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Chances are 100% that an abusive watch of porn, hentai, and early masturbation, as well as traumas of neglect and bullying, distorted me.
Hold up. Watching porn as a child does not somehow make people gay. You really should see a therapist who can help you navigate your sexuality.
my 2 cents:
none of what you've written here indicates you weren't born gay.
"...wish i was in the woman's shoes in porn (autogynephilia), that was my first homo sexual desire."
that doesn't sound like you were "simply born straight"
your post strongly suggests to me you have a lot to learn and accept about sexuality.
"always had a totally masculine identity, male engagements"
saying something like this indicates to me that you don't understand the complexities of masculinity, femininity or sexuality.
did you read a lot of books as a child? is that masculine or feminine? did you climb trees?
assigning labels and expectations to your behaviors may be why you don't view your own sexuality as "a case of normal, stable homosexuality".
which is what it sounds like you are discovering: a case of innate normal, stable homosexuality.
saying something like this indicates to me that you don’t understand the complexities of masculinity, femininity or sexuality
Yup. Look at gay "bears" and heterosexual femboys or drag queens.
Just because porn made you aware of your homosexuality, does not mean it was the cause of it.
Sexuality isn't binary or static. The "debate" isn't whether or not it can change over time, or given some stimulus, but whether it's some kind of lifestyle choice. Whether or not you were born with some gay gene, or whether it was an environmental trigger, or something in between isn't really relevant to the discussion over whether you deserve basic human rights.
What does your therapist have to say about this?
Post nut regret isn’t straight or gay? That just happens
Have you considered that you could be bisexual/pansexual?
Who cares. The origins of homosexuality might be an academic curiosity but none of it matters really for the purpose of living a life.
There is no moral or practical difference if a person was born with it or acquired it later.
You need to challenge your assumptions, and you've made many bad ones here. If any of what you said is true, I should be a homosexual, yet I'm not.
I call you troll. Nonetheless, gayness has been running in my family for 3 generations (uncle, me, grand-cousin) now, so if you ask me in all seriousness, I believe it's inherited.
I read some researches about certain genes making it more likely to be gay. Though it's been a while, can't remember the specifics.
Another interesting research I read (which I need to check for new info) was that each subsequent male child was more likely to be gay and it was actually the mother's body that caused them to be gay because that lowers the competition for the oldest children.
Have you considered that you can be attracted to more than one thing, and that this may evolve over time? You don't expect people to be like 'I'm gay now' at age 12 and then automatically have zero interest in anything else, do you?
You might want to look up "sexual imprinting". Of course our early sexual experiences impact what turns us on, and who we are attracted to can change over time.
Putting aside, for the moment, all the very problematic things you declare in this post which are being ably called out by others in these comments already, bisexuality is a thing. It's also a spectrum that can shift around, expand, contract, and otherwise change over time.
Many bisexuals thought they were exclusively heterosexual or homosexual until they found themselves developing sexual interests outside those rigid definitions at some point in their lives, whether early or late in life. It's a thing, it happens to average people regardless of what media they may or may not have been consuming, and it's not all that unusual as these things go.
That being said, you might find it healthier to just take stock of your feelings now rather than trying to blame them on something external as though it were some sort of condition which has been afflicted upon you. Your sexuality just is what it is as you experience it, just like your hair grows in the color it does and your height reaches the number on the ruler it does, and it really doesn't serve you to go down obsessive rabbit holes and develop neuroses about it.
"as well as traumas of neglect and bullying" - says it all.
You miss having a strong father figure in your life, because he was either not present, or present but didn't really care for you or protect you. Now that we are adults, the closes relationship we can see where one male takes care of another male - is a homosexual relationship.
I have the feeling you are not gay, just really misses having a proper dad in your life, and your current feelings are just a different manifestation of the true need. You seek male affection and protection, and from the rest of the comment - the regret after masturbation - means you don't need the sexual part at all, you just want the love you see there.
I can strongly relate with this though I must add that there's no way of knowing what the alternative would've been. Whose to say my interests wouldn't have naturally evolved over time on their own without any major outside influence. It just would be quite surprising if excessive porn use since early age wouldn't play a factor in why my sexuality is so twisted nowdays in more ways than one.
