unironically i don't see a reason why anyone should care about my gender unless they are close to me or have hopes of unlocking my underwear DLC
this post was submitted on 10 Mar 2025
293 points (92.5% liked)
196
2650 readers
2360 users here now
Community Rules
You must post before you leave
Be nice. Assume others have good intent (within reason).
Block or ignore posts, comments, and users that irritate you in some way rather than engaging. Report if they are actually breaking community rules.
Use content warnings and/or mark as NSFW when appropriate. Most posts with content warnings likely need to be marked NSFW.
Most 196 posts are memes, shitposts, cute images, or even just recent things that happened, etc. There is no real theme, but try to avoid posts that are very inflammatory, offensive, very low quality, or very "off topic".
Bigotry is not allowed, this includes (but is not limited to): Homophobia, Transphobia, Racism, Sexism, Abelism, Classism, or discrimination based on things like Ethnicity, Nationality, Language, or Religion.
Avoid shilling for corporations, posting advertisements, or promoting exploitation of workers.
Proselytization, support, or defense of authoritarianism is not welcome. This includes but is not limited to: imperialism, nationalism, genocide denial, ethnic or racial supremacy, fascism, Nazism, Marxism-Leninism, Maoism, etc.
Avoid AI generated content.
Avoid misinformation.
Avoid incomprehensible posts.
No threats or personal attacks.
No spam.
Moderator Guidelines
Moderator Guidelines
- Don’t be mean to users. Be gentle or neutral.
- Most moderator actions which have a modlog message should include your username.
- When in doubt about whether or not a user is problematic, send them a DM.
- Don’t waste time debating/arguing with problematic users.
- Assume the best, but don’t tolerate sealioning/just asking questions/concern trolling.
- Ask another mod to take over cases you struggle with, if you get tired, or when things get personal.
- Ask the other mods for advice when things get complicated.
- Share everything you do in the mod matrix, both so several mods aren't unknowingly handling the same issues, but also so you can receive feedback on what you intend to do.
- Don't rush mod actions. If a case doesn't need to be handled right away, consider taking a short break before getting to it. This is to say, cool down and make room for feedback.
- Don’t perform too much moderation in the comments, except if you want a verdict to be public or to ask people to dial a convo down/stop. Single comment warnings are okay.
- Send users concise DMs about verdicts about them, such as bans etc, except in cases where it is clear we don’t want them at all, such as obvious transphobes. No need to notify someone they haven’t been banned of course.
- Explain to a user why their behavior is problematic and how it is distressing others rather than engage with whatever they are saying. Ask them to avoid this in the future and send them packing if they do not comply.
- First warn users, then temp ban them, then finally perma ban them when they break the rules or act inappropriately. Skip steps if necessary.
- Use neutral statements like “this statement can be considered transphobic” rather than “you are being transphobic”.
- No large decisions or actions without community input (polls or meta posts f.ex.).
- Large internal decisions (such as ousting a mod) might require a vote, needing more than 50% of the votes to pass. Also consider asking the community for feedback.
- Remember you are a voluntary moderator. You don’t get paid. Take a break when you need one. Perhaps ask another moderator to step in if necessary.
founded 1 month ago
MODERATORS
"What's in your pants?"
"Why? Are you interested?"
Usually stops people in their tracks
- "why, are you interested?"
"yes 👁👄👁"
- "👁👄👁"
Bad reason: need to know what strict societal rules you are supposed to be following
Good reason: pronouns are humanizing and need to know which ones to use
if people care what pronouns you use they'll generally make it obvious, otherwise just default to they/them and things work fine
You know I didn't think about this comparison until reading your comment, but like:
Back in the medieval period, it was vitally important (socially) that people understood your background and standing in society, because there were pretty strict rules about how one class of people is supposed to treat another. Like whether you were a social "superior" or "inferior" type shit. That's how we got things like "your majesty" and how you might not be allowed to turn your back to someone while leaving them if they were a "superior". In a lot of places in the world, wearing a kind of hat was legally required because that signalled "who you were" and how people needed to act.
A lot of those rules were done away with post French Revolution/modernity because the idea that people were supposed to be equal caught on. So nowadays the idea that you might have to kneel at the sight of someone because of who they are or not refer to them directly in speech because they're "above you" is considered unthinkable.
I dunno, I guess now I see parallels between that old way of social thought and coming out today. It's not as strict as the medieval thing (I don't think we're at the point where you legally have to come out or else you have committed a crime) but it seems like something cishet people socially expect queer people to do to "know who they are dealing with and how."
how you might not be allowed to turn your back to someone while leaving them if they were a "superior".
So you just walk backwards until they're out of sight?
Yep! This would be something you'd be expected to do in a royal court (or even in a regular noble's presence) if you held lower station.
YOU THERE.
I SEEK THE GLORY OF BATTLE. WITH WHAT WILL YOU FACE ME?
(provided you agree, ofc)
woah woah woah, is that a greatsword in your pants or are you j- oh oh it is a greatsword, uhhhhhhhhhh
sorry i think i heard my Lord calling me back to the castle, gotta go, sorry!
LMAO, Underwear DLC. I'm trolling my partner with that tomorrow...
Fair, but in that case if I get it wrong just let me know. It's not malicious, just a mistake.
I think the whole leading with your pronouns or having them clearly visible online thing is just a shortcut so it doesn't take as much time to figure out if the person getting it wrong is making a mistake, or if they're an asshole.
But I'm also a white cis male, so take it with a big grain of salt. Last time I was misgendered was over the phone pre-puberty.
My experience as a regular here, a trans person myself, and as friends with many trans people is that this is how most people handle this. No reasonable person gets mad at you for using the wrong pronouns even if it hurts their feelings, unless you are doing it on purpose of course. Even people who you've told your pronouns to might make an honest mistake at some point. It happens.
Yes, having our pronouns visible is so we don't have to explicitly tell them to people, and some cis people also use them as a show of solidarity and/or to make it so that phobes can't assume someone is trans by the presence of pronouns.
I've never had angry get angry for making a mistake with their pronouns. I'm shit with names, and it crosses over, so I usually say something like "speaking of my shitty memory, could you also repeat your name?"
Tbh, when i don't understand someone's gender i just default to genderless pronouns, the fact is that in my main language genderless pronouns are used in formal settings, so it has the side effect of the fallback sounding more polite than usual.
Which language is this?
Italian, but i feel like other neolatin languages should have something along those lines Ex. Lei è molto gentile.= You are very kind. It's more complicated than in English, because in italian stuff like adjectives are also gendered.
I love language stuff so I would also like to know more!
Interesting, although I don't quite understand as a non Italian speaker, isn't that just replacing 'tu'?
Italian has gendered nouns and adjectives too, how do you deal with that? I've heard of people using '-e' instead of '-o / -a' in Spanish.
In this case of my first comment yes, it's just that i have way too few hours of sleep in me right now to come up with a more encompassing example.
The only one that comes to mind right now is "they are too old":
Masculine form: lui è troppo vecchio.
Femminine form: lei è troppo vecchia.
In this case in italian the higher register/more polite way of saying it corresponds to the femminine form.(i know talking about age isn't that polite, but just bear with me). in that case it is correct regardless of the gender of the one you are speaking to. If it is someone you don't know it is also less strange to default to a higher register of speech. So it is more "hidden"
southern italian Loro lurks in the background with a steel chair
It always has been this way: we always were figuring out the gender of a person we spoke to.
Make it easy or I will use neutrals, you prick.
Eh, I just use neutrals on everyone. I have a hard enough time remembering names and nobody should be offended by they/them.
You are in no way obligated to come out for anyone else if you don't want to, and if someone else has a problem with that it's their problem not your problem.