this post was submitted on 25 May 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] [email protected] 107 points 1 week ago (14 children)

I'm gonna choose the side effect and you choose the power:
"I ___, but only when I'm hard."

[–] [email protected] 175 points 1 week ago

am the world's greatest kindergarten teacher

[–] [email protected] 59 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 36 points 1 week ago

"I'm gonna explain everything later, just don't interfere."

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[–] [email protected] 85 points 1 week ago (38 children)
[–] [email protected] 107 points 1 week ago (2 children)

It hurts extremely because your whole body is physically altered.

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[–] [email protected] 43 points 1 week ago (8 children)

You shift by magically turning yourself inside out ass first

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[–] [email protected] 66 points 1 week ago (11 children)

Ability to make cheese at will.

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[–] [email protected] 57 points 1 week ago (15 children)
[–] [email protected] 77 points 1 week ago (4 children)

Every time you do it, you land on a poop

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[–] [email protected] 38 points 1 week ago (5 children)

You can only teleport your body. Meaning you will always arrive naked.

[–] [email protected] 35 points 1 week ago

I need your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle

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[–] [email protected] 33 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (9 children)

Granted, but your momentum is teleported with you. The earth is hurtling through space at over 100,000 km and you are on its -spinning- surface subjected to multiple momentum influences constantly.

Keep it to short distances and you might be ok, but with distance comes chaos.

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[–] Greg 50 points 1 week ago (11 children)
[–] [email protected] 64 points 1 week ago (1 children)

You fart continuously while using it.

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[–] [email protected] 39 points 1 week ago (20 children)
[–] [email protected] 47 points 1 week ago (1 children)

It turns out nobody really thinks often enough for you to get any information

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[–] [email protected] 39 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Have my nose grow every time I lie

[–] [email protected] 89 points 1 week ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 38 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (18 children)

The ability to get my DnD group to have a sensible, routine schedule, with no cancelations.

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[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 week ago (12 children)
[–] [email protected] 41 points 1 week ago (4 children)
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[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 week ago (10 children)

Neural typical ignoramus is what I choose. I'd like to be able to ignore what's happening in my country and be happy like a bunch of these dumbassss

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[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 week ago (13 children)

The ability to change the probability of events happening

[–] Greg 38 points 1 week ago (2 children)

You can only make things worse

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[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 week ago (15 children)

With the snap of my fingers I can instantly cause the death of authoritarian dictators.

[–] [email protected] 60 points 1 week ago (1 children)

You're one of those people who can't click their fingers.

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