Asklemmy

A friend of mine noticed that a police car was coming up fast behind us so he told our friend with a joint to get rid of it. The police car had its lights flashing and though we were going probably 60 or 70 it was easily going 80 or 90.

The friend flicked it right out the window, and to my great horror it went right in the window of the cop car as it sailed by us. We could see it bounce into the back window like a hammer striking iron, The cab lit up brighter than I thought a single joint would shine against the glare of the cherries and berries.

We immediately got off the highway, took the first few turns we could and then parked in a driveway with all the lights off.

Two police cars drove down the street behind us with lights flashing but no sirens while we hunkered down trying to avoid being seen. We just kind of hid there for probably 40 minutes until we stop seeing police lights.

Was having a party and a buddy had a bunch of weed. Due to a noise complaint the cops showed up at the door so I answered it and talked to the cops. Told them I'd turn the music down a bit and all was good.

Just as I was closing the door and going back to the party I heard the toilet flush. My overly paranoid buddy had flushed all his weed down the shitter.

Me and my friend were once making weed puns out of country names. Examples:

Kush-ia

Ting-land

Pot-land

Scales

G-gypt

Slizz-rael

Gyal-estine

High-na

Blur-many

Grow-land

Bar-gentina

Blue-kraine

Spliff-uania

You get the idea.

Well, we had a third friend who hadn't joined in yet. We asked him if he had any ideas. Bro didn't get the assignment. His contribution?

WeedSpain

I have a friend who went on holiday in Amsterdam. Got a flight back home. When he got in the taxi from the airport, the driver asks if he smokes weed. "Yeah a bit. Why?" "Cause you've got a bud stuck to your hat". Dude managed to go through customs with weed on full display on his beanie and didn't get caught out.

Legend has it, that some friends of mine where stoned at night and thought it was a good idea to drive with their car to the nearest burger place. When they past a roundabout they thought it would be funny to drive around it backwards in rear gear. What had to happen, happened: they crashed with another car going through the roundabout. Not much damage done luckily. Police comes and after some time, tells my friends they are free to go. Apparently the other driver was drunk as hell and swore that they drove backwards in the roundabout but the police didn't believe a word he said, because he was so drunk.

Not much tbh.

My mom is probably the dumbest story.

See, she was a hippie back when that meant something. But after she married and settled down, she didn't smoke weed for a long time.

I got old enough to know some people, despite not being able to smoke it myself, and she wanted some to kinda relive the old days post-divorce. So I got her a quarter.

Welllll, she decided to roll herself up a fat fucking joint. Nice, right! We're talking a joint of the best hydro in three counties. She then proceeded to smoke the entire fucking thing. It was as thick as a pencil.

She's giggling, and then laughing at everything.

And then it really hits. She crawls to her bed saying "I don't know what to do-hoo-hoo-hoo" because she is so fucking greened out that the whole world is spinning every time she breathes and her rocking chair moves because of it.

She's laying on the bed eventually, and has to keep one foot on the floor because if she doesn't, the world is going to speed up and fly away. So she keeps hitting the brakes with that foot.

There's about an hour of that, mixed in with moans and me trying to keep her calm because every time she makes the mistake of moving, she panics. She didn't want to fly away into space.

I actually called the guy I got it from and asked if he put something in that shit. I'd been around stoners and had never seen anything like that. He asked some questions and eventually started laughing himself because nobody smokes that much of weed that potent and doesn't get their face melted. He explained that one toke would have been plenty, even for regular smokers.

But, yeah, it took her about five hours to get back to the point she could just pass out and sleep for twelve hours.

How the fuck was I supposed to know it was some kind of crazy shit, or that she would react like that?

Now, when she's being twatish, I just ask her if she wants to fly off into space, and she gets all pissed off and splutters

I was at a 4th of July party and got way too high and there was so much going on, some kid with a super bitch mom was harassing my dog, there was lots of BBQ smoke making it hard to breathe and I was using portable oxygen at the time so it was really fucking with me and Independence Day was on the TV but I was so high it was like the frame rate on the TV was too slow and I started crying and I told my husband “I don’t want to watch this anymore it’s like a really long gif” which he laughed at but it was embarrassing to be crying in the living room over Independence Day surrounded by mostly strangers lol

Scared ass friend of mine was too scared to stop the car while I tried to roll a joint. Kept starting driving the car for no damn reason.

Made me drop like 5 grams of very expensive weed.

Does that count?

I don't know them personally, but this is an old favorite: https://youtu.be/V1kTZRcKZ6Y

Ordered a pizza, it came with a garlic dip in a transparent tub. My sister tried to dip the crust in the dip about 4 times to no avail, each time my buddy saying "the lids on, Jess. The lids still on, Jess. The lids still on, Jess. The lid, Jess, is still on" until the words finally got to her brain. She and I collapsed in giggles for a solid minute. It was the perfect representation of "this is your brain on weed".

During an overnight school trip a friend of mine used a showerhead as a pipe and inhaled a shitton of lime scale.

I spilled a freshly ground full grinder on the floor of the garage last week for the very first time. I was (and still kinda am) incredibly upset, and I immediately jumped up to try and salvage what I could.

Surprisingly I saved most of it, then I went over it with a dryer sheet over the vacuum hose to get every last bit. There were a couple hairs but I could easily pick them out.

I'm still upset with myself for doing that though.