurting during sex. Foreplay should be nice enough that you could do it all the way to orgasm. Whether it's a vagina or a butthole it shouldn't hurt by the time you put an erect penis in there. Taylor Tomlinson has a bit about how growing up Christian was good for her sex life because it meant she did everything up to "the deed". And porn, as others have mentioned, has a tendency to skip those bits. And kissing is also foreplay!

Speaking of comedy, Jerry Seinfeld did a bit about him watching a laundry commercial for a product that could also remove blood. And he jokes about how he isn't a serial killer so why would he need that. So tell your son a bit about sanitary bins, pads that don't always get everything while you are sleeping, stuff like that. It's not scary and he shouldn't be Menstrual Guy ally supreme but he needs to be told things he can't experience himself.

Lots of great replies, just want to add that if he's uncircumcised and you haven't covered the topic yet; washing under the foreskin is important hygiene. Same with washing his ass while we're on the topic of hygiene.

First things first, I'd suggest looking into Big Brothers, Big Sisters if you're in America. I've been a part of their program and it's a great organization dedicated to helping kids exactly like this

OK, onto real advice: it sounds like you're a woman and one of the things you need to address early with young men is respect. He will become significantly stronger than you very soon. He will have a ton of hormones pumping through his body. He is going to become dangerous to himself and others. He will be curious about how strong he is. You have to make sure he explores that safety. This is something all men go through and it's important to have a good foundation or he can start spiraling down bad paths. You need to police his internet usage, his friends, and his role models or he could very easily start sliding into anti-women and abusive views

If he's not enrolled in any sort of physical activity I would encourage you to find one. He's going to have basically unlimited energy and channeling that into sports is usually better than the alternatives. That's also tricky because you need to pay attention to the leadership of those activities to ensure that they are good influences

Now the fun stuff: he is going to be hungry for the next 5 years. If you haven't grown up with boys it's hard to understand but he can eat 6000 calories in a day and barely notice. My family used to order 2 pizzas when I was a teen, I would eat an entire one and they would eat the other. I'm not exaggerating when I say my average food in a day was a full continental breakfast, 2 deli sandwiches, chips, a dessert and a soda for lunch, an after school snack (usually leftovers), a large dinner, and dessert. I'm not a fat guy, nor was I in school. You will likely think at some point "he can't possibly be eating that much food" and I assure you that he can

Ultimately what is important is that you have to build a good moral foundation for him. You will lose the ability to control him and when that happens all of the work you've done raising him will reflect in the way he acts

For real, go to a library and ask a librarian for help.

They'll have various books aimed at different levels of maturity and reading levels. Get a book, read it yourself, then ask him to read it and talk about what you learned.